This post started out about pot roast. And as I was writing about browning and caramelization and braising techniques, all of the words seemed silly and insignificant given the reason I was writing about pot roast in the first place. So I decided to back up a little.
A few weeks ago my husband, children and I made the familiar drive from our home in Boise, Idaho to my hometown of Seattle, Washington. We’ve made the drive a hundred times before, but this time was different. I was going home to be with my Mom. To say goodbye to my Mom.
She fought a courageous battle with a multitude of physical trials over the past 13 years, among them being a destructively progressive case of MS and a major brain injury. She continually defied medical odds and bounced back from near-death hospital stints time and time again. So even though she had been sick for years, it was still a shock to suddenly hear that this time was different. This time she wasn’t bouncing back. This time we would bring her home, but it would be so she could finish her mortal life surrounded by her family at home.
I’m sure many of you have had similar experiences with people you love. And like me, you have felt the weight of your world crashing down around you. I hope you’ve also felt the buoying strength that can come in trying times from the love of both God and other people in your life.
My Mom passed away three days after I arrived. I won’t detail everything that happened in those three days because it was a sacred, personal experience, but I was so happy I was there. I sat at her bedside and told her I loved her. I held her hand and told her it was okay for her to go; that she fought such a good fight and we were all going to be okay. I told her I’d miss her every day of my life and I couldn’t wait to see her again one day.
You might be wondering what on earth this has to do with food and blogging and pot roast. Well the thing is, you probably know my Mom more than you realize.
Hundreds of thousands of you have read this post. My experiences with my Mom have shaped my character and played a significant role in influencing my thoughts and feelings about Motherhood.
I grew up at her side in our kitchen. She taught me that food is a way to show love and help people connect with one another. Our kitchen table was evidence of that, and so much of my life is built around that now. My Mom taught me how to cook. She never realized it, nor did she ever really get to understand what Kate and I have built here. When I was at her house after she died, I found this copy of our very first cook book. I remember my sister sending me a text about it at the time. I sent a copy home to my parents and my Mom put post-it notes on all of the recipes that looked good. So like, every page. I laughed because so many of those very recipes were ones she taught me to make! She didn’t know, and couldn’t remember. After my Mom’s passing, Kate pointed out how cool it is to think that my Mom can finally see all that we’ve worked so hard to build here and she would love it.
On the drive back home to Idaho after she passed away, my mind was flooded. We were quickly trying to pull together funeral arrangements, and I would only be home in Boise for a few days before we turned around and made the drive back home to Seattle again for her burial. The previous weeks and days had been emotionally exhausting and my heart ached. We pulled into Boise with our car full of tired children at 11:30pm on a Saturday but before heading to our home we went to the grocery store. Because I needed a chuck roast.
Boise was cool and drizzly that weekend and the following day was Sunday. In the final hours of our drive home, all I could think about was how that next day I wanted to curl up on my couch with a blanket and smell a potroast braising in the oven. Because that’s so often what was happening in my childhood home on Sunday afternoons. That scent was almost healing. There is a reason they call it comfort food; my brain went straight to it without even trying.
In the days and weeks that followed, friends overwhelmed me with love and service. People showed up with at my door with beautiful flowers. One friend made activity bags for each of my kids for the car trip. Others took my kids off my hands. And they brought food. My brother came over and noticed all of the things that had accumulated and noted sarcastically that no one brought him any food. We laughed and noted that women know how to communicate with one another. Most friends didn’t even say a word. They just knocked on my door with a smile, gave me a big hug, and handed over a plate of brownies, or a pan of lasagna, or freezer meal or loaf of bread. And I heard and felt the message that no one needed to say out loud.
Food is love.
And that’s why I love what we do here. My Mom taught me so much of what I know not just about food, but gardening, home-making, life, faith, family and so much more. And I have had the unique opportunity to share it with millions of people around the world. Millions. I marvel at that. Part of that is her legacy.
So while you may have never met my Mom, you know her through her famous Mint Brownies and Peanut Butter and Jam Bars. You’ve adopted her traditions if like me, these Cheesy twice-baked Bleu Cheese Potatoes or Overnight Sausage and Egg Casserole grace your tables on holidays. You’ve tasted a bit of her warmth and goodness if you’ve made her signature Candy Cane Cookies found in our second book, and her love shines through in countless other recipes on this site and in our books. Whether she knew it or not, she’s part of Our Best Bites. I would say the same about Kate’s Mom, who died when Kate was young. We’re lucky to be the daughters of great women, whose shining examples continue to uplift and inspire us.
For anyone out there experiencing trials and heartache of your own, know this. There is purpose in everything, even the darker days. I truly believe that. One of my favorite thoughts is by James E. Faust, and I’ve felt a renewed significance of it in these past weeks:
Here then is a great truth. In the pain, the agony, and the heroic endeavors of life, we pass through a refiner’s fire, and the insignificant and the unimportant in our lives can melt away like dross and make our faith bright, intact, and strong. In this way the divine image can be mirrored from the soul. It is part of the purging toll exacted of some to become acquainted with God. In the agonies of life, we seem to listen better to the faint, godly whisperings of the Divine Shepherd.
Into every life there come the painful, despairing days of adversity and buffeting. There seems to be a full measure of anguish, sorrow, and often heartbreak for everyone, including those who earnestly seek to do right and be faithful. The thorns that prick, that stick in the flesh, that hurt, often change lives which seem robbed of significance and hope. This change comes about through a refining process which often seems cruel and hard. In this way the soul can become like soft clay in the hands of the Master in building lives of faith, usefulness, beauty, and strength. (-Faust, The Refiner’s Fire.)
In the weeks to come, you’ll see my pot roast recipe pop up here, and now you’ll know all the heart behind it. I hope it, along with the rest of the food we share here, helps you create traditions, memories, and safe places for your own hearts to return to.
Questions & Reviews
You are such a testament to all your mommy was.
bless you Sara my friend…
What a beautiful tribute to your mother. Her pictures are just lovely. What a joy to be raised by such a woman! Thank you for sharing your testimony! And I wish I could bring you a freezer meal too. 🙂 Prayers for you and yours!
So sorry for your loss.
Do not stand at my grave and weep.I am not there; I do not sleep.I am a thousand winds that blow.I am the diamond glints on snow.I am the sunlight on ripened grain.I am the gentle autumn rain.When you awaken in the morning’s hushI am the swift uplifting rushOf quiet birds in circled flight.I am the soft stars that shine at night.Do not stand at my grave and cry;I am not there; I did not die.[2]
Your words of love for your mother are an inspiring and uplifting tribute to her. I know she is looking on and beaming with gratitude and love. Thank you for sharing the words which have brought you comfort and strength in this time that is so agonizingly painful. Your strength is a further tribute to your mother and an example for your readers. Thank you for all that you do to share the message of family, faith, and -of course- delicious food! May your family be strengthened by the comfort of the Holy Ghost and may you continue in hope and faith!
[John 14:18,27]
I am so sorry for your loss. This is a beautiful post! I am bawling reading it. It makes me think of right after my mom passed away and we came home from the hospital and 2 of her closest friends were waiting for us with a hug and a pan of lasagna. So thankful for the love of God and good friends at those times. You and Kate are both such kind and beautiful women, obvious from your blog. Hugs to you! Hope you have a wonderful day!
I’ve never met you or your mom, but both of you have touched my life through the food that has graced our dining room table. Sending prayers and thanks your way .
Thank you for sharing this, Sara. Love and prayers to you in your time of grief.
Thank you for sharing this lovely tribute to your mom. Crying right now!!!
This post and your perspective as so beautiful!
Please know you are in my prayers, and you and mother will be reunited on heaven’s shore. In Christ’s love, Allen.
This is just so.. sad.
I lost my mum few months back and it hurts. deeply. May she rest in peace. God bless you and your family!
I am so sorry about your mom. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings regarding her, and her influence in your life, and ours. My mom passed away earlier this year, so I can relate to your feelings, and to the knowledge that you have that you will be together again. You and your family are in my prayers. I look forward to that pot roast recipe…I can practically smell it now. I will think of you and your mom when I make it. Take care.
I just bawled through this entire post. Thank you so much for sharing. I have to tell you that your blog has hugely impacted my cooking and traditions in my home. When I first got married, I would look up recipes on blogs to try and always came back to OBB and they would be a huge hit every single time. I’ve won a few ward cookoffs with your soup recipes, I’ve made it through every recipe in your first book and almost in your second and third, we’ve can’t have Thanksgiving without the sausage stuffing, it’s not a birthday without chunky monkey pancakes, and our Friday Movie Night pizzas have your amazing pizza sauce every week. I am grateful for your mom and her impact on you and on me, for making something that is so essential to life become a center for learning, traditions, and love. Thank you for everything you and Kate do for this blog, and for lives (like mine) that it touches!
HI Sara, we have been enjoying your recipes for a long time and they TRULY have made a difference in our lives. Food is a great part of Family and Friendship and it is so amazing that you share your families traditions with all of us. I am so sorry about your loss and appreciate you allowing us into your life; the joys and the struggles. Your mothers smile looks infectious, I am sure she will be greatly missed. I do know though that GOD IS GOOD, ALL THE TIME, and your mom is in HIS GLORY FOREVER! Praying for you and your family in all your endeavors!
My heart goes out to you and your family.
This post is beautiful. Thank you for putting your feelings into words.
I have shared your recipes with many family and friends over the last several months. We have used your recipes during happy times and used your recipes during some sad ones as well. Just this year alone my family has lost 7 family and friends. I too grew up cooking and baking alongside my mother and my grandmother. I have many treasured memories of my grandmother , she went to be with our Lord almost 30 years ago and I was so grateful to have had her in my life for 18 years. I try to make as many memories with my beautiful Mom as well. My sister passed away 5 years ago from colon cancer at the age of 45. Food comforts us it binds us with others it needs know explanation and it shows how much we Love each other. I enjoy your blog so much and look forward to reading about your life. I feel connected to you even though we have never met. My prayers are with you and your family. Treasure those beautiful memories of your Mom and pass those recipes on to others her spirit lives on in you… God Bless !
I love all your recipes and have shared them with numerous friends and family. We have celebrated with these recipes and we have mourned our loved ones with these recipes. You spoke so beautifully of your mother and your memories of your childhood. I too learned to bake and cook alongside my grandmother and my mother and I have such treasured memories of my childhood. My grandmother went to be with the Lord almost 30 years ago I was so grateful to have had her for 18 years. My mother is still living and I try to make as many memories with her as possible. This year alone our family has lost 7 friends and family. I am grateful for my Faith in Our heavenly father that we will see them all again someday. Food does give us comfort in those times of need and it also gives us joy to share with others. Thank you for your Wonderful Blogs I really enjoy reading about your lives and feel like I know you already even though we never have met. My prayers go out to you and your family and always remember and treasure those precious memories of your beautiful Mom…
Thank you for sharing your heart with us. Sympathy to you and your loved ones during this time of great loss. God will be by your side and give you the strength that you need. Fond memories are so important and it’s what you have to keep you smiling thinking of your Mother. Keep sharing food with us. : )
I’m so sorry. I don’t look forward to that day when I’ll have to bury my parents. May you find peace in the coming days. Thanks for being so real.
Sara, this is beautiful. Although I’ve only met you at a couple of book signings, I feel like you are a dear friend. Thank you for sharing this tender part of your life. I am crying for your loss and also for your amazing tribute to your mother. I know she must be so proud of you.
It’s so hard to lose a parent. Sending love and warm wishes. You’ll see her in so many things that you do and it will always bring you warmth and comfort. Thanks for sharing.
Beautiful. There’s a lump in my throat and tears in my eyes reading this. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and love for your mother. I am so grateful for all she taught you and that you have blessed so many lives with it! Praying for you Sara.
What a beautiful woman. I’m so sorry for your loss.
Sara, thank you so. I have for sharing beauty, pain, and love. I’m so sorry for your loss, but rejoice with you in the knowledge that you will see your mom again one day. Love and peace be with you and your family.
♥️
Dear Sarah, I wept as I read your heart aching words. And then I held my babies and gave thanks for them. God bless you and strengthen you in your sorrows. You are a hero to me! thank you for sharing your life and loves.
Sara, my heart is breaking for you. I lost my Mom more than 30 years ago and everytime I make her Maple bars or a pot roast (like you), I thank God that I was able to be adult friends with my Mom before she passed. She taught me all the cooking skills but more importantly, she taught me forgiveness, mercy and what is important in life. Oddly, this is also the 2nd anniversary of brother’s passing so your post is emotional but truthful. Thank you.
Sending love and hugs, Sara! This was such a beautifully written post. <3
I’m writing this through a migraine and remembering both my parents, (my father died 5 years ago and my mother died 3 years ago.) The important thing is that memories of your parents and of the times they spent with you will stay with you! They live on in memories, favorite recipes, stories you pass on to others, the love they and you shared. You grew up surrounded by that love and it will continue through generations. Though you are grieving now, that comfort will always be with you. My sympathy for you and your family and my hope that happier times will ease your pain.