This is the first in a series of posts about water safety. To read the post I wrote 1 1/2 years after the accident, click here. To learn more about water safety, check out this post.
I’ve literally spent the last few days agonizing about whether or not I should write this post for a number of reasons. I don’t want to make things weird between us. I feel like I’ve told this story over and over again and it feels weird to tell it again. I feel like I’m opening up a huge facet of my private life by sharing this story. I want to share information but not sound like an encyclopedia, and I want to make things personal but not have it sound like a bad Lifetime movie. So bear with me here.
I’ve gotta warn you guys that I can totally see how this can be a hard story to read, and that it might get under your skin. And I totally understand if you want to stop reading. But. I think what I have to share is important. I promise, because it’s something so intensely personal, I wouldn’t be sharing it if I didn’t think that it was important. I feel like if what I have to say can prevent even one accident like we had, it will be worth it.
I also ask that if you have something potentially unkind to say, to think really, really hard before you post it (and I subsequently delete it–just warning you now). I promise, there is nothing you can say to a parent in this situation that they haven’t already said to themselves.
Ready? Whew.
So as you guys know, Sara and I have been traveling a lot lately (and we just came back from our last trip! Woo-hoo!) We generally try to leave as late in the week as possible and come back on Sunday so we can be away from our families as little as possible, but it still takes its toll on everyone.
Last weekend, our event was in Salt Lake City and Sara had been planning on bringing her whole family. Through a series of kind of crazy and unusual circumstances (unexpected days off school, obscenely cheap airfare, unused frequent flier miles, a trip my dad and husband planned on taking together), we decided to bring our whole family as well. Sara’s and my kids completely adore each other and it was a chance for all of us to hang out for a few extra days and take a little mini vacation.
The night we got in, I was getting the kids ready for bed when Sara invited us to go swimming with them. I hadn’t brought my swimsuit and I didn’t really want to bring the baby in the water, but our kids were dying to see each other and hey, we were on a vacation. My kids have had a few summers’ worth of swimming lessons and can swim the length of the pool, so I wasn’t worried about playing around in the shallow end.
Here’s the thing. When it comes to water, bad things can happen quickly, and, unlike you see in TV and movies, those things are quiet. Here’s a fabulous article that talks about what drowning actually looks like and it’s something everyone should read and pass around to anyone who spends any time around water.
In our case, my oldest son was bouncing in an area where he could easily reach. And he did what anyone who’s spent a reasonable amount of time in a swimming pool has done–he landed where the pool started to slope. And it caught him off guard, and all it took was a gulp of water instead of air.
One of the reasons why I wanted to post this sooner rather than later was because KSL News in Salt Lake City did a story (you can read the whole thing here)Â on the teenage boy who pulled my son out of the water and I wanted to include it before the story and video are unavailable, largely because it spares me from personally having to share the harder details.
We’re not exactly sure how long he was underwater, but by piecing all the stories together and the fact that we were right there, it could have been anywhere from 1-3 minutes, but however long it was long enough to stop his heart and turn his skin blue. We really, truly could have lost him (and I thought we had).
After Greg pulled Clark out of the water, Sara’s husband gave him CPR and was able to revive him. He was rushed in an ambulance to Primary Children’s Medical Center where he spent a few hours in the ER and then was admitted to the PICU because he was having a hard time staying awake and his breathing was labored. Aside from the fact that hearing “ICU” is totally terrifying, it was really awful because I couldn’t stay with him (my husband did) because I had a nursing baby who wasnt allowed and there was no way for anyone else to feed him.
So I headed back to an empty hotel room quite literally in the middle of the night. And to say it sucked is the understatement of the century.
The next morning, he was much better and I was able to leave the baby with my husband and spend the morning with Clark in the ICU. They kept him long enough to get out of the danger zone and he left the hospital the day after the accident super tired with a cough, no appetite, and some antibiotics, but was otherwise completely fine (read: no brain damage).
In terms of facts and figures, I strongly encourage everyone to read the article I talked about earlier (and here it is again so you don’t have to go hunting for it). But I want to share, as a mom, some things to think about.
Kids aren’t as mature as we think they are. I think it’s easy to forget that bigger kids (like in the 6-10 range) are still pretty little kids, especially when you have younger kids in the mix. You’re used to relying on them to be mature and responsible, but in reality, they’re not as mature and responsible as we sometimes give them credit for. Additionally, Clark is my super-cautious rule-following kid; if I had to peg someone for a serious accident, it would have been my daughter.
Swim lessons (or floaties, or noodles, or life vests, or anything inflatable, or the presence of a lifeguard) are not a substitute for close supervision. I was there, keeping an eye on things, checking the pool, but I had a baby in my arms and friends I hadn’t seen in a long time and it had been a long day. Things literally happen in seconds and in the time it takes to run to the bathroom, have a serious phone conversation, deal with a fussy baby, listen to a child’s story, watch another kid jump off a diving board, or answer a text, it could be too late.
Supervision is not a substitute for excellent swimming skills. Like I said earlier, my kids have taken swimming lessons and Clark especially is a good little swimmer, but I think sometimes we forget that they don’t have the life experience necessary to not freak out if something catches them off guard. We’ve talked about the accident with him and told him he doesn’t need to get back in the pool tomorrow, or next week, or next month, but he does eventually need to continue with swim lessons and feeling comfortable in the pool.
Everyone should learn CPR. I don’t know what we would have done if Sara’s husband hadn’t been there that night. If I was hiring a babysitter and one of them was CPR-certified and the other one wasn’t, I’d most likely hire the CPR-certified babysitter, and yet I’ve been a mom for nearly 8 years and I haven’t had more than a brief overview of CPR a time or two as a teenager. I’m signing up for a CPR certification course ASAP so I never find myself in a situation where I couldn’t help someone who needed CPR. You can register for Red Cross classes here and even in my tiny community, there are a gazillion options available.
Don’t swim when you’re tired. My kids had been up late the night before in anticipation for our trip, then we’d been flying all day. It was an hour later for them than what the clock said and they were up way past their bedtime. Bad idea.
Don’t swim alone. That’s more for adults and teenagers, but even good, experienced swimmers can underestimate how close they are to a pool wall and hit their head or experience any number of other little accidents that normally wouldn’t be a big deal, but when you’re dealing with water, they become a big deal.
We all think it’s not going to happen to us. It’s so hard to strike a balance between being neurotic and thinking things aren’t going to happen to us; neither one is a good thing. Car accidents happen to bad drivers and water accidents happen to neglectful parents. Except that they don’t…they can happen to anyone. This accident has been a wake-up call for safety in all areas of my life, not to a point where I’m crazy, but it’s just reminded me that there are easy things I can do to make things safer: Water safety, locking doors, unplugging appliances, using car seats and boosters properly, not running the dryer when I’m not at home or while we’re sleeping, making sure our fire and carbon monoxide detectors are working properly, and ignoring the fact that my text alert has beeped 6 times in 2 minutes while I’m driving. You don’t have to live in fear, but a little caution goes a long way.
Thankfully, within 48 hours, he was nearly his old little self. Here’s a picture of Clark (the one with Perry the Platypus) and Sara’s little boy Tyler two nights after it happened.
and all the OBB kiddos (minus Baby Will)…
As for us, we’re doing fine. Clark had a little freak-out the night he was discharged from the hospital, but he seems to be handling it really well. Generally, I’m good, although I’ve been busy. Sometimes in a quiet moment, those scary images and “what if” thoughts creep into my head, and sometimes they completely blindside me when I’m out and about and they kind of take my breath away. I’m just so very grateful to all the people who happened to be there that night–Eric (Sara’s husband), Greg (the awesome teenager), Nate (who helped Eric), Sara (who kept me from completely and totally losing it and who drove me to and from the hospital a few times in the middle of the night), the nice ladies who held Will, the paramedics, ER staff, and Jen the ICU nurse who Clark is completely enamored with.
For those of you little detectives that figured out what happened after I posted last week and have sent such sweet comments, emails, thoughts, and prayers, I appreciate them so much. Thank you guys from the bottom of my heart for being such fabulous, supportive blog readers.Thank you for sticking with me through such a heavy blog post! I hope sharing our experiences will help keep your families and loved ones safe!
Questions & Reviews
Thank you for your post. Thank God for the happy ending. With my own five kids, I was always a little anxious around water just because I know how fast things can go wrong. Even the bathtub at home can be dangerous for little ones. Be careful, be cautious….they depend on us to keep them safe.
Oh, that is so scary. So glad your little man is just fine. Can’t even imagine what you went through.
I’m so glad that everything turned out okay – that must have been terrifying beyond words! Prayers for you and your family!
I’m so sorry to hear about your frightening experience. Thank you so much for sharing. It was a great reminder of the importance of safety!
As a swim teacher and lifeguard of 20 years all I can say is, “thank you.” Your artice was well-written and imformative. I am so sorry you and your family had such an awful experience and it seems your boy is doing well. It really does just take a second. My daughter slipped underwater during her lesson with a teacher I trust and there was a class assigned lifeguard at the water’s edge. Glad it all ended well.
Thank you for sharing such great advice. As a police officer/detective and a former EMT and member of a search and rescue team these are always excellent reminders for all of us. And it is also comforting to know that there is someone looking over us and our children, since we are all imperfect parents, unlike our perfect heavenly parents.
I am so glad you shared this. But so sorry you had to experience it. Praise the LORD that he is OK….truly a MIRACLE! ((HUGS)) to you and your family!
Thank you for sharing your story. It was hard for you, and I know how tramtic that day was. Being a mom w/one son, yep I know exactly how much you worried about safety. My son, well, he’s had his share of accidents, and no matter how much you try to keep them safe, its impossible. But, every day I pray for his safety, and try not to be over protective. Your son is a great kid and will handle everything ok. Just keep doing what you are doing to protect your kids, that’s a mom’s job.
Sorry to hear that Kate. We had a scare a few years ago when our now 5 year old managed, in less than 10 seconds, to take off her arm floaties and jump into a pool filled with 4 adults (myself only 2 feet away) and 7 children with only one child seeing or hearing her. If that child had not pointed down toward the still water and mentioned that “she took off her arm floaties”, well, I can’t bring myself to complete that thought. We think my daughter was only under the water 15-20 seconds tops, but it was enough to cause her to dry heave when I did pull her up (she was only about a foot under water and her legs were moving but her arms were motionless above her head). Don’t drive yourself crazy with “what if” questions. Don’t think about the “could have been” scenarios–take it from a professional worrier. Focus on the reality of the situation, what you learned, and what you can teach others.
My heart goes out to you and your family. What a scary situation to find yourselves in! I’m glad to hear that your story has a happy ending and that your child was okay.
Kate, I was the one in your sons place 20 years ago. I was at my grandmas neighbors pool doing the exact same thing- bouncing too close to the slope. Slipped and went under. The neighbor was a lifeguard thankfully. No ER trip (it was 20 years ago I feel like that wasn’t the norm then) . Since that day I never truly learned to swim, I have no real damage from it aside from a huge phobia of water. I had a panic attack snorkeling on my honeymoon in Hawaii but it has caused me to be uber careful with my kids and water- possibly bordering on avoidance.
I am so glad everything turned out for the better. Do follow through with getting him back in the water some day- 15 years was too long to wait.
Hugs.
I’m sitting here in tears reading your post. Just the thought of that experience makes my chest get all tight and tears in my eyes. I’m so sorry you had to experience that, but I’m so happy to hear everyone is ok.
I had a similar but no where near as serious incident with one of my girls. She was about 6 1/2 ish and we were at a pool party with the girl scout troop and the girls had been swimming and eating for a while. I had hawk eyes on the pool for the first bit, but with 3 kids of my own (one being a baby) and other moms to talk to my hawk eyes got a little lazy. I was chatting when I heard the yell for help. It was my daughter clinging to the side of the pool in a panic. I did read the article and now realize she wasn’t near drowning, but at the time it was so scary. One of the other little girls had grabbed on to my daughters back to ride like she does with her dad. Of course my little 6 year old couldn’t do that and was pulled under for a few seconds. She grabbed the side and got herself up to yell for help. Scariest and most guilt ridden experience of my life. I just can’t imagine how you must have felt.
Again…so sorry you had to experience this. I will be sharing it with my friends and keep this in mind when near water with my girls. The two older ones are on a swim team but a reminder that strong swimming isn’t always enough when they don’t have that maturity level. You just might save someone by sharing this experience.
Wow. So happy to hear that Clark is ok. I hope that I can post a link to this post for all of my students and their parents to read, as well as print it off to have at my pool. I run a Red Cross Swim School here in Northern BC, Canada. As well, as a lifeguard who has performed rescues, it is so nice to hear a happy ending to this story. I’ve been a faithful OBB reader for years and LOVE your cookbooks, but this post pulls at my heart strings like no other. Thank you for this. You will save lives, as readers will enroll their children in lifesaving swimming lessons, remember these valuable safety tips and hopefully learn CPR themselves! Thank you!
Kate, I am so sorry that you had to go through something so frightening. Heavenly Father was truly watching out for you and your family that night. Thank you for sharing your story with all of us and for the reminder to be more watchful in all the things we do. I am so glad that Clark is doing okay and that there was a happy ending to this story. You must be a very special person for Heavenly Father to test you in such a traumatic manner. I am sorry for the lingering fright that you all are going through. My heart and prayers are with you.
How horrible for your family and I am so thankful that God’s hand was on your family. What a great miracle you have experienced. Bless you!
I know I posted this on your FB, but this has truly, truly given me a water-safety wake-up call. My oldest is also a rule-following 7-year-old, and I know I haven’t supervised her as closely as I could. I will be better from now on because you had the courage to share your story.
I’m so glad Clark is okay. Though I don’t know you IRL, I know you are a wonderful mother and Clark is lucky to have you.
I could (very fairly) be labeled as an overprotective mom, yet we had a very similar experience with one of our boys 5 years ago. I still think about it and it still scares me to death. Take deep breaths, pray, and have a circle of friends/family who you know will pray constantly and consistently for you. Your little man will probably be over the episode before you will. 🙂
What a terrifying accident! My heart stopped just reading that, I can’t imagine how it must have been for you going through it!
I was IN a pool with my son last year. He’s a little younger, but I was right there and right next to him. He managed to do something similar – just bounced off and into the deep end. I didn’t hear him or see him. Luckily DH happened to be facing him (on the other side of the pool) and quickly grabbed him out. He was fine and had only been under for a moment, but still – it could have easily gone the other way.
I do know CPR, but have never used it, and it’s been a couple of years. Thanks for the reminder to brush up on my skills.
(and I’m SO SO glad your son is OK!!)
Thank you for sharing this story. Its amazing how God puts the right people in the right place when we need them to be. It has been so long since I have had CPR training, I’m going to go sign up right now. I would feel just terrible if I didn’t listen to your story and get myself prepared. I’m happy that he is doing well.
I am so sorry you had to go through such a terrifying ordeal. I had chill bumps on my arms and tears in my eyes reading your story. Thank you for sharing. I am so very happy Clark is doing just fine (even though a bit shaken still, I’m sure).
Kate,
I applaude you.
For many reasons, but mainly, I was that child once.
In a pool, surrounded by love and attention. Then the unthinkable happens, accidents happen.
Surviving, obviously, but not enabled by strong parents who grasp the reality of how an accident can effect their child for life. I have been plagued by my desire to be in and of the water, (hello, I live in Maui), yet clutched in fear of drowning or mostly, not trusting my ability to swim. Reading your message I rejoiced in your list of key elements for raising children around water. #3, especially, supervision is not a substitution for swim skills. Yes, this is so critical! Re-engage his belief in his OWN ability to swim. This was never established for me. “Guess she will never be a swimmer” was the answer for my family. Wrong!! As an adult, with 3 children, surrounded by the glory of the ocean, I crave the beach yet harbor small twinges of fear. Fear that peaks it ugly head into the foreground of my thinking once in awhile. But not just for water…the fear strikes with occasional anxiety of new things, tickling my mind with trusting myself and my ability. It took a long time for me to learn to recognize this anxiety and where it came from. Some moments in our children’s lives, while they may seem only a physical trauma, do have an impact that is unseen.
I so greatly applaude your scope and dedication to your children. Thank you so much!
Your ability to share the story and compartmentalize it enough to share and help us all learn from it is such a blessing! You are being his advocate in more ways than may be measured from this moment.
Lifting you up in prayer…blessed by what you share!
mahalo nui loa
Hugs, Mischelle! Thank you so much for sharing your experiences!
Psalm 34:7. Glad all turned out well. How terrifying for all of you!
Sorry to hear about such a scary event, but glad that everyone is doing well! Thank you for sharing your story so that another family does not have to go through such a terrifying ordeal.
I’m only going to say this once young lady, stop beating yourself up over this. I suspect that you are your own worst enemy on this. Going down the “what if” path isn’t a productive use of time.
I think you’re both awesome moms who love your kids and really go out of your way to make their lives special. I’m so glad all turned out well and you’ll have CPR training in case you ever need to save someone in need.
Thank you for sharing, I am so glad this had a happy ending. I am going to forward this to all of my mom friends. Thank you again.
Thanks for being brave and sharing your story. I’m so glad Clark is ok! Anyone with kids knows that accidents happen~ we can all use a reminder to be more cautious.
What a terrifying experience you went through. So glad your son is ok. Don’t beat yourself up over what happened (or blame yourself). You took a scary situation and turned it into a teaching moment for a lot of moms who are just like you. Give that boy an extra hug and be grateful for the blessing he is. First thing I required my teen daughter to do in order to babysit was take a CPR class through The Red Cross. It could be the difference between life and death.
Bless you.
I’m so glad that all of you are alright – it must have been a horrifying time. Anybody who would make a negative comment has no idea how easily such things can happen even to the most vigilant parents.
I believe that you have probably saved lives by sharing your story and giving all the extra information that you did. At a time like this, it would have been easy to just move on but you’ve chosen to put your story out there for the benefit of others. Thank you for doing that on behalf of the other kids who will make it because of you.
If there’s a ‘hero award’ we can nominate that young man for (or vote for if he’s been nominated), please let us know. He obviously was sent there that night for a reason.
Just a month ago my sister’s friend was on a vacation and her husband was at the gym. Their little boy was being supervised by a grandparent. They suddenly noticed that the little boy was missing and found him submerged in the pool in the backyard. They did not know how long he was underwater. The hospital kept the little boy on life support until the mom could catch a flight back home to see him. The next morning, he died. It is a very sad situation that can go wrong so fast and I am so happy to hear that your little boy is fine.
Oh, my gosh, that is so tragic. I can’t even think about it. Hugs to your friend!!