This is the first in a series of posts about water safety. To read the post I wrote 1 1/2 years after the accident, click here. To learn more about water safety, check out this post.
I’ve literally spent the last few days agonizing about whether or not I should write this post for a number of reasons. I don’t want to make things weird between us. I feel like I’ve told this story over and over again and it feels weird to tell it again. I feel like I’m opening up a huge facet of my private life by sharing this story. I want to share information but not sound like an encyclopedia, and I want to make things personal but not have it sound like a bad Lifetime movie. So bear with me here.
I’ve gotta warn you guys that I can totally see how this can be a hard story to read, and that it might get under your skin. And I totally understand if you want to stop reading. But. I think what I have to share is important. I promise, because it’s something so intensely personal, I wouldn’t be sharing it if I didn’t think that it was important. I feel like if what I have to say can prevent even one accident like we had, it will be worth it.
I also ask that if you have something potentially unkind to say, to think really, really hard before you post it (and I subsequently delete it–just warning you now). I promise, there is nothing you can say to a parent in this situation that they haven’t already said to themselves.
Ready? Whew.
So as you guys know, Sara and I have been traveling a lot lately (and we just came back from our last trip! Woo-hoo!) We generally try to leave as late in the week as possible and come back on Sunday so we can be away from our families as little as possible, but it still takes its toll on everyone.
Last weekend, our event was in Salt Lake City and Sara had been planning on bringing her whole family. Through a series of kind of crazy and unusual circumstances (unexpected days off school, obscenely cheap airfare, unused frequent flier miles, a trip my dad and husband planned on taking together), we decided to bring our whole family as well. Sara’s and my kids completely adore each other and it was a chance for all of us to hang out for a few extra days and take a little mini vacation.
The night we got in, I was getting the kids ready for bed when Sara invited us to go swimming with them. I hadn’t brought my swimsuit and I didn’t really want to bring the baby in the water, but our kids were dying to see each other and hey, we were on a vacation. My kids have had a few summers’ worth of swimming lessons and can swim the length of the pool, so I wasn’t worried about playing around in the shallow end.
Here’s the thing. When it comes to water, bad things can happen quickly, and, unlike you see in TV and movies, those things are quiet. Here’s a fabulous article that talks about what drowning actually looks like and it’s something everyone should read and pass around to anyone who spends any time around water.
In our case, my oldest son was bouncing in an area where he could easily reach. And he did what anyone who’s spent a reasonable amount of time in a swimming pool has done–he landed where the pool started to slope. And it caught him off guard, and all it took was a gulp of water instead of air.
One of the reasons why I wanted to post this sooner rather than later was because KSL News in Salt Lake City did a story (you can read the whole thing here) on the teenage boy who pulled my son out of the water and I wanted to include it before the story and video are unavailable, largely because it spares me from personally having to share the harder details.
We’re not exactly sure how long he was underwater, but by piecing all the stories together and the fact that we were right there, it could have been anywhere from 1-3 minutes, but however long it was long enough to stop his heart and turn his skin blue. We really, truly could have lost him (and I thought we had).
After Greg pulled Clark out of the water, Sara’s husband gave him CPR and was able to revive him. He was rushed in an ambulance to Primary Children’s Medical Center where he spent a few hours in the ER and then was admitted to the PICU because he was having a hard time staying awake and his breathing was labored. Aside from the fact that hearing “ICU” is totally terrifying, it was really awful because I couldn’t stay with him (my husband did) because I had a nursing baby who wasnt allowed and there was no way for anyone else to feed him.
So I headed back to an empty hotel room quite literally in the middle of the night. And to say it sucked is the understatement of the century.
The next morning, he was much better and I was able to leave the baby with my husband and spend the morning with Clark in the ICU. They kept him long enough to get out of the danger zone and he left the hospital the day after the accident super tired with a cough, no appetite, and some antibiotics, but was otherwise completely fine (read: no brain damage).
In terms of facts and figures, I strongly encourage everyone to read the article I talked about earlier (and here it is again so you don’t have to go hunting for it). But I want to share, as a mom, some things to think about.
Kids aren’t as mature as we think they are. I think it’s easy to forget that bigger kids (like in the 6-10 range) are still pretty little kids, especially when you have younger kids in the mix. You’re used to relying on them to be mature and responsible, but in reality, they’re not as mature and responsible as we sometimes give them credit for. Additionally, Clark is my super-cautious rule-following kid; if I had to peg someone for a serious accident, it would have been my daughter.
Swim lessons (or floaties, or noodles, or life vests, or anything inflatable, or the presence of a lifeguard) are not a substitute for close supervision. I was there, keeping an eye on things, checking the pool, but I had a baby in my arms and friends I hadn’t seen in a long time and it had been a long day. Things literally happen in seconds and in the time it takes to run to the bathroom, have a serious phone conversation, deal with a fussy baby, listen to a child’s story, watch another kid jump off a diving board, or answer a text, it could be too late.
Supervision is not a substitute for excellent swimming skills. Like I said earlier, my kids have taken swimming lessons and Clark especially is a good little swimmer, but I think sometimes we forget that they don’t have the life experience necessary to not freak out if something catches them off guard. We’ve talked about the accident with him and told him he doesn’t need to get back in the pool tomorrow, or next week, or next month, but he does eventually need to continue with swim lessons and feeling comfortable in the pool.
Everyone should learn CPR. I don’t know what we would have done if Sara’s husband hadn’t been there that night. If I was hiring a babysitter and one of them was CPR-certified and the other one wasn’t, I’d most likely hire the CPR-certified babysitter, and yet I’ve been a mom for nearly 8 years and I haven’t had more than a brief overview of CPR a time or two as a teenager. I’m signing up for a CPR certification course ASAP so I never find myself in a situation where I couldn’t help someone who needed CPR. You can register for Red Cross classes here and even in my tiny community, there are a gazillion options available.
Don’t swim when you’re tired. My kids had been up late the night before in anticipation for our trip, then we’d been flying all day. It was an hour later for them than what the clock said and they were up way past their bedtime. Bad idea.
Don’t swim alone. That’s more for adults and teenagers, but even good, experienced swimmers can underestimate how close they are to a pool wall and hit their head or experience any number of other little accidents that normally wouldn’t be a big deal, but when you’re dealing with water, they become a big deal.
We all think it’s not going to happen to us. It’s so hard to strike a balance between being neurotic and thinking things aren’t going to happen to us; neither one is a good thing. Car accidents happen to bad drivers and water accidents happen to neglectful parents. Except that they don’t…they can happen to anyone. This accident has been a wake-up call for safety in all areas of my life, not to a point where I’m crazy, but it’s just reminded me that there are easy things I can do to make things safer: Water safety, locking doors, unplugging appliances, using car seats and boosters properly, not running the dryer when I’m not at home or while we’re sleeping, making sure our fire and carbon monoxide detectors are working properly, and ignoring the fact that my text alert has beeped 6 times in 2 minutes while I’m driving. You don’t have to live in fear, but a little caution goes a long way.
Thankfully, within 48 hours, he was nearly his old little self. Here’s a picture of Clark (the one with Perry the Platypus) and Sara’s little boy Tyler two nights after it happened.
and all the OBB kiddos (minus Baby Will)…
As for us, we’re doing fine. Clark had a little freak-out the night he was discharged from the hospital, but he seems to be handling it really well. Generally, I’m good, although I’ve been busy. Sometimes in a quiet moment, those scary images and “what if” thoughts creep into my head, and sometimes they completely blindside me when I’m out and about and they kind of take my breath away. I’m just so very grateful to all the people who happened to be there that night–Eric (Sara’s husband), Greg (the awesome teenager), Nate (who helped Eric), Sara (who kept me from completely and totally losing it and who drove me to and from the hospital a few times in the middle of the night), the nice ladies who held Will, the paramedics, ER staff, and Jen the ICU nurse who Clark is completely enamored with.
For those of you little detectives that figured out what happened after I posted last week and have sent such sweet comments, emails, thoughts, and prayers, I appreciate them so much. Thank you guys from the bottom of my heart for being such fabulous, supportive blog readers.Thank you for sticking with me through such a heavy blog post! I hope sharing our experiences will help keep your families and loved ones safe!
Questions & Reviews
Even though I already knew the whole story, reading it here made the tears roll off my cheeks, big time. I’m so grateful for the miracles that came together so that Clark could survive this horrific ordeal. You are loved!
What a miracle! So sweet to see him at the end of the post. Thanks for sharing, helpful reminder to me and many others.
Thanks for sharing. Proof that Heavenly Father watches over His children.
I learned a few months ago when my almost 18 mo old, at the time, fell from our 13 ft. outdoor balcony to the cement slab below, not to judge any mother for terrible accidents. Nothing was more traumatic in all my life. I thought he was dead. The. Worst. Feeling. In. The. World. He must have had an angel helping him as he fell because he only suffered a broken arm. Not a bump or bruise on his head or anywhere else. You and your family have experienced the same miracle and I am so grateful for that. We are our own worse enemy…..I KNEW it was my fault. Nothing CPS could say was any worse than what I had already thought and said to my self. But in the end it was an accident and we learned what to never do again. Just as you did. Forgive yourself and forever remember your miracle. That is what I am working on to this day. And remember as my 10 year son told me, “Heavenly Father just isn’t done with him yet, Mom.” Prayers of peace being sent your way.
Oh. My. Gosh. How terrifying. I’m so glad he’s okay.
As a kid who had some near death experiences while under supervision of AMAZING parents, I completely understand and am so grateful that your little family is okay! You are awesome and my heart goes out to you guys.
You are amazing! Thanks for sharing your story-written beautifully. So glad you were able to go ahead and come to Phoenix. We enjoyed the conference VERY much. Our grandkids love the dinousar shaped chicken nuggets..heehee
My heart also goes out to you. Like you said something you never would have imagined but something we all need to be mindful of with swimming. Glad you boy is ok!
Wow… so scary. Thank you for sharing your story… and for the reminder to be diligent. So glad your baby boy is just fine now.
I saved my brother from drowning at one stage when we were swimming at a river. I don’t even know if Mum knows about it.
I also almost drowned a couple of times at the beach where mum used to let us go all summer by ourselves.
Try not to focus on the ‘what if’ and just know your son is meant to be around and you’re being watched over.
Try not to let guilt get to you either, it’s the worst thing that can pull us mothers down.
Easier said than done, I know but you can do it.
Sorry you had to go through it.
Thank u for posting this! I am so sorry this happened to your family, but thank u for being wise enough to share. I will be so much more careful.
Almost the exact thing happened to me as a child when I was about 6 years old. The fam was on vacation; mom was sitting by the pool watching me as I bopped around in the shallow end. Well, just like your son, I eventually got too close to the deep end slope, and down I went. Luckily, my mom must’ve had her eyes on me at the instant it happened, because before I knew it, she dove into the water and was pulling me out. I don’t think I even swallowed any water, and I’m pretty sure I went right back to swimming (albeit MUCH further away from where the slope was). I was very lucky that my mom was watching me so closely at that moment. It could have been much worse.
This was a very good tale to tell, Kate.
It can happen to ANYONE, and like you said, it only takes a second. Thanks for sharing such a personal and difficult story. Everyone needs a reminder of how easily things can go wrong. Thank God your son is doing well! I’ll keep you and your family in my prayers.
A message that bears repeating – not just in summer for sure. How absolutely terrifying. My mama’s heart goes out to you sitting in that hotel room without your boy. So glad he’s doing okay.
Literally sobbing, both at your experience and because you write the disclaimer so many times that you don’t need any rude comments. I know from experience that, sadly, the one rude comment will stick in your head more than the hundreds of supportive comments will. 🙁
You’re a mommy first and a blogger second — and we all love you for it. Your priorities keep your grounded and help you to succeed in all you do. We love you and Sara, we love your families and their support of both of you, we love what you do. 🙂
Kate, that’s so scary and I am so sorry that it happened to you. I had a similar situation when my son was small. I still can’t think about it without getting that sinking feeling in my stomach. We didn’t even end up in the ER, but I woke up in the middle of the night, in tears, for weeks afterwards. I’m praying that you will have peace of mind, and thanking God that Clark made it through just fine. Thank you for helping me to remember that awareness is key.
God bless you and your sweet family.
Even the MOST AMAZING moms, can’t be in 20 places at once. This is a VERY scary story and I am happy you have shared it. I wanted to add something to it though…
I have a VERY close friend whose daughter had been swimming all day but kept getting water in her mouth over and over while swimming, which caused her daughter to cough up lots of water. My friend spent the entire night watching her childs chest rise and fall because she was a nurse and earlier in the week learned from a patient who came into her care, that you can drown after the swimming is over and the child lays flat to sleep. The water consumed or inhaled while swimming can settle when the child sleeps at night causing them to drown. It is not very common but I wanted to add a little more to your story. I was a trained lifeguard trainer, trained in CPR, trained to teach swim lessons and NOTHING can prepare you for the scary situations that come with swimming (or any situation, reallY) but like you said, you were right there. You did all the right things and I am glad you brought this up. Take the time to realize your kids are just that.. kids… and keep them close!
Thank you for sharing and I am SUPER happy he is okay!
Take time for yourself and heal from this.
Thank you for sharing. I can’t imagine what you must have gone through seeing your baby like that. You’re right, it’s easy to get comfortable with the level of vigilance that has worked so far but that level of vigilance, when something unexpected happens, could be not nearly enough vigilance to make it through. I’m so so glad that your son is okay.
Thank you. We have a pool in our back yard and i understand you words (have repeated them myself many times) completely. Thank you for sharing this story. Hopefully it will resonate with people and help them-I know it has me. I have committed to a CPR class after reading of your experience last week, via Sara. I am a great swimmer, but then what? Thank you and best wishes to you all (especially Clark).
Oh my goodness, I am so glad that everything turned out OK! There is no judgement here, as it really can happen to anyone & I am just thankful for your family that there was such great help around. Many hugs to everyone in your family & especially Clark.
Thank you for sharing such a painful story, and for being willing to reach out. I am CPR certified and I pray often I never have to use it. I am happy to hear Clark is okay. God bless you and your family, Kate. And Sara’s, too. Thank you for being such a blessing in all of our lives.
Thank you for posting such a personal story. All the info you included will help us all be better prepared for emergencies. I am so glad that your sweet little boy is okay! You guys are such an inspiration to me and my sisters, we absolutely love your website and feel like we know you.
You are so brave to share your story in a public forum. I do believe you doing so will save some child’s life.
Who in the world would write a rude comment about this?!?
Wow. Reading this gave me goosebumps… Not because of what happened to you (which totally sucks), but because of what happened on my end. I live in Salt Lake and when I heard this story on the new that night, it for some reason touched my desensitized heart and I immediately said a prayer for your family, specifically saying “and please bless the mother of this child to be comforted and not be filled with guilt and torment”… not knowing that the mother of this child was one of my favorite blog writers/cookbook authors. I really hope my prayer was somewhat answered and you haven’t been beating yourself up… Accidents happen, even to perfect people.
I’m so glad you posted this. Maybe The Lord is using you as an instrument in His hands to prevent future incidents from occurring. I for one will be signing up to take a CPR class ASAP!
God be with you and your cute family! Thank you for being such an amazing woman, for sharing your talents with the world, and making a difference! You are AMAZING!!!
Thank you so much for your sweet words, Ashley. For real.
I’ve only been reading your blog for a few months, but I know that like many of your readers we all love you both and are happy to hear about the things going on in your lives (even the not so great things). I am so relieved that everything is okay. I’ll be a new mom in April and I truly appreciate the words of wisdom you shared. May those moments of fear and “what if” be replaced with peace and comfort that God loves his children and watches over all of us. Bless you both and your families.
Oh, bless you! I am so sorry such a terrifying event happened in your life. I have personally had a child (the same one) have a near-drowning experience three times, all in hotel pools. One time when he was around 2, he just fell in. The next time he was around 4 and he was RIGHT by my side, when all of a sudden he was suspended under the water and I had to drag him out. Then, when he was 8 he somehow propelled himself into the deep end and my other child shouted to alert me and I swam over and towed him out. So scary! (But not nearly as frightening as your situation, I know.) My point is, it can happen so easily, and especially in hotel pools because they often go deep abruptly. Please, don’t punish yourself! You are an amazing mom and these things just happen sometimes. I can tell you were being watched over by God! Thank you for sharing your important story with us.
I’m so sorry this happened to you. We live in Arizona and know the dangers of water. I’ve always been the super paranoid mom about kids around water, to the point that when I take my kids swimming, I end up trying to keep eyes on everyone else’s kids. Thank you for sharing your story. I, too will be taking a CPR class very soon!
Thank you for sharing, Kate. All of us mothers need as much support, help, and reminders from each other as possible! I’m sure it wasn’t easy for you to share this when you and Clark are probably still terrified of pools, but sharing is probably going to save several lives. Thank you for being willing to put your story out there. God bless that wonderful Greg!!
Oh, so so scary. I’m so grateful that your little guy is ok. Since becoming a mother, the scariest things in life are any harm or accident befalling on your children. It frightens me, a lot. So thank you for sharing, and giving the warning that anything really could happen in a situation that you feel is a safe one. It is always better to be on the side of caution. Scary. Glad your family is well.
What a nightmare for your family. I am so, so glad everything turned out ok. It is a good reminder to all of us who are busy parents. Thank you for sharing your story, I know it wasn’t easy. Big hugs to your family.
Thank you so much for sharing. I’m so sorry you and your family had to experience this and so glad your sweet boy is okay. I will definitely take your words to heart and share them with my family, as well.