This is the first in a series of posts about water safety. To read the post I wrote 1 1/2 years after the accident, click here. To learn more about water safety, check out this post.
I’ve literally spent the last few days agonizing about whether or not I should write this post for a number of reasons. I don’t want to make things weird between us. I feel like I’ve told this story over and over again and it feels weird to tell it again. I feel like I’m opening up a huge facet of my private life by sharing this story. I want to share information but not sound like an encyclopedia, and I want to make things personal but not have it sound like a bad Lifetime movie. So bear with me here.
I’ve gotta warn you guys that I can totally see how this can be a hard story to read, and that it might get under your skin. And I totally understand if you want to stop reading. But. I think what I have to share is important. I promise, because it’s something so intensely personal, I wouldn’t be sharing it if I didn’t think that it was important. I feel like if what I have to say can prevent even one accident like we had, it will be worth it.
I also ask that if you have something potentially unkind to say, to think really, really hard before you post it (and I subsequently delete it–just warning you now). I promise, there is nothing you can say to a parent in this situation that they haven’t already said to themselves.
Ready? Whew.
So as you guys know, Sara and I have been traveling a lot lately (and we just came back from our last trip! Woo-hoo!) We generally try to leave as late in the week as possible and come back on Sunday so we can be away from our families as little as possible, but it still takes its toll on everyone.
Last weekend, our event was in Salt Lake City and Sara had been planning on bringing her whole family. Through a series of kind of crazy and unusual circumstances (unexpected days off school, obscenely cheap airfare, unused frequent flier miles, a trip my dad and husband planned on taking together), we decided to bring our whole family as well. Sara’s and my kids completely adore each other and it was a chance for all of us to hang out for a few extra days and take a little mini vacation.
The night we got in, I was getting the kids ready for bed when Sara invited us to go swimming with them. I hadn’t brought my swimsuit and I didn’t really want to bring the baby in the water, but our kids were dying to see each other and hey, we were on a vacation. My kids have had a few summers’ worth of swimming lessons and can swim the length of the pool, so I wasn’t worried about playing around in the shallow end.
Here’s the thing. When it comes to water, bad things can happen quickly, and, unlike you see in TV and movies, those things are quiet. Here’s a fabulous article that talks about what drowning actually looks like and it’s something everyone should read and pass around to anyone who spends any time around water.
In our case, my oldest son was bouncing in an area where he could easily reach. And he did what anyone who’s spent a reasonable amount of time in a swimming pool has done–he landed where the pool started to slope. And it caught him off guard, and all it took was a gulp of water instead of air.
One of the reasons why I wanted to post this sooner rather than later was because KSL News in Salt Lake City did a story (you can read the whole thing here) on the teenage boy who pulled my son out of the water and I wanted to include it before the story and video are unavailable, largely because it spares me from personally having to share the harder details.
We’re not exactly sure how long he was underwater, but by piecing all the stories together and the fact that we were right there, it could have been anywhere from 1-3 minutes, but however long it was long enough to stop his heart and turn his skin blue. We really, truly could have lost him (and I thought we had).
After Greg pulled Clark out of the water, Sara’s husband gave him CPR and was able to revive him. He was rushed in an ambulance to Primary Children’s Medical Center where he spent a few hours in the ER and then was admitted to the PICU because he was having a hard time staying awake and his breathing was labored. Aside from the fact that hearing “ICU” is totally terrifying, it was really awful because I couldn’t stay with him (my husband did) because I had a nursing baby who wasnt allowed and there was no way for anyone else to feed him.
So I headed back to an empty hotel room quite literally in the middle of the night. And to say it sucked is the understatement of the century.
The next morning, he was much better and I was able to leave the baby with my husband and spend the morning with Clark in the ICU. They kept him long enough to get out of the danger zone and he left the hospital the day after the accident super tired with a cough, no appetite, and some antibiotics, but was otherwise completely fine (read: no brain damage).
In terms of facts and figures, I strongly encourage everyone to read the article I talked about earlier (and here it is again so you don’t have to go hunting for it). But I want to share, as a mom, some things to think about.
Kids aren’t as mature as we think they are. I think it’s easy to forget that bigger kids (like in the 6-10 range) are still pretty little kids, especially when you have younger kids in the mix. You’re used to relying on them to be mature and responsible, but in reality, they’re not as mature and responsible as we sometimes give them credit for. Additionally, Clark is my super-cautious rule-following kid; if I had to peg someone for a serious accident, it would have been my daughter.
Swim lessons (or floaties, or noodles, or life vests, or anything inflatable, or the presence of a lifeguard) are not a substitute for close supervision. I was there, keeping an eye on things, checking the pool, but I had a baby in my arms and friends I hadn’t seen in a long time and it had been a long day. Things literally happen in seconds and in the time it takes to run to the bathroom, have a serious phone conversation, deal with a fussy baby, listen to a child’s story, watch another kid jump off a diving board, or answer a text, it could be too late.
Supervision is not a substitute for excellent swimming skills. Like I said earlier, my kids have taken swimming lessons and Clark especially is a good little swimmer, but I think sometimes we forget that they don’t have the life experience necessary to not freak out if something catches them off guard. We’ve talked about the accident with him and told him he doesn’t need to get back in the pool tomorrow, or next week, or next month, but he does eventually need to continue with swim lessons and feeling comfortable in the pool.
Everyone should learn CPR. I don’t know what we would have done if Sara’s husband hadn’t been there that night. If I was hiring a babysitter and one of them was CPR-certified and the other one wasn’t, I’d most likely hire the CPR-certified babysitter, and yet I’ve been a mom for nearly 8 years and I haven’t had more than a brief overview of CPR a time or two as a teenager. I’m signing up for a CPR certification course ASAP so I never find myself in a situation where I couldn’t help someone who needed CPR. You can register for Red Cross classes here and even in my tiny community, there are a gazillion options available.
Don’t swim when you’re tired. My kids had been up late the night before in anticipation for our trip, then we’d been flying all day. It was an hour later for them than what the clock said and they were up way past their bedtime. Bad idea.
Don’t swim alone. That’s more for adults and teenagers, but even good, experienced swimmers can underestimate how close they are to a pool wall and hit their head or experience any number of other little accidents that normally wouldn’t be a big deal, but when you’re dealing with water, they become a big deal.
We all think it’s not going to happen to us. It’s so hard to strike a balance between being neurotic and thinking things aren’t going to happen to us; neither one is a good thing. Car accidents happen to bad drivers and water accidents happen to neglectful parents. Except that they don’t…they can happen to anyone. This accident has been a wake-up call for safety in all areas of my life, not to a point where I’m crazy, but it’s just reminded me that there are easy things I can do to make things safer: Water safety, locking doors, unplugging appliances, using car seats and boosters properly, not running the dryer when I’m not at home or while we’re sleeping, making sure our fire and carbon monoxide detectors are working properly, and ignoring the fact that my text alert has beeped 6 times in 2 minutes while I’m driving. You don’t have to live in fear, but a little caution goes a long way.
Thankfully, within 48 hours, he was nearly his old little self. Here’s a picture of Clark (the one with Perry the Platypus) and Sara’s little boy Tyler two nights after it happened.
and all the OBB kiddos (minus Baby Will)…
As for us, we’re doing fine. Clark had a little freak-out the night he was discharged from the hospital, but he seems to be handling it really well. Generally, I’m good, although I’ve been busy. Sometimes in a quiet moment, those scary images and “what if” thoughts creep into my head, and sometimes they completely blindside me when I’m out and about and they kind of take my breath away. I’m just so very grateful to all the people who happened to be there that night–Eric (Sara’s husband), Greg (the awesome teenager), Nate (who helped Eric), Sara (who kept me from completely and totally losing it and who drove me to and from the hospital a few times in the middle of the night), the nice ladies who held Will, the paramedics, ER staff, and Jen the ICU nurse who Clark is completely enamored with.
For those of you little detectives that figured out what happened after I posted last week and have sent such sweet comments, emails, thoughts, and prayers, I appreciate them so much. Thank you guys from the bottom of my heart for being such fabulous, supportive blog readers.Thank you for sticking with me through such a heavy blog post! I hope sharing our experiences will help keep your families and loved ones safe!
Questions & Reviews
Kate, I can’t tell you how grateful I am that everything turned out okay. We miss you and your cute family!
We miss you guys, too! Seriously, if I could move back to that ward, I would in about 2 seconds!
Oh, my goodness, you poor thing! I cannot imagine what you’ve been through. I think every mother can relate though to getting distracted, even just for a second. I am so, so glad that your son is okay. I hope you are too. Sometimes these things are more traumatic for the mom than the child. You were all definitely being watched over that night. As a side note, boy, I bet you love your brother in law now! 😉 Thanks so much for sharing your story and making each of us think twice about the things we do daily. I hope you find comfort.
I just want to clarify I meant it was “hard to read” because it’s so scary to think of the what might have beens, and I think 99% of moms who let their kids swim have had close calls.
That is SOO scary. I know how scary it is when you have a child in the hospital. I’m so glad he’s OK!
You’re right that WAS very hard to read, bless your heart! I’m so sorry that happened. Thank goodness there were so many blessings involved!
It’s wonderful that everyone, especially Clark, is alright. We, too, have had two water incidents with our son. My husband and I both know CPR (because he coaches youth tackle football and I spent 20 yrs in the US Air Force). Fortunately, neither one of us has ever had to perform it on anyone other than Annie…You were blessed that you had someone there who knew how to do it. Kids are kids and adults get distracted. My son was 25′ away from me when I watched him fall off a dock into the water. I fished him out by his ankle. He didn’t have to go to the hospital and I didn’t make a big deal out of it in front of him. Today, at 7, he swims like a fish and can even go the length of our pool underwater. Good for you in telling Clark that he needs to go back in the water at some point. We were living on our boat and the last think I wanted to do was let our son become afraid of the water. Fortunately, that hasn’t happened. Saying prayers for all of you.
Good for you for sharing what could really happen to anyone. Thanks for writing about the real part of life and not just the pretty part. Now I like you even more!
We had a very similar situation happen with our youngest boy a couple years ago. Reading this brought back all those emotions and images. I will never, ever forget seeing him floating under that water. Horrendous. (he’s totally fine now, although I still panic a teeny bit every time we go swimming!) I’m so, so sorry you had to go through this but thank you for sharing your story!
Ugh. Just realized I typed Sara instead of Kate! Whoops! :/
Wow, Sara. I was shaking as I read your post. What a scary thing to go through as a parent! 🙁 If there’s anything I’m afraid of its my kids choking or drowning (or getting badly burned). Something I’m always scared of! As I know I’ve mentioned before, one of my husbands brothers drowned at 21 so that makes it even more of a fear because we actually have a family member who died that way. I’m so sorry you had to go through such an awful thing, but I’m also SO glad that everything ended up being ok!! After I read how he is fine now I said a prayer of thanks to God that he is alive & well! That really is a miracle! 🙂 Blessing to your family & thank you for sharing your heart with us and reminding us how important it is to be careful (especially where our children are concerned).
I believe every family has had a close call or two in their lives involving their children. I’m so grateful that your son is fine, what a great blessing to all of you. Thank you for sharing this difficult story!
Honestly. Anyone who would even think of leaving a rude comment after reading this post is definitely not a mom, or a parent, or even a good person (for that matter). My son is nearly 11 months and the trauma of letting him ‘cry it out’ while sleep training literally scarred me, so I can’t even begin to imagine all that you and your family endured in navigating this accident and the aftermath. Thank you for your bravery in sharing your story – I just registered for the next available CPR course in my area (on December 1st) because I need a refresher and your story pushed me to knock this ‘to do’ off my never ending list. As everyone has said, I am sincerely so happy that Clark survived and is doing well. Virtual hugs galore. And then some.
My heart aches for you. I cannot imagine a more terrifying situation to be in. Thank goodness for the tender mercies, right? 🙂 Glad your son is doing well.
I sure hope that no one has had any negative comments as accidents are just that…accidents. Thank you for your willingness to share this story as I am sure that many other accidents may be prevented because of it. My God Bless you and your families for they joy and awesome food that you have brought to my family. Warmest Aloha from Maui.
Amy
Oh you dear, swee mama. I cannot even imagine how scared you must have been I am so glad that God was watching over your little boy and that he is safe and sound. Thank you for sharing your story so that the rest of us mothers can be more cautious.
I know you have 5 gazillion comments…and with how busy life can get, I’m not sure you’ll even get to see this one. But, I’m leaving it anyway. Just in case. 🙂
I am so glad you posted about this. I definitely see OBB as a community–and I think what you have to say here is so important to that community. Many of us are mothers, aunts, sisters, friends, etc. who may some day find ourselves in this same situation. I have no doubt that your experience is going to change a life for the better in the future. With thousands of people following OBB, it can’t NOT have an effect.
I also have no doubt that it wasn’t that those people “happened” to be there that night. I often feel like Heavenly Father waits for certain circumstances to come together to allow us to experience what we need to experience. Those times are such an indicator to me of God’s love. I hope you’re feeling that in spite of all of those feelings of guilt and “what ifs” that I’m sure must race in from time to time.
Also, I just have to tell you that I’m in Stephanie and Peter’s ward–and I can definitely see that your kids have a resemblance to their cousins! 🙂 Thanks again for sharing.
I’ve read every single one–I wish I could respond to all of them! 🙂 And yes, they definitely look like those particular cousins! 🙂
Thank you for sharing this harrowing experience. What a scary event for all of you. I’m so glad your little Clark is okay. This is excellent advice for everyone. Though it was many years ago, I know firsthand the tragedy of losing a family member to drowning. I am so thankful your story had a good ending. All my best to everyone involved. Hugs.
This blog post brought me to tears, because it brought back such vivid memories of when the same thing happened to me, years ago when I was 5. I slipped off an inner tube and went under quietly, with none of the thrashing and “surfacing 3 times” nonsense they show in movies. Drowning is quiet, and your body locks up so quickly, you are literally unable to help yourself, even if you have the presence of mind to think rationally about what you need to do. I had trouble with ear infections and bronchial issues for years after my drowning incident, and had a terrible phobia about being in the water. I would experience panic attacks, even in a bathtub with only a few inches of water. As an adult, I’ve forced myself to take years of swimming lessons, determined to be able to save my kids if something should ever happen to them, but still, I can barely swim the width of a pool, and I cannot tread water AT ALL. Many lifeguards and coaches have commented that they have never seen anyone less buoyant. Prayin that your sweet boy will overcome this experience. Thank you for having the courage to share this! As a parent, it would be my nightmare.
I thank you for sharing this powerful story. I was also in the position of saving a young boy from drowning at a hotel. It was 2 summers ago and I was in the pool reading and not paying attention to much else going on. I was right at the edge of the 5 ft area where it began to slope down to the deep end. Suddenly I heard this gasping noise behind me and realized a young boy had gotten himself in trouble. Luckily I was able to get to him and get him to safety. His parents were no where to be found. The little boy’s sister ran upstairs to get his parents. Neither one of those children were old enough to be using the pool without supervision.
I am so thankful that your son is safe and well. Things can go badly so quickly. Blessings to you and you and your family.
Oh, my goodness, that is so horrible (and so lucky you were there!)
I was in tears reading this. Thank God your little one is ok and there isn’t anything wrong with him. I am keeping both of your families in my prayers. The fight has been won, now it’s the war on fear you have to worry about.
I teach CPR and I cannot stress how important it is to know CPR even if you don’t think you need to know it.
Thank God for tender mercies!
Absolutely my worst nightmare! I can’t even begin to imagine what you were/are feeling, but know that you are being thought of. Even the most attentive parents cannot protect their children every second of every day (although I have seriously thought of looking a protective bubble for my girls, haha!).
How scary! I’m so sorry you had to go through that. Thank you for posting and for helping to make people aware that it can happen so very fast, much faster than you’d expect.
Glad to know everyone is ok!
I’m a nurse in the PICU at Primary’s and before I had kids I always thought parents were just negligent. Now that I have kids I can attest to the fact that things just happen quickly! Even the best of parents can’t watch their kids every second of the day. I’m so glad that everything turned out well for you! I’m so sorry that you guys had to go through that and I commend you for putting yourself out there for possible criticism in the hopes of saving other lives.
I don’t know you, but I love you. Accidents happen ALL THE TIME. It is so hard for us Mommas not to blame ourselves, or others, or to not be paranoid and wrap our kids in bubble wrap…(how much would a toddler size and newborn sized roll be??). Praying for you and your family (and all us with littles) to remember that God loves them even more than we do and He is always in control.
Thank you, Ali!! Toddler sized bubble wrap could come in handy from time to time… 🙂
Oh Kate! How scary! I am so glad he is ok. I know the Mom guilt as high right now, but it will fade. My son swallowed a button battery just over a year ago, when I was in the same room as he was – it only takes a second! Thankfully my son is ok and I’ve forgiven myself. Thank you for sharing
I was just reading about button batteries and WOW!! Those things are scary!!
Thanks for sharing. I know how hard it is to share a deeply personal story, but I know it has started me thinking. I am going to look into some CPR classes now :). So glad you had a happy ending !!!! Thanks again.
Oh wow. You are so lucky and yes these things happen. So so scary and thank goodness for CPR. My heart goes out to you. So glad its a hapoy endinf.
Who would leave a rude comment to that? Thanks for sharing your experience. I hope all my children (the parents of my grandchildren!) read this. We all follow your blog, so I’m sure they will. We all need a reminder of how quickly these things can happen. That must have been so hard to get through, but I am so glad your little guy is okay!