This is the first in a series of posts about water safety. To read the post I wrote 1 1/2 years after the accident, click here. To learn more about water safety, check out this post.
I’ve literally spent the last few days agonizing about whether or not I should write this post for a number of reasons. I don’t want to make things weird between us. I feel like I’ve told this story over and over again and it feels weird to tell it again. I feel like I’m opening up a huge facet of my private life by sharing this story. I want to share information but not sound like an encyclopedia, and I want to make things personal but not have it sound like a bad Lifetime movie. So bear with me here.
I’ve gotta warn you guys that I can totally see how this can be a hard story to read, and that it might get under your skin. And I totally understand if you want to stop reading. But. I think what I have to share is important. I promise, because it’s something so intensely personal, I wouldn’t be sharing it if I didn’t think that it was important. I feel like if what I have to say can prevent even one accident like we had, it will be worth it.
I also ask that if you have something potentially unkind to say, to think really, really hard before you post it (and I subsequently delete it–just warning you now). I promise, there is nothing you can say to a parent in this situation that they haven’t already said to themselves.
Ready? Whew.
So as you guys know, Sara and I have been traveling a lot lately (and we just came back from our last trip! Woo-hoo!) We generally try to leave as late in the week as possible and come back on Sunday so we can be away from our families as little as possible, but it still takes its toll on everyone.
Last weekend, our event was in Salt Lake City and Sara had been planning on bringing her whole family. Through a series of kind of crazy and unusual circumstances (unexpected days off school, obscenely cheap airfare, unused frequent flier miles, a trip my dad and husband planned on taking together), we decided to bring our whole family as well. Sara’s and my kids completely adore each other and it was a chance for all of us to hang out for a few extra days and take a little mini vacation.
The night we got in, I was getting the kids ready for bed when Sara invited us to go swimming with them. I hadn’t brought my swimsuit and I didn’t really want to bring the baby in the water, but our kids were dying to see each other and hey, we were on a vacation. My kids have had a few summers’ worth of swimming lessons and can swim the length of the pool, so I wasn’t worried about playing around in the shallow end.
Here’s the thing. When it comes to water, bad things can happen quickly, and, unlike you see in TV and movies, those things are quiet. Here’s a fabulous article that talks about what drowning actually looks like and it’s something everyone should read and pass around to anyone who spends any time around water.
In our case, my oldest son was bouncing in an area where he could easily reach. And he did what anyone who’s spent a reasonable amount of time in a swimming pool has done–he landed where the pool started to slope. And it caught him off guard, and all it took was a gulp of water instead of air.
One of the reasons why I wanted to post this sooner rather than later was because KSL News in Salt Lake City did a story (you can read the whole thing here)Â on the teenage boy who pulled my son out of the water and I wanted to include it before the story and video are unavailable, largely because it spares me from personally having to share the harder details.
We’re not exactly sure how long he was underwater, but by piecing all the stories together and the fact that we were right there, it could have been anywhere from 1-3 minutes, but however long it was long enough to stop his heart and turn his skin blue. We really, truly could have lost him (and I thought we had).
After Greg pulled Clark out of the water, Sara’s husband gave him CPR and was able to revive him. He was rushed in an ambulance to Primary Children’s Medical Center where he spent a few hours in the ER and then was admitted to the PICU because he was having a hard time staying awake and his breathing was labored. Aside from the fact that hearing “ICU” is totally terrifying, it was really awful because I couldn’t stay with him (my husband did) because I had a nursing baby who wasnt allowed and there was no way for anyone else to feed him.
So I headed back to an empty hotel room quite literally in the middle of the night. And to say it sucked is the understatement of the century.
The next morning, he was much better and I was able to leave the baby with my husband and spend the morning with Clark in the ICU. They kept him long enough to get out of the danger zone and he left the hospital the day after the accident super tired with a cough, no appetite, and some antibiotics, but was otherwise completely fine (read: no brain damage).
In terms of facts and figures, I strongly encourage everyone to read the article I talked about earlier (and here it is again so you don’t have to go hunting for it). But I want to share, as a mom, some things to think about.
Kids aren’t as mature as we think they are. I think it’s easy to forget that bigger kids (like in the 6-10 range) are still pretty little kids, especially when you have younger kids in the mix. You’re used to relying on them to be mature and responsible, but in reality, they’re not as mature and responsible as we sometimes give them credit for. Additionally, Clark is my super-cautious rule-following kid; if I had to peg someone for a serious accident, it would have been my daughter.
Swim lessons (or floaties, or noodles, or life vests, or anything inflatable, or the presence of a lifeguard) are not a substitute for close supervision. I was there, keeping an eye on things, checking the pool, but I had a baby in my arms and friends I hadn’t seen in a long time and it had been a long day. Things literally happen in seconds and in the time it takes to run to the bathroom, have a serious phone conversation, deal with a fussy baby, listen to a child’s story, watch another kid jump off a diving board, or answer a text, it could be too late.
Supervision is not a substitute for excellent swimming skills. Like I said earlier, my kids have taken swimming lessons and Clark especially is a good little swimmer, but I think sometimes we forget that they don’t have the life experience necessary to not freak out if something catches them off guard. We’ve talked about the accident with him and told him he doesn’t need to get back in the pool tomorrow, or next week, or next month, but he does eventually need to continue with swim lessons and feeling comfortable in the pool.
Everyone should learn CPR. I don’t know what we would have done if Sara’s husband hadn’t been there that night. If I was hiring a babysitter and one of them was CPR-certified and the other one wasn’t, I’d most likely hire the CPR-certified babysitter, and yet I’ve been a mom for nearly 8 years and I haven’t had more than a brief overview of CPR a time or two as a teenager. I’m signing up for a CPR certification course ASAP so I never find myself in a situation where I couldn’t help someone who needed CPR. You can register for Red Cross classes here and even in my tiny community, there are a gazillion options available.
Don’t swim when you’re tired. My kids had been up late the night before in anticipation for our trip, then we’d been flying all day. It was an hour later for them than what the clock said and they were up way past their bedtime. Bad idea.
Don’t swim alone. That’s more for adults and teenagers, but even good, experienced swimmers can underestimate how close they are to a pool wall and hit their head or experience any number of other little accidents that normally wouldn’t be a big deal, but when you’re dealing with water, they become a big deal.
We all think it’s not going to happen to us. It’s so hard to strike a balance between being neurotic and thinking things aren’t going to happen to us; neither one is a good thing. Car accidents happen to bad drivers and water accidents happen to neglectful parents. Except that they don’t…they can happen to anyone. This accident has been a wake-up call for safety in all areas of my life, not to a point where I’m crazy, but it’s just reminded me that there are easy things I can do to make things safer: Water safety, locking doors, unplugging appliances, using car seats and boosters properly, not running the dryer when I’m not at home or while we’re sleeping, making sure our fire and carbon monoxide detectors are working properly, and ignoring the fact that my text alert has beeped 6 times in 2 minutes while I’m driving. You don’t have to live in fear, but a little caution goes a long way.
Thankfully, within 48 hours, he was nearly his old little self. Here’s a picture of Clark (the one with Perry the Platypus) and Sara’s little boy Tyler two nights after it happened.
and all the OBB kiddos (minus Baby Will)…
As for us, we’re doing fine. Clark had a little freak-out the night he was discharged from the hospital, but he seems to be handling it really well. Generally, I’m good, although I’ve been busy. Sometimes in a quiet moment, those scary images and “what if” thoughts creep into my head, and sometimes they completely blindside me when I’m out and about and they kind of take my breath away. I’m just so very grateful to all the people who happened to be there that night–Eric (Sara’s husband), Greg (the awesome teenager), Nate (who helped Eric), Sara (who kept me from completely and totally losing it and who drove me to and from the hospital a few times in the middle of the night), the nice ladies who held Will, the paramedics, ER staff, and Jen the ICU nurse who Clark is completely enamored with.
For those of you little detectives that figured out what happened after I posted last week and have sent such sweet comments, emails, thoughts, and prayers, I appreciate them so much. Thank you guys from the bottom of my heart for being such fabulous, supportive blog readers.Thank you for sticking with me through such a heavy blog post! I hope sharing our experiences will help keep your families and loved ones safe!
Questions & Reviews
Kate first of all I would like to tell you thank you! I read this article when you first posted it and read the attached part about what drowning looks like. Well 2 days ago we almost lost our son to drowning. He was a couple arms length away and the water wasn’t very deep. But somehow that article clicked into my head and I knew he was in trouble, he was blue and we had to do cpr. But he is home and safe and healthy. My heart still hurts but I want you to know that I know this was hard to write about, it’s hard for me now but it helped me save my son! Thank you so much!
Wow! This brought back some awful memories for me! One of my twins had a near drowning experience as well. He was almost 3 at the time and now a healthy, happy, fully recovered 9 year old boy. We were all getting out of the pool when he slipped back in without me noticing and luckily my teen son saw him but because the pool was a gradual entry he too, slipped right under the water gulping in water in order to take a breath! He was never unconscious but he was unable to make a sound and desparately trying to get a breath when he was pulled out…..scarey scarey! I will never forget! We got him breathing and called 911 and he was life flighted to Primary Children’s medical center where he also spend the night in PICU and the next 3 days! He recovered very quickly and completely. No pneumonia or anything. It is absolutely horrifying being a mother right at the pool in a circumstance like this. Truly you never think anything like this is going to happen and you think you are quite aware of everything that is happening! So scarey to see how quickly something can happen. So glad to hear your outcome was a good one! My little guy wanted to go swimming on the way home from the hospital……..YIKES! It was ME who had to get comfortable with the pool again. ;o) We all love to swim once again!
Oh my goodness, Kate! Thank you for sharing your story! I told myself that my husband and I would take a CPR class before the summer and here it is August and we still have not signed up for one yet! Now after reading this account of what happened to your son, I am promising myself that we will take that class before the end of the month. Thank you for taking the time to write this! Bless you and your whole family!
So I know I’m like two years too late, but I’ve just found your wonderful blog while browsing and I really wanted to send a message of support & care.
It happens. It’s awful. It’s horrifying. You feel guilty and sad and like it’s your fault. Nothing makes you feel better except that he’s alive, and he’s whole. But you still obsess over how you could have prevented it.
But it happens. It happened to my brother. He stepped off the edge of the hot tub and into water he couldn’t stand in. My dad happened to see his hat floating on the surface. It was a near miss.
It’s a terrible, horrific experience that made everyone question if they’re doing the right thing, and what could be done better.
Your tips above are great, and exactly what I would use on my own kids.
The point that I guess I want to make is this – you can plan for every eventuality, but you are not wonder woman and you cannot plan for everything. Instead you must set safeguards in place to bolster your own vigilance. Safeguards like ensuring a lifeguard is present when your kids swim, or that you have friends and family helping to keep an eye on your children. These things aren’t an alternative, they’re a safety net… just in case you, with everything on your plate, slip, these guardrails can catch you.
That’s just my two cents, I think you’ve already handled and learned from this in an amazing fashion which I will take my own lessons from. Thank you so much for sharing and being so honest. I love the blog 🙂
Hi Kate,
You are very brave and wonderful to share and educate us. Thank you for reminding us safety first always.
I have a 3 yr and 5 yr old. We have a vacation planned with a large family group and there is an indoor pool in the house we are renting. Completely, not my choice. I am very very nervous and uncomfortable about the pool. There is an alarm on the pool door and lock, however I don’t know if you can hear the alarm from across the house. Do you have any additional safety suggestions. I don’t want to be the only group not participating in the trip, but I am very concerned about the safety issue of the pool. Thank you.
Thank goodness your little boy is ok. Living in Arizona we have too many drowning’s each year to even think about. I’m so happy that your story ended on a positive note since it could have been so much worse.
I am so glad that that boy listened to the spirit and decided to go swimming, he is a true hero. So glad that your son is ok.
Wow–that is so scary and I can’t believe how fast things can happen. I have to admit we just spent our first year in our house with a pool and I totally let the kids swim without me being out there by the end of the summer. It just got to be “such a waste of time” to just sit by the pool all summer. I didn’t have the attention span! So I would let them swim while I was in the kitchen “keeping an eye on them.” Really makes me re-think my methods for next summer! Thanks for sharing!
What a frightening experience! I am so glad to hear that your son is okay. Thank you for sharing this and for the reminder to be cautious and alert at all times….which isn’t always easy.
I am so happy to hear that your son is ok. It brought back a memory of my oldest at a family swimming pool she was trying to swim but just kept missing the edge of the pool and float devices. She was int he deep in. I was watching her. I didn’t feel the panic but another mother did and grabed her out of the pool to saftey. I’m not sure why I didn’t feel the panic before or after. I don’t think I will ever know why I didn’t except I could see her head above the water and she had been trained with swimming lesson. But the next week She was put into full swimming lesson for the next 4 years. Now she is a great swimmer. So god bless a angels who have been watching over us.
I missed this post-I don’t know how! Reading this made my stomach turn because it could happen to anyone! I have 7 and 4 year old boys and my 7 year old is so over-confident in the water…it’s terrifying. This summer I was in my third trimester with number three and there were several times at the public pool that I was ‘right there’ but it just takes a second and that gulp of water…I’m so sorry you had to go through this! So terrifying and I’m so happy it all ended okay. Thanks for sharing.
Soooo…..I appreciate everything you have posted. I am a swim instructor and I tell parents these things all the time. We rescued a 5yr. old from our pool in May of 2011 and we were able to revive him. All parents should supervise their children in and around water vigilantly! Swim lessons is a must and should be continued until the child is a GOOD swimmer……not like a 5yr. old who can swim across the pool. They need to be able to tread water, know what to do if they get over their head, be able to “right” themselves if they are in a weird position and know what to do if they see someone else in trouble. After our rescue….other kids told me that they had see him on the bottom of the pool! They need to be able to recognize when another person is in distress. I am glad that your story had a happy ending. Thanks for sharing it.
I just watched the news segment. I want to hug that Greg Peterson. And your little Clark as well. So glad that you’re all okay. Thank you for sharing your story and reminding us all that we need to be diligent around water.
I am sorry this happened to you and your family. It was brave of you to post this. Thanks so much for the reminder to be vigilant and to learn CPR. I need a refresher too! Thanks too for all of the wonderful food and family inspiration.
Thank you so much for sharing your story. I know it must have been hard to hit “publish” but making it personal is the best way to have an impact.
I was pregnant and watching from the shore when my oldest son – about age 8, and who swam very well, dove into a lake from a floating “island” about 50 feet from shore and never came up that I saw. It was a company picnic, and dozens of people dove, time and again, looking for him. Little did any of us know, he swam underwater all the way to an area behind a large sand dune, then hid there, out of everyone’s sight. I’ve never been so terrified, or so relieved to find him after his “big tease, Mom!” I know the terror you felt, and my heart goes out to you. I’m so glad both our experiences have a happy ending, Kate! (((Hugs!)))
Thank you for sharing this story! I am a PICU nurse in Knoxville Tennessee, and I really appreciate your willingness to share and spread awareness! Thank you!
I am so sorry to hear what happened to your family! So happy everything turned out well. I shared the article on drowning with my family as my parents just put a pool in. Thank you for sharing it! I also understand the guilt and blame we place on ourselves. My baby received third degree burns from touching the glass on a gas fireplace at my sisters home. I had no idea it was on but she crawled to it shortly after we got there. The shoulda, woulda, coulda’s were constant after ours. Time eases the pain and guilt we feel though! Accidents do happen, even to the most vigilant!
Thank you so much for having the courage to share. I will pass this on and know that many will be more aware and safe, because of you.
This summer while on family vacation my 2yr old niece climbed a gate into the pool area during dinner. Thank God all of us ate outside as she fell into the pool. Another niece was closest and jump in first and pulled her out. Two uncles jumped off a padio roof to get to her. 13 adults were there it still happened. She was completely fine. Your a wonderful Mom.
The same thing happened to my best friend’s daughter. It was terrifying. Ever since then we have a “designated watcher.” We rotate one parent about every 20 minutes. They sit and watch the water, no one can talk to them, ask them for something etc. Sometimes they even have a whistle. We wouldn’t have started that if her daughter hadn’t almost drown. It helps us all feel better about the water, in AZ there are LOTS of swimming pools and lots of little kids. So thankful the teenager was right where he was needed to be when he needed to be there.