This is the first in a series of posts about water safety. To read the post I wrote 1 1/2 years after the accident, click here. To learn more about water safety, check out this post.
I’ve literally spent the last few days agonizing about whether or not I should write this post for a number of reasons. I don’t want to make things weird between us. I feel like I’ve told this story over and over again and it feels weird to tell it again. I feel like I’m opening up a huge facet of my private life by sharing this story. I want to share information but not sound like an encyclopedia, and I want to make things personal but not have it sound like a bad Lifetime movie. So bear with me here.
I’ve gotta warn you guys that I can totally see how this can be a hard story to read, and that it might get under your skin. And I totally understand if you want to stop reading. But. I think what I have to share is important. I promise, because it’s something so intensely personal, I wouldn’t be sharing it if I didn’t think that it was important. I feel like if what I have to say can prevent even one accident like we had, it will be worth it.
I also ask that if you have something potentially unkind to say, to think really, really hard before you post it (and I subsequently delete it–just warning you now). I promise, there is nothing you can say to a parent in this situation that they haven’t already said to themselves.
Ready? Whew.
So as you guys know, Sara and I have been traveling a lot lately (and we just came back from our last trip! Woo-hoo!) We generally try to leave as late in the week as possible and come back on Sunday so we can be away from our families as little as possible, but it still takes its toll on everyone.
Last weekend, our event was in Salt Lake City and Sara had been planning on bringing her whole family. Through a series of kind of crazy and unusual circumstances (unexpected days off school, obscenely cheap airfare, unused frequent flier miles, a trip my dad and husband planned on taking together), we decided to bring our whole family as well. Sara’s and my kids completely adore each other and it was a chance for all of us to hang out for a few extra days and take a little mini vacation.
The night we got in, I was getting the kids ready for bed when Sara invited us to go swimming with them. I hadn’t brought my swimsuit and I didn’t really want to bring the baby in the water, but our kids were dying to see each other and hey, we were on a vacation. My kids have had a few summers’ worth of swimming lessons and can swim the length of the pool, so I wasn’t worried about playing around in the shallow end.
Here’s the thing. When it comes to water, bad things can happen quickly, and, unlike you see in TV and movies, those things are quiet. Here’s a fabulous article that talks about what drowning actually looks like and it’s something everyone should read and pass around to anyone who spends any time around water.
In our case, my oldest son was bouncing in an area where he could easily reach. And he did what anyone who’s spent a reasonable amount of time in a swimming pool has done–he landed where the pool started to slope. And it caught him off guard, and all it took was a gulp of water instead of air.
One of the reasons why I wanted to post this sooner rather than later was because KSL News in Salt Lake City did a story (you can read the whole thing here)Â on the teenage boy who pulled my son out of the water and I wanted to include it before the story and video are unavailable, largely because it spares me from personally having to share the harder details.
We’re not exactly sure how long he was underwater, but by piecing all the stories together and the fact that we were right there, it could have been anywhere from 1-3 minutes, but however long it was long enough to stop his heart and turn his skin blue. We really, truly could have lost him (and I thought we had).
After Greg pulled Clark out of the water, Sara’s husband gave him CPR and was able to revive him. He was rushed in an ambulance to Primary Children’s Medical Center where he spent a few hours in the ER and then was admitted to the PICU because he was having a hard time staying awake and his breathing was labored. Aside from the fact that hearing “ICU” is totally terrifying, it was really awful because I couldn’t stay with him (my husband did) because I had a nursing baby who wasnt allowed and there was no way for anyone else to feed him.
So I headed back to an empty hotel room quite literally in the middle of the night. And to say it sucked is the understatement of the century.
The next morning, he was much better and I was able to leave the baby with my husband and spend the morning with Clark in the ICU. They kept him long enough to get out of the danger zone and he left the hospital the day after the accident super tired with a cough, no appetite, and some antibiotics, but was otherwise completely fine (read: no brain damage).
In terms of facts and figures, I strongly encourage everyone to read the article I talked about earlier (and here it is again so you don’t have to go hunting for it). But I want to share, as a mom, some things to think about.
Kids aren’t as mature as we think they are. I think it’s easy to forget that bigger kids (like in the 6-10 range) are still pretty little kids, especially when you have younger kids in the mix. You’re used to relying on them to be mature and responsible, but in reality, they’re not as mature and responsible as we sometimes give them credit for. Additionally, Clark is my super-cautious rule-following kid; if I had to peg someone for a serious accident, it would have been my daughter.
Swim lessons (or floaties, or noodles, or life vests, or anything inflatable, or the presence of a lifeguard) are not a substitute for close supervision. I was there, keeping an eye on things, checking the pool, but I had a baby in my arms and friends I hadn’t seen in a long time and it had been a long day. Things literally happen in seconds and in the time it takes to run to the bathroom, have a serious phone conversation, deal with a fussy baby, listen to a child’s story, watch another kid jump off a diving board, or answer a text, it could be too late.
Supervision is not a substitute for excellent swimming skills. Like I said earlier, my kids have taken swimming lessons and Clark especially is a good little swimmer, but I think sometimes we forget that they don’t have the life experience necessary to not freak out if something catches them off guard. We’ve talked about the accident with him and told him he doesn’t need to get back in the pool tomorrow, or next week, or next month, but he does eventually need to continue with swim lessons and feeling comfortable in the pool.
Everyone should learn CPR. I don’t know what we would have done if Sara’s husband hadn’t been there that night. If I was hiring a babysitter and one of them was CPR-certified and the other one wasn’t, I’d most likely hire the CPR-certified babysitter, and yet I’ve been a mom for nearly 8 years and I haven’t had more than a brief overview of CPR a time or two as a teenager. I’m signing up for a CPR certification course ASAP so I never find myself in a situation where I couldn’t help someone who needed CPR. You can register for Red Cross classes here and even in my tiny community, there are a gazillion options available.
Don’t swim when you’re tired. My kids had been up late the night before in anticipation for our trip, then we’d been flying all day. It was an hour later for them than what the clock said and they were up way past their bedtime. Bad idea.
Don’t swim alone. That’s more for adults and teenagers, but even good, experienced swimmers can underestimate how close they are to a pool wall and hit their head or experience any number of other little accidents that normally wouldn’t be a big deal, but when you’re dealing with water, they become a big deal.
We all think it’s not going to happen to us. It’s so hard to strike a balance between being neurotic and thinking things aren’t going to happen to us; neither one is a good thing. Car accidents happen to bad drivers and water accidents happen to neglectful parents. Except that they don’t…they can happen to anyone. This accident has been a wake-up call for safety in all areas of my life, not to a point where I’m crazy, but it’s just reminded me that there are easy things I can do to make things safer: Water safety, locking doors, unplugging appliances, using car seats and boosters properly, not running the dryer when I’m not at home or while we’re sleeping, making sure our fire and carbon monoxide detectors are working properly, and ignoring the fact that my text alert has beeped 6 times in 2 minutes while I’m driving. You don’t have to live in fear, but a little caution goes a long way.
Thankfully, within 48 hours, he was nearly his old little self. Here’s a picture of Clark (the one with Perry the Platypus) and Sara’s little boy Tyler two nights after it happened.
and all the OBB kiddos (minus Baby Will)…
As for us, we’re doing fine. Clark had a little freak-out the night he was discharged from the hospital, but he seems to be handling it really well. Generally, I’m good, although I’ve been busy. Sometimes in a quiet moment, those scary images and “what if” thoughts creep into my head, and sometimes they completely blindside me when I’m out and about and they kind of take my breath away. I’m just so very grateful to all the people who happened to be there that night–Eric (Sara’s husband), Greg (the awesome teenager), Nate (who helped Eric), Sara (who kept me from completely and totally losing it and who drove me to and from the hospital a few times in the middle of the night), the nice ladies who held Will, the paramedics, ER staff, and Jen the ICU nurse who Clark is completely enamored with.
For those of you little detectives that figured out what happened after I posted last week and have sent such sweet comments, emails, thoughts, and prayers, I appreciate them so much. Thank you guys from the bottom of my heart for being such fabulous, supportive blog readers.Thank you for sticking with me through such a heavy blog post! I hope sharing our experiences will help keep your families and loved ones safe!
Questions & Reviews
Thanks for sharing. It helped my remember that my big kids aren’t that big yet. It made me think about things that I do that I need to change and things that I need to prepare for. I am so glad that it all worked out.
I always share this story when the subject of pools or drowning comes up:
As you said, drowning is very quiet and silent. There is no splashing and yelling of “help!!” like in the movies.
One summer we were at my friend’s pool, lounging on the steps while my 3 and 6 year old were quietly playing within arm’s reach. My sister and I were chatting happily when out of the corner of my eye I saw my 6 year old daughter move VERY rapidly toward her sister, who had quietly slipped off the stairs into water over her head. She had been under for maybe 5-10 seconds at the most, and luckily came up sputtering and crying. I felt horrible for being RIGHT THERE and yet still not noticing it was happening. Something I did notice was how quickly and quietly she slipped under (therefore none of us noticed but her older sister, who happened to look up and notice she was under). The other thing that struck me is I wonder how long would it have taken for us to notice (had the 6yr old not stepped in). After all, it was the rapid movement of my 6 year old that even caused me to look up.
So now I try to teach and tell people that drownings are the not the loud, splashing, gurgling events that we think they are; they are very quiet and still. Hugs to you and your family and thank you for sharing your story!
Thank you for having the courage to share. Your story is a wake up call for me as I’m trying to learn the balance of giving my oldest more independence and still making sure he is safe. What a blessing that your son is okay. I hope you can recover from the emotional pain soon. God bless you.
How many close calls have we avoided as mothers? This was a major one…and scary! I’m so glad for you everything turned out okay for Clark. I needed the reminder to brush up on my CPR skills. That had to be hard to post.
Thank God for your little one being ok! And the reminders. I’m glad you chose to share as a teaching moment for us parents. Thank you.
How completely and absolutely terrifying…. I can’t imagine a worse feeling as a mom. *hugs* to you and to Clark.
Thank you for sharing! I have thought of something like this happening to my kids. My oldest is 7, and my younger two are 2 and 2 years old. We live in St. George and have a community swimming pool. Because I’m so busy with my little ones I sometimes forget to watch my 7 year old. I appreciate you sharing your story even though it was personal and hard to help remind others to be careful. I’m so glad that your son is ok. Thanks again for sharing.
Thanks for having the courage to share this very personal story and that terrific article on drowning. Two of my children are lifeguards, and after reading that article, their stories of pulling children out of the water right in front of watchful parents make sense now; the parents really had no idea how much trouble their children were in. I am so glad to hear that everything turned out well. You were so fortunate to be near PCMC too; they are the best!
Wow! Thank you for sharing. What a great reminder for anyone watching children near a pool. What a blessing that he is okay and doing well. Thank goodness for Greg listening to the Spirit and going swimming that night.
WOW, so glad he is ok!! That is super scary. Thanks goodness for the kindness of strangers and your friend’s CPR knowledge! I agree that all moms need to be extra cautious around water with their kids. You just never know. So glad this story had a happy ending!! 🙂
This happened to me too. After my son’s (4) swimming lesson at a private home pool, the next lesson was beginning and he wanted to play in the jacuzzi connected to the pool for a couple of minutes. I didn’t realize he couldn’t touch. There were 2 swimming instructors in the pool and they didn’t notice it. He started to bob up and down a little bit. I thought he was just playing from where I was sitting. Luckily another mom noticed what was happening and ran over and saved him. So scary, and it is so so quiet.
Glad your babe is okay, thanks for sharing. Everyone should be CPR certified, so good for you for getting on that! I saw you two in Phoenix this weekend and I can’t tell you how grateful I am for what you shared. Thank you!
Kate, I’m so glad your story has a happy and healthy outcome! We had an ER visit this week and you are so right that it only takes a second for a child to find himself in a predicament. It’s easy to feel horrible about “letting” these accidents happen but if we sheltered our kids so much that they never got hurt then what kind of life would they live? It’s all a matter of using these moments as teachable moments for them and the rest of us. Clark is beautiful and God must have a great plan for his life!
thank you for being brave and sharing your story. So glad that things worked out the way they did and that Clark is safe. Definitely a good reminder for us all.
I just want to say thank you for reminding me to sign my lil ones up for swim lessons!! What you went through was terrifying…and I will be thinking of you and your family. I also think that your point about CPR/first aid classes is a great one. Also, take the refresher courses after you are certified…..it is amazing what changes and what we forget! Hugs to both your families 🙂
Oh, my goodness! I’m so glad he is ok. That is beyond scary! Thank you for sharing it. All parents need these reminders (myself included) and I’m just so relieved that your story has a happy ending.
So happy your little man is okay! Thanks for thinking of helping others while recovering from such a scary incident. Best wishes!
I follow you guys all the time, though I never comment. I had to comment on this post and say I’m so glad your son is OK, and thank you for sharing your story. Sometimes I don’t pay enough attention, sometimes I look away, and this could have happened to me too. I really hope you don’t get any horrible comments, people should use your story to remind them of what is important, not to tear people down.
What a scary experience. As my little one is getting older, I have fears about pools and drowning because she loves water so much. Thank you for the tips. I definitely feel like I should go get certified for CPR again. I think I’ve had enough experience that I could come through in an emergency, but I’d rather be prepared! I’m so glad your little boy is ok and that you didn’t have a tragedy on your hands. Lots of virtual hugs being sent to you and your family!
God works in mysterious ways. I know that you and your family experienced something very scary, but I am certain that you helped to prevent another child from drowning by the information provided on your website. I will pray for you and your family.
I’m so glad your little guy is okay! How scary for all of you! Sending good thoughts your way.
Thank you for sharing this important story. I am sure it was hard to share. I wish I could hug you over cyberspace! Saying a prayer of thanksgiving that your guy is okay. It is really easy to think of a little older kid who can swim as pretty mature. My husband and I were just talking about our neighborhood pool and getting a membership this summer. I was thinking about whether or not I could take all three or ours, letting the 7 year old swim on his own in the somewhat deeper area and having the smaller two in the baby area, while I still kept an eye on the 7 year old. You’ve made me reconsider and probably a lot of other people in similar situations too. Bless you!
God Bless You and your family. I am thankful that your little boy is okay and even more thankful that you decided to write this post. I know it couldn’t have been easy but think how many kids you will be able to save because the adults in their lives read your post and will now be extra cautious around water.
Thank you for sharing. As a mom of 5 busy children who are now grown and most are parents of their own busy children, things happen. My heart goes out to you for the experience that you’ve had. Hang in there, Kate! We moms all have our moments and I’m sorry that your moment was so public. As my own mother is fond of saying, “into each life, a little rain must fall”.
So scary! I’m glad he is doing okay now! I read the drowning article, thanks for sharing the information!
Kate, A similar incident happened to me. I took my 4 kids to a neighbors club house pool. I was nervous about my ability to watch all of my kids. My oldest wanted to be in the deep end and wanted me to watch his tricks the entire time. My daughter has seizures so she stayed in the kiddie pool. And I was busy keeping my eye on the others. My oldest wanted to me to watch him and in that moment, my daughter had a seizure in the kiddie pool. Several mothers were there watching her and unaware she was having a seizure and basically, she was drowning right in front of them! I turned and saw her and grabbed her out and luckily it was just in time. We were all so upset and left immediately. I wasn’t upset at these mothers since they had no idea my daughter had seizures, I was upset at myself for taking my eyes off of her even though it was just a short moment. Another example of how quickly things can happen and how people can be watching your child and not even know that they are drowning. I think I was shaking the rest of the day and vowed to never take all 4 kids with only me to supervise ever again! So thankful your story also had a happy ending. I love your cookbooks and so does my family! This incident happened many years ago and now that little girl who almost drowned is a senior in high school. I will never forget that day and neither will she.
Nobody has a right to post any comment that could be considered hurtful. I hope that doesn’t happen.
My oldest son developed Reye’s Syndrome just before he turned 8 and suffered severely brain trauma. For a while he was at a rehabilitation hospital trying to re-learn some basic skills like eating by mouth instead of a stomach tube. One night one of the CNA made a remark that wounded me to the depth of my soul. She said, “Any mother who loved their child would have him at home not here.” Well, you know what? Love alone does not do it all. Sometimes we lack the skills to do what must be done.
After we were able to bring Brent back home I was bathing him one night when I reached to my right for the bath towel hanging right there. In those mere seconds he slipped off the shower stool. He wasn’t hurt but I thought that I should be a better mother than to let him fall like that.
We should all be striving to do out best. But accidents happen. And we must forgive ourselves as the Savior freely forgives us. So even if the outcome hadn’t been has wonderful as it was for your family, you would still need to forgive yourself.
Bless you for sharing this story. We had shared and watched the video on silent drowning as an extended family. But having an “I know someone” experience now will make it a much better teaching tool.
Ultimately the blessings we are given are the ones that are best for us in the eternal scope of our lives. Brent never walked or talked again and ate by mouth in only the most primitive of ways. Fourteen years he developed cancer and was allowed to return to his Heavenly Home. But thorough all of this I recognized many blessings. Brent not being healed was not a sign that God did not love us. He just had a different path for us. And as we walk whatever path we are given with our eyes on the prize of eternal life, we are winning.
Best wishes to your family. We rejoice with you in your miracle.
I listened to you guys at TOFW and had no clue what you’d been through. Thanks for sharing this. I just posted that fabulous article on facebook hoping inform as many I can as you did. That will be helpful to many I’m sure, so though it was personal, it may just save lives.
If your boy is ok then that is what matters. Keep a stiff upper lip.
Hi Kate-
I’m a long time lurker and I generally don’t comment on the internet about anything unless it is from the relative safety of my own Facebook page. But after reading what you and your family went through, it almost brought me to tears. I am so grateful that your story had a happy ending and that you have decided to get CPR training. I worked as a lifeguard as a teen at a very busy waterpark and I have had my hero moments with young children and I cannot stress how much I agree with you on every point you have made in this article. I am so glad that Clark has made a great recovery. Thank you for sharing your story.