The public has spoken–faux rotisserie chicken it is! Don’t worry, my little pretties, we’ll have Texas Sheet Cake soon.

So I’ll admit that one of my greatest fears in life is raw poultry; it all stems back to my mom telling me not to put my toothbrush on the bathroom counter when I was little because I’d get salmonella from the pet goldfish and that raw poultry also carried salmonella, yada yada yada. I always live in fear of undercooking poultry, especially whole birds, and usually end up overcooking them, even when I use my trusty meat thermometers. Yes, I have three. Add in the fact that the more I handle dead animals when they still resemble their live animal selves, the less I like whatever it is I’m cooking.

Suffice it to say that me + a whole chicken = culinary disaster. I actually once had a real, true panic attack while skinning a whole raw chicken.
So this recipe is for me and people like me. It’s easy. You barely touch the dang thing. And after 8 hours or so in the slow cooker, it’s guaranteed to be done. Even better? It tastes just like the rotisserie chicken you get fully-cooked and fully-priced from the grocery store!
Now, you may wonder (as I have) what one does with a whole cooked chicken. Sometimes we just slice it up like you would a turkey and eat it with potatoes and a salad. Or you could make a big chef salad and toss the chicken on it. You could throw it in fried rice, chow mein, chicken noodle soup, on top of BBQ chicken pizza, or use it in any number of recipes that call for pre-cooked chicken like enchiladas, pot pie, or casseroles. Dip it in BBQ sauce, shred it for cold chicken sandwiches, or make chicken salad with it. It’s super versatile and a great thing to know how to do! And it’s way better than boiling it. Waaaaaaaaaaay better.

Fauxtisserie Chicken
Our Best Bites
1 whole chicken, small enough to fit in your slow cooker
Salt-based seasoning (Seasoning salt, Cajun seasoning, lemon pepper with salt in it, etc. Just make sure salt is one of the first ingredients on the label.)
Whole garlic cloves, peeled

Make 3 balls of aluminum foil and place them in the bottom of your slow cooker. These hold the chicken off the bottom so the hot air can circulate all around the chicken and so it’s not stewing in its own juices.

Rinse chicken, including the cavity, and pat dry with paper towels. Place the chicken on its back so the breast is facing up and the legs are on the plate. If you want (and I actually strongly recommend that you do UNLESS you’re looking for a neutral flavor), pull the skin up all around the chicken. This does involve sticking your hand between the skin and the breast. Oooh, sounds dirty. Slice a few garlic cloves in half lengthwise and stick them under the skin. You can also arrange a couple sprigs of fresh herbs like rosemary, thyme, and/or sage under the skin. This makes a very pretty chicken when it’s all cooked and adds a lot of flavor.

Rub salt-based seasoning VERY liberally onto the skin of the chicken. Place chicken breast-up on the foil in the slow cooker, cover, turn heat to low, and leave it alone for 7-8 hours.

(And by breast side up I mean, completely opposite of the pictures shown in this post. Hey, you try photographing every step of your dinner and see if you make it all the way through without an upside-down chicken every once and a while…!)

This poor guy has no idea what’s coming…

I actually didn’t take it out of the slow cooker for the last picture because it’s so tender that the legs and wings will literally fall off when you pull it out. But that makes for some yummy chicken! Try it with steak fries or Sara’s Stuffed Bleu Cheese Potatoes.

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