This is the first in a series of posts about water safety. To read the post I wrote 1 1/2 years after the accident, click here. To learn more about water safety, check out this post.
I’ve literally spent the last few days agonizing about whether or not I should write this post for a number of reasons. I don’t want to make things weird between us. I feel like I’ve told this story over and over again and it feels weird to tell it again. I feel like I’m opening up a huge facet of my private life by sharing this story. I want to share information but not sound like an encyclopedia, and I want to make things personal but not have it sound like a bad Lifetime movie. So bear with me here.
I’ve gotta warn you guys that I can totally see how this can be a hard story to read, and that it might get under your skin. And I totally understand if you want to stop reading. But. I think what I have to share is important. I promise, because it’s something so intensely personal, I wouldn’t be sharing it if I didn’t think that it was important. I feel like if what I have to say can prevent even one accident like we had, it will be worth it.
I also ask that if you have something potentially unkind to say, to think really, really hard before you post it (and I subsequently delete it–just warning you now). I promise, there is nothing you can say to a parent in this situation that they haven’t already said to themselves.
Ready? Whew.
So as you guys know, Sara and I have been traveling a lot lately (and we just came back from our last trip! Woo-hoo!) We generally try to leave as late in the week as possible and come back on Sunday so we can be away from our families as little as possible, but it still takes its toll on everyone.
Last weekend, our event was in Salt Lake City and Sara had been planning on bringing her whole family. Through a series of kind of crazy and unusual circumstances (unexpected days off school, obscenely cheap airfare, unused frequent flier miles, a trip my dad and husband planned on taking together), we decided to bring our whole family as well. Sara’s and my kids completely adore each other and it was a chance for all of us to hang out for a few extra days and take a little mini vacation.
The night we got in, I was getting the kids ready for bed when Sara invited us to go swimming with them. I hadn’t brought my swimsuit and I didn’t really want to bring the baby in the water, but our kids were dying to see each other and hey, we were on a vacation. My kids have had a few summers’ worth of swimming lessons and can swim the length of the pool, so I wasn’t worried about playing around in the shallow end.
Here’s the thing. When it comes to water, bad things can happen quickly, and, unlike you see in TV and movies, those things are quiet. Here’s a fabulous article that talks about what drowning actually looks like and it’s something everyone should read and pass around to anyone who spends any time around water.
In our case, my oldest son was bouncing in an area where he could easily reach. And he did what anyone who’s spent a reasonable amount of time in a swimming pool has done–he landed where the pool started to slope. And it caught him off guard, and all it took was a gulp of water instead of air.
One of the reasons why I wanted to post this sooner rather than later was because KSL News in Salt Lake City did a story (you can read the whole thing here)Â on the teenage boy who pulled my son out of the water and I wanted to include it before the story and video are unavailable, largely because it spares me from personally having to share the harder details.
We’re not exactly sure how long he was underwater, but by piecing all the stories together and the fact that we were right there, it could have been anywhere from 1-3 minutes, but however long it was long enough to stop his heart and turn his skin blue. We really, truly could have lost him (and I thought we had).
After Greg pulled Clark out of the water, Sara’s husband gave him CPR and was able to revive him. He was rushed in an ambulance to Primary Children’s Medical Center where he spent a few hours in the ER and then was admitted to the PICU because he was having a hard time staying awake and his breathing was labored. Aside from the fact that hearing “ICU” is totally terrifying, it was really awful because I couldn’t stay with him (my husband did) because I had a nursing baby who wasnt allowed and there was no way for anyone else to feed him.
So I headed back to an empty hotel room quite literally in the middle of the night. And to say it sucked is the understatement of the century.
The next morning, he was much better and I was able to leave the baby with my husband and spend the morning with Clark in the ICU. They kept him long enough to get out of the danger zone and he left the hospital the day after the accident super tired with a cough, no appetite, and some antibiotics, but was otherwise completely fine (read: no brain damage).
In terms of facts and figures, I strongly encourage everyone to read the article I talked about earlier (and here it is again so you don’t have to go hunting for it). But I want to share, as a mom, some things to think about.
Kids aren’t as mature as we think they are. I think it’s easy to forget that bigger kids (like in the 6-10 range) are still pretty little kids, especially when you have younger kids in the mix. You’re used to relying on them to be mature and responsible, but in reality, they’re not as mature and responsible as we sometimes give them credit for. Additionally, Clark is my super-cautious rule-following kid; if I had to peg someone for a serious accident, it would have been my daughter.
Swim lessons (or floaties, or noodles, or life vests, or anything inflatable, or the presence of a lifeguard) are not a substitute for close supervision. I was there, keeping an eye on things, checking the pool, but I had a baby in my arms and friends I hadn’t seen in a long time and it had been a long day. Things literally happen in seconds and in the time it takes to run to the bathroom, have a serious phone conversation, deal with a fussy baby, listen to a child’s story, watch another kid jump off a diving board, or answer a text, it could be too late.
Supervision is not a substitute for excellent swimming skills. Like I said earlier, my kids have taken swimming lessons and Clark especially is a good little swimmer, but I think sometimes we forget that they don’t have the life experience necessary to not freak out if something catches them off guard. We’ve talked about the accident with him and told him he doesn’t need to get back in the pool tomorrow, or next week, or next month, but he does eventually need to continue with swim lessons and feeling comfortable in the pool.
Everyone should learn CPR. I don’t know what we would have done if Sara’s husband hadn’t been there that night. If I was hiring a babysitter and one of them was CPR-certified and the other one wasn’t, I’d most likely hire the CPR-certified babysitter, and yet I’ve been a mom for nearly 8 years and I haven’t had more than a brief overview of CPR a time or two as a teenager. I’m signing up for a CPR certification course ASAP so I never find myself in a situation where I couldn’t help someone who needed CPR. You can register for Red Cross classes here and even in my tiny community, there are a gazillion options available.
Don’t swim when you’re tired. My kids had been up late the night before in anticipation for our trip, then we’d been flying all day. It was an hour later for them than what the clock said and they were up way past their bedtime. Bad idea.
Don’t swim alone. That’s more for adults and teenagers, but even good, experienced swimmers can underestimate how close they are to a pool wall and hit their head or experience any number of other little accidents that normally wouldn’t be a big deal, but when you’re dealing with water, they become a big deal.
We all think it’s not going to happen to us. It’s so hard to strike a balance between being neurotic and thinking things aren’t going to happen to us; neither one is a good thing. Car accidents happen to bad drivers and water accidents happen to neglectful parents. Except that they don’t…they can happen to anyone. This accident has been a wake-up call for safety in all areas of my life, not to a point where I’m crazy, but it’s just reminded me that there are easy things I can do to make things safer: Water safety, locking doors, unplugging appliances, using car seats and boosters properly, not running the dryer when I’m not at home or while we’re sleeping, making sure our fire and carbon monoxide detectors are working properly, and ignoring the fact that my text alert has beeped 6 times in 2 minutes while I’m driving. You don’t have to live in fear, but a little caution goes a long way.
Thankfully, within 48 hours, he was nearly his old little self. Here’s a picture of Clark (the one with Perry the Platypus) and Sara’s little boy Tyler two nights after it happened.
and all the OBB kiddos (minus Baby Will)…
As for us, we’re doing fine. Clark had a little freak-out the night he was discharged from the hospital, but he seems to be handling it really well. Generally, I’m good, although I’ve been busy. Sometimes in a quiet moment, those scary images and “what if” thoughts creep into my head, and sometimes they completely blindside me when I’m out and about and they kind of take my breath away. I’m just so very grateful to all the people who happened to be there that night–Eric (Sara’s husband), Greg (the awesome teenager), Nate (who helped Eric), Sara (who kept me from completely and totally losing it and who drove me to and from the hospital a few times in the middle of the night), the nice ladies who held Will, the paramedics, ER staff, and Jen the ICU nurse who Clark is completely enamored with.
For those of you little detectives that figured out what happened after I posted last week and have sent such sweet comments, emails, thoughts, and prayers, I appreciate them so much. Thank you guys from the bottom of my heart for being such fabulous, supportive blog readers.Thank you for sticking with me through such a heavy blog post! I hope sharing our experiences will help keep your families and loved ones safe!
Questions & Reviews
Thank you thank you thank you. I think of a few of my kids as being good swimmers, but your story has made me realize that they might be excellent swimmers, but they are still kids. This past summer my youngest (age 4, not a swimmer), who is a very cautious kid who is pretty scared of the water, just jumped in a pool we were arriving at because the rest of the crowd was. In the hustle and bustle of arriving I wasn’t watching because I never would have expected him to do it. I turned back to the pool and saw him sputtering, reaching for the side. Lesson learned for this mama. I will keep a close eye on ALL them at the pool.
Thank God your son was okay, and thank God for the teenager and for Sarah’s husband knowing CPR. My daughter is five and is not yet a strong swimmer, and this really resonates with me. I am going to look into a CPR class.
Glad everything turned out okay. I can’t imagine a tragedy greater than losing a child.
Thoughts and prayers to you, your son and family. What a scary ordeal. Thank you for sharing…as difficult as I am sure it was for you to put words down on this…you most definitely have saved another life as a result.
What a scary thing to have happen and Greg sounds like a wonderful young man. So glad little Clark is doing well.
I think the fear factor of everyday things and small accidents is always in the back of every mother’s head and you are right, it could happen to anyone. I am glad that your story has a happy ending and you were surrounded by all the right people at the right time. Give Clark a squeeze from all of your readers! Thanks for sharing and linking to the article.
Sorry you had to go through that. The same thing happened to my sister two summers ago. They were a family of swimmers, all the kids were very experienced in the water. The dad turned his back for 2 seconds, turned back around and couldn’t find his son. They pulled him off the bottom of the pool, blue and not breathing. Thankfully his story ended as yours did, with no long term damage. I think it’s awesome that you told your story.
One more hint for you: don’t wait to take your kiddo back to the pool… the longer you wait the more afraid they are after an experience like this. My niece’s swim coach called the family and said he wanted to immediately give some private lessons to my nephew so that he wouldn’t develop any crazy fears that could impact him for a lifetime.
This took my breath away and filled my eyes with tears, I can only imagine how your heart must have just stopped. I’m so glad he is okay!!!
Holy smokes. Very hard to read, and so hoping the end would be good, which fortunately it was. On a lighter note, what a cute pack of kids! Glad they’re all safe and sound.
I’m so sorry you had to go through that. Glad everything is ok though. It’s crazy how fast scary things can happen. Thank goodness Heavenly Father was watching over your little boy.
And thank you for the link to the story. I never really thought about the fact that most drowning victims won’t look like the ones we see on tv. I also appreciate the CPR reminder. I was certified when I was in college…5 years ago…and I definitely don’t remember most of what I learned.
thank you so much for sharing your story! hopefully you’ve prevented many heartaches and future terrible accidents from happening by sharing. We as parents need reminders like this ALL OF THE TIME 🙂 It is MORE than appropriate to post!
Glad he is ok. Glad everyone was where they were supose to be……
It only takes one second for things to go in the other direction….
I am writing this with tears streaming down my face. It is obvious to anyone that reads your column that you are an excellent mother. Every single parent has had a moment when they were looking the other way and their child could or did suffer a freak mishap. It seems as though you are beating yourself up a bit about this and you absolutely should not. You and your family have suffered through a harrowing, gut wrenching experience but Clark went through that surrounded by people who love and care about him which is a priceless gift.
One of the best tips that I learned in my CPR course is that you pump the chest to the rhythm of the BeeGees song “Staying Alive”. I don’t know the words other than “staying alive, staying alive, uh uh uu uh, stayin’ alive!” but it’s a rhythm that gets stuck in your head and that you would easily remember in an emergency situation.
Dear, sweet Kate,
My heart goes out to you and your family. Thank heavens that your precious little one is okay, and thank you for sharing such a tragic story. It took a lot of guts to do that, especially when the situation is still so raw. Hug your little ones, tell your husband to hug you, and know that those of us in the ether who look forward to your posts each week are very grateful that you came through this horrific experience so successfully. God bless you!
Thank heavens he is ok. Great advice every mom should hear! My kids swim constantly and this really made me think.
Thank you for sharing such a painful experience. I am so thankful your son is all right. As I watched the news story, I heard a couple of times that some “unknown reason” kept that teen from the dance and at the pool – that reason was God Almighty. What a special plan He must have for Clark! Thanks again for sharing – I know I’ll give my sweeties an extra hug tonight after reading this.
What a Thanksgiving you’ll have this year! Praise God for His provision and watchcare over your family. I’m so glad everything turned out okay. How scary…it just makes my heart race. I know the feeling of being outnumbered by your children at the pool park etc…there’s absolutely no way to watch them all at once. My heart hurts to think you’d get a rude comment about this post. Thank you for sharing and the public service announcement and reminder for us all.
So glad that Clark is fine and also thankful that you posted this…it gives us all a chance to understand that water accidents are common. When my daughter was just a toddler, I was sitting right next to her dangling my legs in the water at the public baby pool. I was reading a book while she stood right next to me playing in the water. I looked up after each sentence to check on her. In once sentence she managed to slide under the water without one sound. She was laying on her back looking up. It was one of the most frightening moments of my life. She was under just seconds and came up coughing and crying, but I never did anything like that again. I would never have believed that something like that could happen, but it can happen even in a bathtub, I am sure of it.
Knowing that parents of infants and toddlers may be reading this I want to caution everyone to be very careful about camera and hearing aid batteries that can be picked up off the floor and swallowed. I have read about one near death because of a swallowed camera battery and want to get the word out.
I just want to add to your warning about button batteries. Here is a link to a story about a little boy who is lucky to be alive after swallowing one:
http://www.emmettsfight.com/
Oh, my goodness, how scary! That is SO good to know!
There’s nothing I can really add to what has been said, but I feel compelled to say that I wept for your near loss. Scary and frightening don’t even begin to cover what it must have been like for you. Accidents happen. You’re a good mom. I’m so glad he’s okay!
Kate, I am so glad to hear that your sweet boy is okay. Praise the Lord for quick action and miraculously placed people! Thank you for sharing your story. Anyone who criticizes you or blames you for this simply has no clue how fast water accidents can happen. As a swim lesson teacher and water safety instructor for 7 years, trust me, I know – and Clark’s accident was in no way your fault. And as far of the scary moments where you relive the “what ifs”, just remember that that is all they will ever be. Things went the way they did because that’s the way He planned it. You may not have been the one to pull him from the water or give him CPR, but you are his mom, and you will be the one that helps him heal and grow from this. Again, I am so sorry your son had to live thought this terrifying ordeal, but I am so relieved he is okay!!
!!! I am SO glad that story had a ‘happy ending’ and you didn’t lose your son. I also hope that you don’t allow yourself to wallow in guilt about what DID happen. You are absolutely right, it could happen to anybody. So don’t beat yourself up. And thanks for the warning – I know I’ll be more careful.
Wow, thanks for raising our awareness. Needs to happen regularly. I’m sorry for this heart-stopping moment(s) in your life, and so glad that cute boy is ok.
Big ((HUGS)) Momma. Thank you for sharing. I think all parents have had scary experiences and will understand and support you. Thank God all is well!
Thank you for sharing this difficult story. I often expect my older children to act a little more mature than I should, thanks for the wake up call and my CPR card expired way too many years ago, I need to get that up to date as well.
Thank you so much for posting that. I know it must have been difficult to write, let alone go through, but I appreciate you raising awareness to the issue. I babysit five kids through the summer, and you never know what could happen around a pool. The article was very helpful, so thanks again.
Thank you for sharing this, although I’m sure it was very, very difficult. Thank God your son is safe and the people that needed to be there were able to do what was necessary. I read the article concerning the signs of drowning, and found the information to be invaluable as my family spends a lot of time around water. Thank you for sharing your family’s story and potentially saving numerous lives in the process.
I am so sorry you had to endure such a scary situation! However, I’m so happy that all is well now. Thank you for the reminder of how important it is to know CPR and make sure that caregivers know CPR too. God bless your dear family!
Thank God your son is okay.
My heart goes out to you. And this isn’t your fault! Last year my 4yr old daughter went under the water AT swimming lessons, with the instructor AND a lifeguard just feet away! I was sitting about 10 feet away, separated by a section of the pool, and as a former lifeguard and swimming instructor I was watching her like a hawk, but it STILL happened! One of the scariest moments of my life! It happens in an instant. I’m so grateful you’re willing to share your story, because it is so important to get the word out that drowning is SILENT – you will not hear anything. A kid is fine one second, and then next, they are under the water – no sounds, no yells for help, no splashing. And every parent should know CPR if possible. This is a reminder for me that I need to get my CPR certification back up-to-date and need to drag my husband to class with me so he can get certified. I’m so glad that Clark is okay!
I live in Salt Lake City and I remember hearing about this when they first reported the story. I am so glad things worked out the way they did and so glad that your little one is okay.
OOPs! Sorry Kate! I meant to say “Thanks for sharing Kate!” Yeesh, it’s Monday!