Cat Head Biscuits

So here at Our Best Bites, we have over 900 recipes. Wow, right? Kind of crazy. What’s crazier? None of them are recipes for straight-up biscuits. I’m not sure why–part of it, at least for me, is that a good biscuit is hard to beat, but finding a good biscuit is surprisingly hard, especially considering how simple the recipe is. Since Alton Brown is kind of the king of food science and biscuits are basically a science experiment that has the potential to result in delicious weight gain, I tried his, thinking they would SURELY be amazing (especially since they had rave reviews), and they were not. It was one of my more epic kitchen fails. No one in my family would touch them. I texted Sara, telling her if she was looking for a biscuit recipe, this one was NOT it and she told me she had the same experience.

So I gave up for awhile. It was one of my dark periods. And then I got the America’s Test Kitchen Best Ever Recipes 2013 Issue and saw the recipe for Cat Head Biscuits. Because they’re supposed to be as big as a cat’s head.

Now…this is my cat. Note the size of her head.

Her name is Willow. She hates me unless it’s cold outside, then she tries to crawl in bed with me. I can attest to the fact that these biscuits are roughly the size of her head, but I cannot show you because like all evil mystical creatures, she doesn’t show up in mirrors or in pictures. Kidding. But she really wouldn’t let me take a picture of her with a biscuit. This is about as friendly as she gets. I took this picture on Christmas Eve, so she was probably overcome with the Christmas spirit or something.

Anyway. These biscuits are not just huge, but they are AMAZING. They’re not flaky, but they’re the softest, lightest, most tender biscuits (which comes from a combination of the lighter flour and the shortening) and they have a rich, butter flavor (which comes from…wait for it…the butter). I suppose you could use them for something like biscuits and gravy, but it almost seems sacrilegious to put anything other than homemade jam on them.

The other thing I love about them is that if you focus and don’t check Facebook and Instagram 52 times while you’re making them, you could easily make these, start to finish, in less than 30 minutes, and most of that is baking time. They’re SO quick and easy, but they taste like heaven.

Like I mentioned a second ago, you’re not using regular flour here. In the ATK write-up about the recipe, they go into a lot of explanations about the whys and hows and protein content and whatever. I highly recommend you get the issue and read all about it. BUT. Suffice it to say that if you can, you should use White Lily flour, which produces these light, fluffy biscuits.

However, it’s not available to buy in stores everywhere (check here to see if you live in a state that sells it in stores). If you DON’T live where they sell it, don’t freak out yet. Probably your best bet is from soap.com (good price, free, fast shipping, what’s not to like, right?) If that doesn’t sound like something you’re interested in, you can substitute 1 1/2 cups (or, if you have a kitchen scale, 7 1/2 ounces) of all-purpose flour, lightly spooned into measuring cups and leveled with a knife and 1 1/2 cups (6 ounces) of cake flour, measured the same way. I know some of you are itching to ask about substitutions. I don’t recommend substituting anything else, not all all-purpose flour or bread flour or whole wheat flour or quinoa flour or cornstarch or some magical carb-free flour that your neighbor is selling and is not regulated by the FDA. Either White Lily or the 1/2 all-purpose, 1/2 cake flour combination. I’m not trying to be a bossy jerkface, it just is what it is.

Adjust the oven rack to the upper-middle position and heat the oven to 425 degrees. Grease a 9″ round cake pan with shortening and set aside.

In addition to the flour, you’re going to need baking powder, baking soda, table salt,

a lot of butter, and a little shortening (again, it is what it is–according to Juli, our friend and resident food specialist–seriously, guys, she develops recipes for Better Homes & Gardens–all Crisco products are now trans-fat free. If that doesn’t do it for you, lard is always an option if your diametrically opposed to using shortening), softened and cut into 1/2″ pieces.

In a medium mixing bowl, whisk together the flour, baking powder, baking soda, and salt. Using your fingers, mix the butter and shortening into the flour mixture until the mixture resembles coarse meal. Add 1 1/4 cups buttermilk

and stir with a rubber spatula or a wooden spoon until combined.

Use a 1/2 cup ice cream scoop or measuring cup to measure out 6 heaping portions of dough and place them each in the prepared pan, one in the middle

and 5 surrounding it.

Bake in the preheated oven for 20-25 minutes or until golden on top.

Remove from the oven and allow to stand for 10 minutes. Carefully break apart the biscuits with two forks

(or leave them in the pan until you’re ready to serve them).

Makes 6 ginormous, cat head-sized biscuits.