This is the first in a series of posts about water safety. To read the post I wrote 1 1/2 years after the accident, click here. To learn more about water safety, check out this post.
I’ve literally spent the last few days agonizing about whether or not I should write this post for a number of reasons. I don’t want to make things weird between us. I feel like I’ve told this story over and over again and it feels weird to tell it again. I feel like I’m opening up a huge facet of my private life by sharing this story. I want to share information but not sound like an encyclopedia, and I want to make things personal but not have it sound like a bad Lifetime movie. So bear with me here.
I’ve gotta warn you guys that I can totally see how this can be a hard story to read, and that it might get under your skin. And I totally understand if you want to stop reading. But. I think what I have to share is important. I promise, because it’s something so intensely personal, I wouldn’t be sharing it if I didn’t think that it was important. I feel like if what I have to say can prevent even one accident like we had, it will be worth it.
I also ask that if you have something potentially unkind to say, to think really, really hard before you post it (and I subsequently delete it–just warning you now). I promise, there is nothing you can say to a parent in this situation that they haven’t already said to themselves.
Ready? Whew.
So as you guys know, Sara and I have been traveling a lot lately (and we just came back from our last trip! Woo-hoo!) We generally try to leave as late in the week as possible and come back on Sunday so we can be away from our families as little as possible, but it still takes its toll on everyone.
Last weekend, our event was in Salt Lake City and Sara had been planning on bringing her whole family. Through a series of kind of crazy and unusual circumstances (unexpected days off school, obscenely cheap airfare, unused frequent flier miles, a trip my dad and husband planned on taking together), we decided to bring our whole family as well. Sara’s and my kids completely adore each other and it was a chance for all of us to hang out for a few extra days and take a little mini vacation.
The night we got in, I was getting the kids ready for bed when Sara invited us to go swimming with them. I hadn’t brought my swimsuit and I didn’t really want to bring the baby in the water, but our kids were dying to see each other and hey, we were on a vacation. My kids have had a few summers’ worth of swimming lessons and can swim the length of the pool, so I wasn’t worried about playing around in the shallow end.
Here’s the thing. When it comes to water, bad things can happen quickly, and, unlike you see in TV and movies, those things are quiet. Here’s a fabulous article that talks about what drowning actually looks like and it’s something everyone should read and pass around to anyone who spends any time around water.
In our case, my oldest son was bouncing in an area where he could easily reach. And he did what anyone who’s spent a reasonable amount of time in a swimming pool has done–he landed where the pool started to slope. And it caught him off guard, and all it took was a gulp of water instead of air.
One of the reasons why I wanted to post this sooner rather than later was because KSL News in Salt Lake City did a story (you can read the whole thing here)Â on the teenage boy who pulled my son out of the water and I wanted to include it before the story and video are unavailable, largely because it spares me from personally having to share the harder details.
We’re not exactly sure how long he was underwater, but by piecing all the stories together and the fact that we were right there, it could have been anywhere from 1-3 minutes, but however long it was long enough to stop his heart and turn his skin blue. We really, truly could have lost him (and I thought we had).
After Greg pulled Clark out of the water, Sara’s husband gave him CPR and was able to revive him. He was rushed in an ambulance to Primary Children’s Medical Center where he spent a few hours in the ER and then was admitted to the PICU because he was having a hard time staying awake and his breathing was labored. Aside from the fact that hearing “ICU” is totally terrifying, it was really awful because I couldn’t stay with him (my husband did) because I had a nursing baby who wasnt allowed and there was no way for anyone else to feed him.
So I headed back to an empty hotel room quite literally in the middle of the night. And to say it sucked is the understatement of the century.
The next morning, he was much better and I was able to leave the baby with my husband and spend the morning with Clark in the ICU. They kept him long enough to get out of the danger zone and he left the hospital the day after the accident super tired with a cough, no appetite, and some antibiotics, but was otherwise completely fine (read: no brain damage).
In terms of facts and figures, I strongly encourage everyone to read the article I talked about earlier (and here it is again so you don’t have to go hunting for it). But I want to share, as a mom, some things to think about.
Kids aren’t as mature as we think they are. I think it’s easy to forget that bigger kids (like in the 6-10 range) are still pretty little kids, especially when you have younger kids in the mix. You’re used to relying on them to be mature and responsible, but in reality, they’re not as mature and responsible as we sometimes give them credit for. Additionally, Clark is my super-cautious rule-following kid; if I had to peg someone for a serious accident, it would have been my daughter.
Swim lessons (or floaties, or noodles, or life vests, or anything inflatable, or the presence of a lifeguard) are not a substitute for close supervision. I was there, keeping an eye on things, checking the pool, but I had a baby in my arms and friends I hadn’t seen in a long time and it had been a long day. Things literally happen in seconds and in the time it takes to run to the bathroom, have a serious phone conversation, deal with a fussy baby, listen to a child’s story, watch another kid jump off a diving board, or answer a text, it could be too late.
Supervision is not a substitute for excellent swimming skills. Like I said earlier, my kids have taken swimming lessons and Clark especially is a good little swimmer, but I think sometimes we forget that they don’t have the life experience necessary to not freak out if something catches them off guard. We’ve talked about the accident with him and told him he doesn’t need to get back in the pool tomorrow, or next week, or next month, but he does eventually need to continue with swim lessons and feeling comfortable in the pool.
Everyone should learn CPR. I don’t know what we would have done if Sara’s husband hadn’t been there that night. If I was hiring a babysitter and one of them was CPR-certified and the other one wasn’t, I’d most likely hire the CPR-certified babysitter, and yet I’ve been a mom for nearly 8 years and I haven’t had more than a brief overview of CPR a time or two as a teenager. I’m signing up for a CPR certification course ASAP so I never find myself in a situation where I couldn’t help someone who needed CPR. You can register for Red Cross classes here and even in my tiny community, there are a gazillion options available.
Don’t swim when you’re tired. My kids had been up late the night before in anticipation for our trip, then we’d been flying all day. It was an hour later for them than what the clock said and they were up way past their bedtime. Bad idea.
Don’t swim alone. That’s more for adults and teenagers, but even good, experienced swimmers can underestimate how close they are to a pool wall and hit their head or experience any number of other little accidents that normally wouldn’t be a big deal, but when you’re dealing with water, they become a big deal.
We all think it’s not going to happen to us. It’s so hard to strike a balance between being neurotic and thinking things aren’t going to happen to us; neither one is a good thing. Car accidents happen to bad drivers and water accidents happen to neglectful parents. Except that they don’t…they can happen to anyone. This accident has been a wake-up call for safety in all areas of my life, not to a point where I’m crazy, but it’s just reminded me that there are easy things I can do to make things safer: Water safety, locking doors, unplugging appliances, using car seats and boosters properly, not running the dryer when I’m not at home or while we’re sleeping, making sure our fire and carbon monoxide detectors are working properly, and ignoring the fact that my text alert has beeped 6 times in 2 minutes while I’m driving. You don’t have to live in fear, but a little caution goes a long way.
Thankfully, within 48 hours, he was nearly his old little self. Here’s a picture of Clark (the one with Perry the Platypus) and Sara’s little boy Tyler two nights after it happened.
and all the OBB kiddos (minus Baby Will)…
As for us, we’re doing fine. Clark had a little freak-out the night he was discharged from the hospital, but he seems to be handling it really well. Generally, I’m good, although I’ve been busy. Sometimes in a quiet moment, those scary images and “what if” thoughts creep into my head, and sometimes they completely blindside me when I’m out and about and they kind of take my breath away. I’m just so very grateful to all the people who happened to be there that night–Eric (Sara’s husband), Greg (the awesome teenager), Nate (who helped Eric), Sara (who kept me from completely and totally losing it and who drove me to and from the hospital a few times in the middle of the night), the nice ladies who held Will, the paramedics, ER staff, and Jen the ICU nurse who Clark is completely enamored with.
For those of you little detectives that figured out what happened after I posted last week and have sent such sweet comments, emails, thoughts, and prayers, I appreciate them so much. Thank you guys from the bottom of my heart for being such fabulous, supportive blog readers.Thank you for sticking with me through such a heavy blog post! I hope sharing our experiences will help keep your families and loved ones safe!
Questions & Reviews
I just really wanted to send you my love and support! I have been through my own so fast moment with a horrible ending. I lost my son 4 1/2 years ago. Im so happy for you and yours that it didnt end in a similar way. Michelle
The same thing happened to my little brother when he was 4 and I was 7, only it was me who had to jump in and save him. It only took <1 minute for him to slip into the deep end while my mom and I were taking off our shoes and jackets to get in. I'm not sure who would ever post a mean comment about a child drowning, but this is just one of those things in life that happen whether you plan meticulously or not. I'm really glad your son is alright! -Beth
I almost didnt reply as you’ve had so many replies already and you know we love and cre about you, and no one thinks you are a bad mumma! My sister whent thru something very similar just had a new baby- had a 14 month old, and our mm had just passed away. I am sooo thankful her little girl was alright, I can not imagine her losing her daughter and her mum in the same week. Thank GOODNESS our dad new CPR!
But, wanted to share that just today, I was cooking up some turkey bacon, just to have as a lean protien in the fridge. After, I headed outside to prune the apple trees. An hour or so later, I popped back in the house to rab something and the place was FILLED with smoke. I guess, I hadnt actually turned the burner off and I’d left the pan with some bacon on it. Now it was charcol. I can not imagine what would have happend if I had spent another hour outside. But, the shocking and disturbing part to me was even though my entire house was filled with smoke (infact, we could smell it outside, and thought the neighbor was burning dinner – (not unusual) every bedroom, the living and diningrooms, all a smokey fog, NONE of our smoke detectors was sounding. Once I started opening doors and trying to get some air moving, the smoke detectors kicked in! It just re-inforced for me how QUICKLY disaster can happen. to anyone, any time. we think we have things covered- I was right there, my husband was even closer, putting up christmas lights, and neither of us saw anything, heard anything and when we did smell something, we thought it wasnt us!
Praying for you all, and all of you who have posted a heart breaking comment.
Thank you for sharing your story. My heart aches for what you and your family has gone through. I had an experience bathing my daughters that still makes me sick when I think about it. I had my two little girls in the bathtub, and my older one asked if I would floss her teeth. This is not something she had ever asked to have done in the tub before, but I didn’t see anything wrong with it. I leaned over my 18 month old to floss her teeth. I got done and looked under my arms where she had been sitting and she was laying vertical under the water with her mouth open, with glassy eyes like what was mentioned in the article you had the link for. I yanked her out of the tub and she didn’t breath right away and it was honestly the worst moment of my life. I thought she was dead! It really is silent, I was right above her and didn’t hear a a thing. I still can’t believe it happened. I hadn’t left the room to change the laundry, or answer the phone. I was right there, right above her, and it happened to me. I pray that you can have peace in your heart, and know thay you are a good mom!
Thank you for sharing. It is a reminder to all that water is dangerous. I don’t talk on the phone when bathing my 9 month old. I keep my eyes on her. So glad your son is okay. Accidents are just that, accidents you did nothing wrong.
Kate I am so glad you shared and thankful that Clark is ok. I am a mom of a 4 and 5 year old and we had a close call with my daughter right before swim lessons. She is my fearless one which scares me to death. After that moment I decided that unless there is another adult with me I can not in good conscience take my kiddos swimming. My rule after much thought is never be more than an arms length away. I have plenty of friends that think I am crazy and paranoid but after knowing that feeling I much rather be paranoid than regretful. I will pray for healing for Clark and the rest of the family. Thank you for sharing such a personal experience we can never be remind too often just how quickly something can happen.
What a horrible thing to happen. It takes a lot of courage to talk so publicly about such a private ordeal in order to help prevent others from going through the same thing. How lucky your children are to have such a compassionate mother. I’m very happy for you and your family that things turned out as well as they did.
Every parent on this planet has had moments of distraction. Many of us are just lucky that this or something worse hasn’t happened. My son sustained a serious head injury after falling out of his toddler swing while another parent was watching him. You are so brave to tell us your story. It is so admirable. You are an exceptional writer, and mature beyond your years. May God bless you and your family. Have you asked your son if he remembers anything? Some people are able to recall and verbalize a near-death experience. This can often be a very faith-inspiring memory.
WOW! Such a scary situation. I’m so glad that high schooler followed the Spirit and went to the pool. I’m so glad that Clark is ok!
I just want to thank you so much for sharing this story. I will take it to heart because with a busy 6 and 3 year old, it is so easy to not be as careful as we know how to be. Thank you! Good will come from you sharing this and God bless you and your darling family.
It is so scary. Reading your story really gave me goosebumps. I am so happy to hear that he is ok! I almost drowned as a child in the ocean and was rescued by group of collage students, they told us that they thought that I was playing at first.
I am so glad that you shared the story with us, we all need a reminder to keep a close eye on our loved ones. 🙂
My heart hurts from hearing your story and the trauma your family has endured. I’m so so glad Clark made it. A family friend has a similar experience only, her son didn’t make it. It makes you really think hard about how fragile life is and how quickly it can be gone.
I really appreciate you sharing such a personal story. It can be hard to share stories like that with complete strangers. My heart, thoughts and prayers go out to you and hope that the scary “what if’s” don’t last long.
I would hope no one would leave a negative comment on that. Anyone who has more than one child knows how quickly and easily something can happen even if you are paying attention. You can’t watch them every second of the day. I was in nervous breakdown mode the entire summer because I have a 7 year old who can swim very well, a 4 year old who can’t swim and an 18 month old who has no fear. My attention was always on the little ones because I was more worried about them but it’s so easy for something to happen to your older ones too. I appreciate your post because it helps remind all of us that it can really happen to anyone and often to the one you didn’t expect! My heart goes out to you and I pray you will be able to have peace after experiencing something like that. (Your son will probably get over this quicker than you will!)
I had a similar experience with my son. I was watching him and his sister swim. They had lessons. I was watching them with out a baby and was fully alert without all the other stuff going on and it still happened. It was so fast and unexpected that I didn’t know what had hit me. Thank you for sharing. You really might save someone’s life just by bringing more awareness to all of us.
When you said “hard to read” you weren’t kidding! (i’m still crying!) I have a one year old son a we have recently added both a boat and a pool to our family. Your story and the article were both eye openers! I just sent the article to every one of my family members.
Thank you for sharing such a difficult experience. I’m so glad that Clark is ok!!!!
p.s. i’m looking up refresher CPR courses right now as well 🙂
Thank you for sharing — always a great reminder for all of us. Thank the Lord your story ended the way it did 🙂
Even under the best of circumstances things can go drastically wrong. I am so thankful that your little one is alive and well…and thank you for being so willing to share such a personal story with us all. It is a good reminder that we all need to be reminded of…so thank you for that.
I have tears streaming down my face. Thank you for sharing this. If it helps just one person avoid a tragedy, it’s worth it. No one could possibly think that this happened because you were irresponsible unless they’re delusional or kidding themselves. No one can watch their child all the time. No one. And if you really did manage to hover constantly, you’d drive them nuts! Not to mention that a kid playing in the water and a child drowning can look so frighteningly similar.
I am so thankful that everything turned out well in the end. It saddens me that you were so worried about posting this. Some people just seem to take the anonymity of the internet as an excuse to be unbearably rude. I’m going to go hug my kids tight right now.
You are so right, it can happen to anybody. I hear guilt in your post and nobody is to blame. Accidents happen. I’m so glad your “baby” is OK. Remember to breathe!
Oh I am so sorry this happened! I can’t imagine how scary that was. Thank God that young man was nearby. I am glad that your son is doing well!! I hope you are too, I know as a mom it sometimes takes us a lot longer to get over our kiddos being hurt than it does the kiddos.
I too saw the story. And I am grateful things turned out so well for your family.
And thank you for sharing your prevention ideas. Because an ounce of prevention could mean someone is alive.
My family suffered through a tragic accident almost 8 months ago. And because of it I am much more aware of how much people don’t pay attention when they drive, especially to pedestrians who have the right of way in a crosswalk. It was an accident, and nothing will bring my brother back. But if I can prevent another family from having to go through all the pain my family has gone through it would be worth it. Not to mention the driver of the vehicle who hit my brother.
The thing I have learned is to enjoy every day. Be sure to tell those you love how much you love them. Because you truly don’t know when you may never have the chance.
Praise God that he’s alright! I’ve had my own scares (and nightmares) about my kids drowning, but nothing like your family experienced. Thank you for having the courage to share and provide a cautionary tale for all of us.
I know this is just one more comment on the hundreds, but thank you so much for sharing. I am so so so glad that it didn’t end tragically. This made me bawl. How terrifying.
Kate, my heart goes out to you and your family. This is a scarey situation and I am so glad your little guy is okay. I also wanted to say how proud I am that you are being pro-active and taking CPR classes.
Kate, thank you so much for sharing this and for the reminders. How very scary~we had a close pool incidents, and it does happen SO FAST. Big hugs to you~so grateful all is well. You know you girls are my favorite. xo
Literally teared up when I read this. My husband was concerned and wanted to make sure I was okay, I told him about my “Mormon mom” (that’s what I call you ladies) and how I know it’s insane I feel like we are friends- but truly, I am so happy to hear that everything is okay!
Kate,
I was so sorry to read about the frightening weekend experience you had with your son. I had just made the garlic parmesan frozen rolls recipe and loved it so much I had come to the site to share it with a number of friends. I was horrified to read what you went through and can only imagine the terror you expereience. I hope your everyone in your family is doing okay. My best to you and your families.
Wow, I appreciate you sharing this story and I’m glad I had the chance to read it. i don’t usually comment on anything, but I feel like I should share a similar experience. When I was about six years old my older sister was babysitting my siblings and I, she was giving my younger brother a bath when the phone rang. She took him out of the bath onto a chair next to the tub and left to answer the phone. While she was on the phone my older brother (7 years old) went into the bathroom and found my younger brother face down in the tub. He pulled him out and pressed on his stomach, and water flowed out. Well, I just want you to know that you are not alone, my brother was in the hospital for a lot longer than your son. But he is alive and now 6’4″ and healthy!
So sorry for the scare your family had – but so glad it has a happy ending.
This post brought tears to my eyes. I am always so paranoid with kids in water, especially since I can’t swim myself, and its such a big fear of mine. I am so happy to hear your little, precious boy is doing fine. May God continue to bless you and your family.