This is the first in a series of posts about water safety. To read the post I wrote 1 1/2 years after the accident, click here. To learn more about water safety, check out this post.
I’ve literally spent the last few days agonizing about whether or not I should write this post for a number of reasons. I don’t want to make things weird between us. I feel like I’ve told this story over and over again and it feels weird to tell it again. I feel like I’m opening up a huge facet of my private life by sharing this story. I want to share information but not sound like an encyclopedia, and I want to make things personal but not have it sound like a bad Lifetime movie. So bear with me here.
I’ve gotta warn you guys that I can totally see how this can be a hard story to read, and that it might get under your skin. And I totally understand if you want to stop reading. But. I think what I have to share is important. I promise, because it’s something so intensely personal, I wouldn’t be sharing it if I didn’t think that it was important. I feel like if what I have to say can prevent even one accident like we had, it will be worth it.
I also ask that if you have something potentially unkind to say, to think really, really hard before you post it (and I subsequently delete it–just warning you now). I promise, there is nothing you can say to a parent in this situation that they haven’t already said to themselves.
Ready? Whew.
So as you guys know, Sara and I have been traveling a lot lately (and we just came back from our last trip! Woo-hoo!) We generally try to leave as late in the week as possible and come back on Sunday so we can be away from our families as little as possible, but it still takes its toll on everyone.
Last weekend, our event was in Salt Lake City and Sara had been planning on bringing her whole family. Through a series of kind of crazy and unusual circumstances (unexpected days off school, obscenely cheap airfare, unused frequent flier miles, a trip my dad and husband planned on taking together), we decided to bring our whole family as well. Sara’s and my kids completely adore each other and it was a chance for all of us to hang out for a few extra days and take a little mini vacation.
The night we got in, I was getting the kids ready for bed when Sara invited us to go swimming with them. I hadn’t brought my swimsuit and I didn’t really want to bring the baby in the water, but our kids were dying to see each other and hey, we were on a vacation. My kids have had a few summers’ worth of swimming lessons and can swim the length of the pool, so I wasn’t worried about playing around in the shallow end.
Here’s the thing. When it comes to water, bad things can happen quickly, and, unlike you see in TV and movies, those things are quiet. Here’s a fabulous article that talks about what drowning actually looks like and it’s something everyone should read and pass around to anyone who spends any time around water.
In our case, my oldest son was bouncing in an area where he could easily reach. And he did what anyone who’s spent a reasonable amount of time in a swimming pool has done–he landed where the pool started to slope. And it caught him off guard, and all it took was a gulp of water instead of air.
One of the reasons why I wanted to post this sooner rather than later was because KSL News in Salt Lake City did a story (you can read the whole thing here)Â on the teenage boy who pulled my son out of the water and I wanted to include it before the story and video are unavailable, largely because it spares me from personally having to share the harder details.
We’re not exactly sure how long he was underwater, but by piecing all the stories together and the fact that we were right there, it could have been anywhere from 1-3 minutes, but however long it was long enough to stop his heart and turn his skin blue. We really, truly could have lost him (and I thought we had).
After Greg pulled Clark out of the water, Sara’s husband gave him CPR and was able to revive him. He was rushed in an ambulance to Primary Children’s Medical Center where he spent a few hours in the ER and then was admitted to the PICU because he was having a hard time staying awake and his breathing was labored. Aside from the fact that hearing “ICU” is totally terrifying, it was really awful because I couldn’t stay with him (my husband did) because I had a nursing baby who wasnt allowed and there was no way for anyone else to feed him.
So I headed back to an empty hotel room quite literally in the middle of the night. And to say it sucked is the understatement of the century.
The next morning, he was much better and I was able to leave the baby with my husband and spend the morning with Clark in the ICU. They kept him long enough to get out of the danger zone and he left the hospital the day after the accident super tired with a cough, no appetite, and some antibiotics, but was otherwise completely fine (read: no brain damage).
In terms of facts and figures, I strongly encourage everyone to read the article I talked about earlier (and here it is again so you don’t have to go hunting for it). But I want to share, as a mom, some things to think about.
Kids aren’t as mature as we think they are. I think it’s easy to forget that bigger kids (like in the 6-10 range) are still pretty little kids, especially when you have younger kids in the mix. You’re used to relying on them to be mature and responsible, but in reality, they’re not as mature and responsible as we sometimes give them credit for. Additionally, Clark is my super-cautious rule-following kid; if I had to peg someone for a serious accident, it would have been my daughter.
Swim lessons (or floaties, or noodles, or life vests, or anything inflatable, or the presence of a lifeguard) are not a substitute for close supervision. I was there, keeping an eye on things, checking the pool, but I had a baby in my arms and friends I hadn’t seen in a long time and it had been a long day. Things literally happen in seconds and in the time it takes to run to the bathroom, have a serious phone conversation, deal with a fussy baby, listen to a child’s story, watch another kid jump off a diving board, or answer a text, it could be too late.
Supervision is not a substitute for excellent swimming skills. Like I said earlier, my kids have taken swimming lessons and Clark especially is a good little swimmer, but I think sometimes we forget that they don’t have the life experience necessary to not freak out if something catches them off guard. We’ve talked about the accident with him and told him he doesn’t need to get back in the pool tomorrow, or next week, or next month, but he does eventually need to continue with swim lessons and feeling comfortable in the pool.
Everyone should learn CPR. I don’t know what we would have done if Sara’s husband hadn’t been there that night. If I was hiring a babysitter and one of them was CPR-certified and the other one wasn’t, I’d most likely hire the CPR-certified babysitter, and yet I’ve been a mom for nearly 8 years and I haven’t had more than a brief overview of CPR a time or two as a teenager. I’m signing up for a CPR certification course ASAP so I never find myself in a situation where I couldn’t help someone who needed CPR. You can register for Red Cross classes here and even in my tiny community, there are a gazillion options available.
Don’t swim when you’re tired. My kids had been up late the night before in anticipation for our trip, then we’d been flying all day. It was an hour later for them than what the clock said and they were up way past their bedtime. Bad idea.
Don’t swim alone. That’s more for adults and teenagers, but even good, experienced swimmers can underestimate how close they are to a pool wall and hit their head or experience any number of other little accidents that normally wouldn’t be a big deal, but when you’re dealing with water, they become a big deal.
We all think it’s not going to happen to us. It’s so hard to strike a balance between being neurotic and thinking things aren’t going to happen to us; neither one is a good thing. Car accidents happen to bad drivers and water accidents happen to neglectful parents. Except that they don’t…they can happen to anyone. This accident has been a wake-up call for safety in all areas of my life, not to a point where I’m crazy, but it’s just reminded me that there are easy things I can do to make things safer: Water safety, locking doors, unplugging appliances, using car seats and boosters properly, not running the dryer when I’m not at home or while we’re sleeping, making sure our fire and carbon monoxide detectors are working properly, and ignoring the fact that my text alert has beeped 6 times in 2 minutes while I’m driving. You don’t have to live in fear, but a little caution goes a long way.
Thankfully, within 48 hours, he was nearly his old little self. Here’s a picture of Clark (the one with Perry the Platypus) and Sara’s little boy Tyler two nights after it happened.
and all the OBB kiddos (minus Baby Will)…
As for us, we’re doing fine. Clark had a little freak-out the night he was discharged from the hospital, but he seems to be handling it really well. Generally, I’m good, although I’ve been busy. Sometimes in a quiet moment, those scary images and “what if” thoughts creep into my head, and sometimes they completely blindside me when I’m out and about and they kind of take my breath away. I’m just so very grateful to all the people who happened to be there that night–Eric (Sara’s husband), Greg (the awesome teenager), Nate (who helped Eric), Sara (who kept me from completely and totally losing it and who drove me to and from the hospital a few times in the middle of the night), the nice ladies who held Will, the paramedics, ER staff, and Jen the ICU nurse who Clark is completely enamored with.
For those of you little detectives that figured out what happened after I posted last week and have sent such sweet comments, emails, thoughts, and prayers, I appreciate them so much. Thank you guys from the bottom of my heart for being such fabulous, supportive blog readers.Thank you for sticking with me through such a heavy blog post! I hope sharing our experiences will help keep your families and loved ones safe!
Questions & Reviews
Thank God that your little guy is okay! *hugs to your family*
I lifeguarded at public pools through high school and college, and while I never had to perform CPR, I do remember a few truly terrifying incidents (and I was paid to watch the pool). It is shocking how quickly something can happen and how easy it is to miss it.
This definitely made me stop and think about ways I can keep myself and my little man safer everyday (the text thing seriously hit home).
Wow, I can relate SO much to this post. I almost lost my 7 week old baby two weeks ago. Not from drowning in water, but pretty much drowning in air freshener from the help of his 2 year old sister. He received chest compressions and oxygen in the ambulance as his heart rate dropped deathly low, and he stared death in the eye. He is now healthy as can be, but as the mother, I think I’m still recovering! Like you, I stay busy, so that sure has helped. But while he has recovered, it will take me much longer as I remember specific images from that night, and I can’t help but think of “what ifs”, and it sends me down a crying path! I entered my website in the website field of this comment, and you’re welcome to read about it. Glad things worked out for you! I truly believe in the power of prayer.
Huge hugs! That is so scary!!!
Poor you, Kate. At least what started as a potentially tragic story has a happy ending this time. Thank you for putting the word out and educating people.
We have a pool in our backyard and we are always super careful when friends bring their kids (we don’ t have any kids ourselves)
I’ve read that article before and I was really surprised to learn how quiet and peaceful a drowning actually is in real life.
Thank you for sharing your story and that article.
Oh my goodness, I am sooo sorry you had to go through this and I really think something like this could happen to anyone. I’m so happy everything turned out okay!
{HUGS!} I’m glad you shared and your sweet boy is okay <3
I teared up, too. Thank you for sharing such an intense experience. It will help me and many others who read it. I’m happy you’re all ok!
oh man, I have a knot in my stomach that feels like a rock after reading that so I can only imagine how you feel. As soon as I read the word “pool”, I almost burst into tears thinking that one of you might have lost a child. I’m so, so, SO glad that things turned out for the best. Hugs to all of you (and 3 for Clark!). Thanks for sharing the great information too.
Love you!
Thank you for sharing this. I amazing how quickly a life can be taken. Such a great reminder to us all.
So happy to hear he is ok! I wish more people realized that drowning is typically silent! It isn’t the splashing and screaming for help we see on tv. It’s someone slipping on the slope of the pool or my 3 year old slipping off the step with me sitting less than a foot from him. Silently they just go under! Luckily I snatched my son out in time but it was very eye opening and terrifying to think it would have only taken another 30 seconds and my story could have been much different.
Oh Kate, I’m so sorry. I teared up reading your story and am so glad the outcome was as good as it was.
Oh my goodness…. thanks for sharing this story. I’ve read so many like this before and each time it’s a big wake up call to be so careful around water. I have little people I supervise without getting in all the time. I think it’s time I put on my suit and jump in too. This could happen to any of us.
Thanks for the reminder. I am SO thankful he is OK. So very thankful.
Thank you for sharing this. I can’t even begin to imagine how hard just reliving the nightmare enough to share is.
I am truly sorry this happened to your family, but I am also glad Clark is okay, as are all the other children. Keeping your family in my thoughts.
I want you to know that I completely know what you and your family has gone through. 17 years ago my eldest son drown in his grandmother’s backyard swimming pool. Kyle would be 20 years old and at the time of his death my youngest was 6 month and he was 3. I am super thankful that you don’t know the pain of losing a child. The best thing you can do is stop playing the “What If” game and praise God that you still have Clark. The “What If” game does no good and you’re beating yourself up. I know that it is easier said than done. Accidents can happen so fast. You’re not God and can’t know everything, all you can do is learn from the experience and make corrections so something like this does not happen again. Give your little ones a hug and be thankful for their noise and messes. Treat yourself as you would treat a friend who this had happened to. Take a deep breath, hug your family and let the terror go. Keep the line of communication open with your husband. If you see him or think he’s beating himself up over this, remind him that neither of you are at fault, accidents happen and you both did the best you could do in this situation. Hold each other tight and pray together. My prayer is that this makes your family stronger and I agree that Clark needs to get back in the water and the sooner he does the easier it will be for him. Don’t allow him to make a swimming pool a monster in his own mind. My youngest son swims like a fish and my sibling have no fear when I take their kids swimming. Accidents like this make you super aware of things going on at the pool, and you watch all the kids, not just your own. This is a good thing and should be embraced.
Good luck,
Michelle Pense
I already had knots in my stomach after reading this post, but after reading your comment, the tears started falling. Our stories are so similar…my son, aged 20 months, drowned in my grandparents’ pond 17 years ago. He would have turned 19 last month. We also had a 3-year-old at the time. I walked away to get dessert, my grandmother thought I was aware that he was following me, but I didn’t. I turned around the corner and he went the other way. When I returned and we couldn’t find him anywhere (we looked in the pond, but he was submerged and it was murky)…my mother asked God to give her a sign and she saw footprints in the muddy water. She and my aunt jumped in the pond and found him underwater. He was not able to be revived. I am blessed to have had that precious amount of time with him and look forward to the day that we are reunited.
I’m glad I read this story at home and not at work, because watching the ksl story totally put me in tears. What a scary experience! And how amazing that the teenager followed his heart and went swimming that night. I was at the TOFW in SLC, and I would have never guessed that something like this had just happened. Thank you for sharing this story and your advice. And I’m so glad everyone is healthy again. You are truly an amazing mom!
I am so sorry you had to go through this scary experience but I’m so glad all is well!! My little 2 yr old fell into a campfire pit (smoldering coals, not burning fire) this summer and burned her hands badly. We were watching her when it happened and even had my brother standing right next to her but when she lost her footing and started to tumble it didn’t matter – it happened SO fast! So I now know more than anyone how quickly these ACCIDENTS happen! We went through all of the what-if’s and still can’t figure out what we could have done differently (aside from not having a fire at all) but my heart goes out to you!! Thanks for sharing your story!
No rude or hateful comments from me. I am so thankful your son is well. This could happen to any parent who has ever taken their children swimming. Thank you so much for posting this very personal event in your life. Your openness and willingness to share has given me a wake up call. May God continue to bless you and your entire family.
I’m so sorry that you had to go through such a scary situation! I worked as a lifeguard for a few years after high school and even with the best supervision, accidents still can happen. I can’t even begin to imagine how scary this was for you, I’m pretty sure people think I’m neurotic when my kids are in the pool (i even get anxious while my son is taking a private swim lesson with a instructor I completely trust) , but I don’t care anymore. Thank you for the reminder of how important it is to know that accidents can happen even with great supervision,the importance of CPR, and for me to re-certify! Glad Clark is safe and healthy, that you had some amazing , helpful friends and an extremely helpful teenager around at such a scary time!
I can not even imagine what you went through. Thank you so much for this reminder. We just recently moved to the Phoenix area and my kids are still swimming in November. The same can be said for bath tubs as well. I know I am guilty of getting distracted when my 1 and 3 year old are in the tub. Thank you for sharing your story!
Hugs to you, and thanks for your bravery in sharing and raising awareness about watching kids around water. Though not involving wateer, I went thru a similar type of near tragedy where I could have easily lost my sweet 4 year old, and she wound up with a minor skull fracture (oxymoron, much?) after falling off a ladder that she should never have been on while playing at a neighbors house. Thank you, thank you, thank you God, her brain is fine, and she suffered no lasting effects of her accident; we’re 2 years past the accident, now. But, oh the guilt that I have imposed on myself and the PTSD induced nightmares that I have had to work through.
I was there “watching” her and visiting with about 6 other adult friends while about 10 kids ran around and played, and NOT ONE of us saw her climb a 8-foot high loft ladder. Not me, her mama didn’t notice until she fell. Talk about mommy guilt. I have learned that things happen in just a few seconds whether water is involved or not. Clearly we need to cautious and watch our kids, but accidents will happen and even the most attentive parent is going to have a moment that they cannot control and did not plan for. I guess I just want to tell you to expect to have a few meltdowns yourself when you slow down a bit. Forgive yourself and to give yourself grace.
Thank you God for Clark’s saefty. Give his mama Your peace.
Oh, my goodness! That is so scary!! I’m so grateful he is okay! Thank you for posting and reminding us to be so cautious. Thank you also for the link to that article on drowning. My little girl had a similar thing happen where she suddenly hit a slope in the pool and started to go down. I too had a baby in my arms and was chatting, but luckily I happened to turn my head to her just as she started going down and I practically threw my baby at my friend, grabbed one of those long floaty sticks from someone on the way and got to her while she was still able to grab it. Reading your story and that article made me realize how truly lucky I was to have seen it. It really did not look like anything much. The people who were all around her had no idea she was in trouble. Thank you for the reminder and I’m so grateful yours had a happy outcome too!
I echo many who do not judge you. As parents we do our best, and even then, accidents and scary things happen. Your cute son obviously has a great purpose in this life, and that’s why he was spared. You are definitely a blessed Momma to have such a great kid to raise.
Thanks for sharing. I am glad that he is better.
{HUGS}
I’m so glad everyone was there to help!!!
Bless your heart! So thankful your son is okay and what a blessing to have such a hero among you. Thank you for sharing your story so others may learn and understand that a split second can change your life.
Holy moly, how scary!!!! I have always been fearful of the water. I am not a terrific swimmer but love to be in the pool. We have life jackets for my kids and that has helped me breathe a lot easier but I need that reminder just like everyone else. Thank you and I am soooooooooooooooo glad he is ok!!!! What a sweet miracle!
So glad your little guy is okay!
Kate, I’m so glad that Clark and the rest of your family is well.Water can definitely take us by surprise. I admire you for sharing your experience to help another. That’s very bold of you.
I definitely recommend everyone take a CPR and First Aid class. It was one of the first things my husband and I did together after we got married and we learned so much. It makes both of us feel safer to have someone else know how to help if there is an accident in the kitchen or one of us were to start choking and stop breathing. I hope your readers take your advice seriously.
~Andrea
Thank you for writing this, you nailed it. So glad your son in ok. My older child went under once when my sister turned her back on him at the pool, lifeguard dove in fully clothed to get him. The second time he was 8, it had been a long day, early morning swim meet, late raft night. We were standing right there when he went under, a father next to me was able to just reach in and grab him immediately. My son was surprised that it even happened to him. I explained that he was tired and needed to learn his limits. It was a good teaching moment.
My heart is just pounding thinking of how scary that must have been to go through. Thanks for your story & for the article. I am glad I read them!