This is the first in a series of posts about water safety. To read the post I wrote 1 1/2 years after the accident, click here. To learn more about water safety, check out this post.
I’ve literally spent the last few days agonizing about whether or not I should write this post for a number of reasons. I don’t want to make things weird between us. I feel like I’ve told this story over and over again and it feels weird to tell it again. I feel like I’m opening up a huge facet of my private life by sharing this story. I want to share information but not sound like an encyclopedia, and I want to make things personal but not have it sound like a bad Lifetime movie. So bear with me here.
I’ve gotta warn you guys that I can totally see how this can be a hard story to read, and that it might get under your skin. And I totally understand if you want to stop reading. But. I think what I have to share is important. I promise, because it’s something so intensely personal, I wouldn’t be sharing it if I didn’t think that it was important. I feel like if what I have to say can prevent even one accident like we had, it will be worth it.
I also ask that if you have something potentially unkind to say, to think really, really hard before you post it (and I subsequently delete it–just warning you now). I promise, there is nothing you can say to a parent in this situation that they haven’t already said to themselves.
Ready? Whew.
So as you guys know, Sara and I have been traveling a lot lately (and we just came back from our last trip! Woo-hoo!) We generally try to leave as late in the week as possible and come back on Sunday so we can be away from our families as little as possible, but it still takes its toll on everyone.
Last weekend, our event was in Salt Lake City and Sara had been planning on bringing her whole family. Through a series of kind of crazy and unusual circumstances (unexpected days off school, obscenely cheap airfare, unused frequent flier miles, a trip my dad and husband planned on taking together), we decided to bring our whole family as well. Sara’s and my kids completely adore each other and it was a chance for all of us to hang out for a few extra days and take a little mini vacation.
The night we got in, I was getting the kids ready for bed when Sara invited us to go swimming with them. I hadn’t brought my swimsuit and I didn’t really want to bring the baby in the water, but our kids were dying to see each other and hey, we were on a vacation. My kids have had a few summers’ worth of swimming lessons and can swim the length of the pool, so I wasn’t worried about playing around in the shallow end.
Here’s the thing. When it comes to water, bad things can happen quickly, and, unlike you see in TV and movies, those things are quiet. Here’s a fabulous article that talks about what drowning actually looks like and it’s something everyone should read and pass around to anyone who spends any time around water.
In our case, my oldest son was bouncing in an area where he could easily reach. And he did what anyone who’s spent a reasonable amount of time in a swimming pool has done–he landed where the pool started to slope. And it caught him off guard, and all it took was a gulp of water instead of air.
One of the reasons why I wanted to post this sooner rather than later was because KSL News in Salt Lake City did a story (you can read the whole thing here)Â on the teenage boy who pulled my son out of the water and I wanted to include it before the story and video are unavailable, largely because it spares me from personally having to share the harder details.
We’re not exactly sure how long he was underwater, but by piecing all the stories together and the fact that we were right there, it could have been anywhere from 1-3 minutes, but however long it was long enough to stop his heart and turn his skin blue. We really, truly could have lost him (and I thought we had).
After Greg pulled Clark out of the water, Sara’s husband gave him CPR and was able to revive him. He was rushed in an ambulance to Primary Children’s Medical Center where he spent a few hours in the ER and then was admitted to the PICU because he was having a hard time staying awake and his breathing was labored. Aside from the fact that hearing “ICU” is totally terrifying, it was really awful because I couldn’t stay with him (my husband did) because I had a nursing baby who wasnt allowed and there was no way for anyone else to feed him.
So I headed back to an empty hotel room quite literally in the middle of the night. And to say it sucked is the understatement of the century.
The next morning, he was much better and I was able to leave the baby with my husband and spend the morning with Clark in the ICU. They kept him long enough to get out of the danger zone and he left the hospital the day after the accident super tired with a cough, no appetite, and some antibiotics, but was otherwise completely fine (read: no brain damage).
In terms of facts and figures, I strongly encourage everyone to read the article I talked about earlier (and here it is again so you don’t have to go hunting for it). But I want to share, as a mom, some things to think about.
Kids aren’t as mature as we think they are. I think it’s easy to forget that bigger kids (like in the 6-10 range) are still pretty little kids, especially when you have younger kids in the mix. You’re used to relying on them to be mature and responsible, but in reality, they’re not as mature and responsible as we sometimes give them credit for. Additionally, Clark is my super-cautious rule-following kid; if I had to peg someone for a serious accident, it would have been my daughter.
Swim lessons (or floaties, or noodles, or life vests, or anything inflatable, or the presence of a lifeguard) are not a substitute for close supervision. I was there, keeping an eye on things, checking the pool, but I had a baby in my arms and friends I hadn’t seen in a long time and it had been a long day. Things literally happen in seconds and in the time it takes to run to the bathroom, have a serious phone conversation, deal with a fussy baby, listen to a child’s story, watch another kid jump off a diving board, or answer a text, it could be too late.
Supervision is not a substitute for excellent swimming skills. Like I said earlier, my kids have taken swimming lessons and Clark especially is a good little swimmer, but I think sometimes we forget that they don’t have the life experience necessary to not freak out if something catches them off guard. We’ve talked about the accident with him and told him he doesn’t need to get back in the pool tomorrow, or next week, or next month, but he does eventually need to continue with swim lessons and feeling comfortable in the pool.
Everyone should learn CPR. I don’t know what we would have done if Sara’s husband hadn’t been there that night. If I was hiring a babysitter and one of them was CPR-certified and the other one wasn’t, I’d most likely hire the CPR-certified babysitter, and yet I’ve been a mom for nearly 8 years and I haven’t had more than a brief overview of CPR a time or two as a teenager. I’m signing up for a CPR certification course ASAP so I never find myself in a situation where I couldn’t help someone who needed CPR. You can register for Red Cross classes here and even in my tiny community, there are a gazillion options available.
Don’t swim when you’re tired. My kids had been up late the night before in anticipation for our trip, then we’d been flying all day. It was an hour later for them than what the clock said and they were up way past their bedtime. Bad idea.
Don’t swim alone. That’s more for adults and teenagers, but even good, experienced swimmers can underestimate how close they are to a pool wall and hit their head or experience any number of other little accidents that normally wouldn’t be a big deal, but when you’re dealing with water, they become a big deal.
We all think it’s not going to happen to us. It’s so hard to strike a balance between being neurotic and thinking things aren’t going to happen to us; neither one is a good thing. Car accidents happen to bad drivers and water accidents happen to neglectful parents. Except that they don’t…they can happen to anyone. This accident has been a wake-up call for safety in all areas of my life, not to a point where I’m crazy, but it’s just reminded me that there are easy things I can do to make things safer: Water safety, locking doors, unplugging appliances, using car seats and boosters properly, not running the dryer when I’m not at home or while we’re sleeping, making sure our fire and carbon monoxide detectors are working properly, and ignoring the fact that my text alert has beeped 6 times in 2 minutes while I’m driving. You don’t have to live in fear, but a little caution goes a long way.
Thankfully, within 48 hours, he was nearly his old little self. Here’s a picture of Clark (the one with Perry the Platypus) and Sara’s little boy Tyler two nights after it happened.
and all the OBB kiddos (minus Baby Will)…
As for us, we’re doing fine. Clark had a little freak-out the night he was discharged from the hospital, but he seems to be handling it really well. Generally, I’m good, although I’ve been busy. Sometimes in a quiet moment, those scary images and “what if” thoughts creep into my head, and sometimes they completely blindside me when I’m out and about and they kind of take my breath away. I’m just so very grateful to all the people who happened to be there that night–Eric (Sara’s husband), Greg (the awesome teenager), Nate (who helped Eric), Sara (who kept me from completely and totally losing it and who drove me to and from the hospital a few times in the middle of the night), the nice ladies who held Will, the paramedics, ER staff, and Jen the ICU nurse who Clark is completely enamored with.
For those of you little detectives that figured out what happened after I posted last week and have sent such sweet comments, emails, thoughts, and prayers, I appreciate them so much. Thank you guys from the bottom of my heart for being such fabulous, supportive blog readers.Thank you for sticking with me through such a heavy blog post! I hope sharing our experiences will help keep your families and loved ones safe!
Questions & Reviews
Thank you so much for posting this. My oldest son is also 7, and I know how easily this could happen. He is our big boy, and with a toddler running around, he is not the one I am concerned about watching closely. I cannot imagine how frightening this was for you, but reading this will cause me to be more cautious next time we are in a pool. I am always in the vicinity, but I don’t watch as closely as I should.
Oh, and for those who have something nasty to say, there has to be so much hate and judgment in their hearts, that they have to be miserable people. Tragedies can happen to anyone.
Thank your for your candor about this, and God bless you and your family.
I love that you couragesly batteled through this post, Bless your heart, our family is full of dare devils and we have had a few life changing moments, and seriously thats what they are. We were sent on this earth to have moments, and that is what this was a moment for the Heros and that includes you Mom as well as Clark. These are the lessons that will change our journeys for the good or for the bad. and it sounds to me that everyone included are Heros, May God bless each of you for your roles, and help you to feel the love and peace that is instore for those moments in life.
I also have to say thank you for posting this. We all need reminders on occasion that these things can happen when we least expect them and we can’t keep an eye on our children 24 hours a day, even though we would like to. My 15 year old would try and hurt me if I did! I will also say that when I was kid, I also had a panicked swimming incident. I jumped into the swimming pool and jumped to a part that was a tad higher than I was comfortable with and completely panicked. My older brother who was near grabbed me and pulled me up, so no heart stopping or anything, but it means that no matter how close people are, accidents can happen. Please, don’t blame yourself for what happened, or what almost happened. (I am saying that, because I know I would whether I deserved any blame or not.)
OMG! How awful! My son did the same thing (jumping up & down) and hit the slope. Thankfully, I was sitting right there and threw him one end of a towel & dragged him to the side of the pool. Scared BOTH of us. My husband and I took CPR classes about 30 years ago and have never (thank God) had to use that knowledge! EVERYONE SHOULD TAKE CPR CLASSES! Take the time & do it now. You won’t regret it. Blessings on you and your family!
Oh, my goodness, it takes my breath away to think about this and I’m not his mother . . . So sorry you had to go through this, but SO glad all is well! And not only do these posts remind us to be safe, they also remind us to cherish our babies. Thanks.
Kate, I am so sorry to hear about your families trial. I am so happy that your little one is Okay. It was so brave of you to post this story so that you could help others be more aware. Thank you.
Kate, thank you for sharing your story. We all need to be reminded how fast things can happen to our loved ones. My husband got into trouble on a snorkling trip and I almost panic sometimes when I let myself think about that day on a beautiful vacation in Hawaii. God bless you for sharing your story.
this was SO good for me to read. i’ve been the mom who assumes that her kid is perfectly safe to swim off with a floatie as long as they stay in the shallow end. this puts a whole new perspective on things. i’m SO glad your son is alright.
I am so sorry you had to experience this, but know first hand what an eye opening experience it is! My sister saved my sons life, just as he was noticed going down the slope of the deep end. We didn’t know how long he had been under, but like yourself, I was standing there poolside also!! My son was 5 years old at the time. We put him and his two younger sisters in swimming lessons right away!! I will be forever thankful to my sister for her quick thinking and for saving his life!! I’m happy to report he will be turning 18 soon and graduating at the top of his class!!
I can’t imagine having a rude or negative response to this. I was so touched by your openness and the love that you are showing your readers. The fact that you would share such a personal, upsetting, and obviously overwhelming story shows the character that you have. I am pregnant with my first child, a boy, and this touched me so deeply. I am so thankful your son is ok and that you are all ok. Please don’t beat yourself up about this. I know I’m the type of person that will hold on to regrets and think of what ifs. Just remember that this situation was truly a “God Moment.” Love and blessings!
I’m so sorry this happened to you. Please don’t feel like you need to explain yourself to ANYONE, as this was a terrible, nightmarish accident. An accident. Caution and watchfulness are so important, but the fact is you just can’t sit and stare at your kids without blinking every minute of the day. Nobody did anything wrong. I’m glad the people were there who could help and I’m glad your little boy is okay.
I hope nobody says anything nasty to you in this terrible situation. I’m also going to look for a CPR class in my area. Thanks for your bravery in telling us your eye-opening story.
I’m so glad your son is ok. When I started reading this post I got chills because I remember watching the news story about the amazing young man that saved a little boy, and thinking he truly was prompted to be at that place and at that time. I remember the story said that the young man was planning to go to a dance, but felt like he needed to go swimming instead. Wow…I’m so glad everything turned out ok, and that your little boy was being watched over.
Glad that all worked out okay for your family. My son once fell off a float board in the pool. I was pushing the board through the water for him, so was literally right there. He went under and didn’t move — no call out, kicks or splashing. There was so little reaction that I thought he was trying to pull a prank, but he wasn’t. I had to scoop him out. There was no real danger since I was there to scoop him out, but it was a great lesson in what a drowning really looks like. Won’t ever forget. Thanks for sharing your story, and big hugs!
Thanks for sharing your story, and I’m glad everything turned out ok!
So sad and scary! what a traumatic event for everyone! You are right..it could have happened to anyone! It is so scary being a mom sometimes.. I’m sorry that you all had such a big scare but so so glad that miracles took place and your little boy is okay! So BLESSED! Thanks for sharing all the advice on drowning and helping us to be more aware.
You and your family our in my thoughts and prayers. Big way to go for Greg – so tired of hearing about youth gone wrong – shining example of youth doing amazing things!! Thank you, Greg. May you and your family find peace again.
You sweet sister: You are sooooo NORMAL! ((Hugs!)) Glad to hear it turned out so well. And, Yes, he needs to get back in the pool someday! Thank you for sharing.
I’m so glad Clark is okay! My son slipped under the water this summer as well-in a heartbeat-but was okay. I agree that everyone should take a CPR class and I’m glad you had the strength of heart to post something so obviously difficult! Hugs from the Heartland!
Oh, my goodness. Thank you for sharing your story. I’m so, so thankful that your little guy is OK. Totally tearing up over here. With regards to your comment about being extra vigilant, as I was backing out of the driveway today to run errands, I stopped and ran back in the house to turn off the dryer. I heard my mom’s voice in my head telling me not to be foolish–better safe than sorry! LOL! On a more serious note, it’s hard for me to go swimming with friends and their families because they tend to find me neurotic. I’ve read about how silent drowning can be and how quickly it happens. I also read an article that suggests appointing one adult to be the designated “pool watcher” at all times. That person doesn’t to ANYTHING but watch the pool for a 15 minute shift; then someone else takes over. However, I can’t find anyone else who thinks that is necessary, so I end up being the designated watcher for the whole time. :-/ Better safe than sorry! xoxo
I would be your watching buddy! 🙂
This could happen to anyone! Thank you for all the safety reminders. I’m so thankful your son is ok!
Bless you and Clark and your whole family. I was at Time Out For Women in Salt Lake and heard you and Sara speak. You were so inspirational and funny and I felt like you were two of my best girlfriends sharing stories of your sweet families. Thank you for giving your time away from your family to be with us. I am so sorry that it ended with such a life-altering accident. A friend of mine lost her sweet 4 year old in a pool just a few short weeks ago, surrounded by friends and family, it just took a second. He was also taken to primary’s, but he was not as lucky as little Clark. He has another job on the other side of Heaven. May God bless and keep all our little ones safe and may we never take a single second for granted. Thank you for sharing your story.
My friend who watched my daughter during TOFW that Saturday is also friends with that family–she couldn’t believe that there were 2 incidents so close with people she knew. So, so, so tragic.
So happy things turned out well and your family was blessed. Your post may help others, so that’s blessings all round. Love your new cookbook.
I don’t know what to say, except I had to stop reading and take a break for the tears to clear.
I have found myself relaxing too much for my own comfort with my own 7 year old son due to his younger sister needing more attention and his increasing independence.
Thank you for sharing your terrifying experience about water safety.
Thank God your little Clark fully recovered, though we as parents, not so much.
I hope you don’t beat yourself up. We have all been there. I have nine children and I know it is a miracle we aren’t at the ER every day! Life happens, accidents happen. I appreciate the time you took to put yourself out there, which is never easy, and share your story so that someone might be touched or influenced and perhaps prevent the same thing from happening to them. I am so happy that it ended well. Thank Heaven for those angels that are sent to protect us and our children. I hope we will get to see one day all that was prevented or that we were spared because of a prompting someone received or a guardian angel that was sent to us. Enjoy your Holidays with your beautiful family and friends and know that you are loved!
Thank you Kate for sharing your story. You are a good mother and I’m so sorry you had to endure this pain. I am thankful Clark is OK! It’s a reminder for us all, accidents happen in an instant. All the Best to you and your family!
Glad to hear that he is doing well & everyone is ok. Life can change in an instant & I am glad for the reminder. I am going to brush up on my CPR especially with a new baby due in 7 weeks.
Oh Kate! It’s the worst! My 2-year-old fell in TWICE this summer. Once because he was pushed and once because he fell. We were all in the pool, he has had swimming lessons and he was being watched by numerous adults and it STILL happened. I was able both times to quickly swim to his rescue. But nothing can describe the horror you feel when it happens. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. Thank you for your bravery in sharing this. It’s a message we all need to hear!
Wow. What a scary experience. Thanks for sharing your story, and the resources about what drowning looks like. A good thing for any parent to know. I am so so glad things turned out well!
Thank you for sharing this. As a former lifeguard, I can’t stress to parents enough the need for swimming lessons, so thank you for posting this as a tangible reminder of how quick things can happen. It takes a courageous person to share a personal story like this, so thank you. You just may have saved a life yourself!
Wow!! As a mom of 6 (will be 7 in January) I know all too well how just a teeny, tiny moment could forever change my life. I’m so glad your moment turned out well. I am so aware of the fact that all my kids are here only because our Heavenly Father doesn’t need them on the other side yet. VERY grateful for that and that things worked out fine for you, even if it was super scary!