This is the first in a series of posts about water safety. To read the post I wrote 1 1/2 years after the accident, click here. To learn more about water safety, check out this post.
I’ve literally spent the last few days agonizing about whether or not I should write this post for a number of reasons. I don’t want to make things weird between us. I feel like I’ve told this story over and over again and it feels weird to tell it again. I feel like I’m opening up a huge facet of my private life by sharing this story. I want to share information but not sound like an encyclopedia, and I want to make things personal but not have it sound like a bad Lifetime movie. So bear with me here.
I’ve gotta warn you guys that I can totally see how this can be a hard story to read, and that it might get under your skin. And I totally understand if you want to stop reading. But. I think what I have to share is important. I promise, because it’s something so intensely personal, I wouldn’t be sharing it if I didn’t think that it was important. I feel like if what I have to say can prevent even one accident like we had, it will be worth it.
I also ask that if you have something potentially unkind to say, to think really, really hard before you post it (and I subsequently delete it–just warning you now). I promise, there is nothing you can say to a parent in this situation that they haven’t already said to themselves.
Ready? Whew.
So as you guys know, Sara and I have been traveling a lot lately (and we just came back from our last trip! Woo-hoo!) We generally try to leave as late in the week as possible and come back on Sunday so we can be away from our families as little as possible, but it still takes its toll on everyone.
Last weekend, our event was in Salt Lake City and Sara had been planning on bringing her whole family. Through a series of kind of crazy and unusual circumstances (unexpected days off school, obscenely cheap airfare, unused frequent flier miles, a trip my dad and husband planned on taking together), we decided to bring our whole family as well. Sara’s and my kids completely adore each other and it was a chance for all of us to hang out for a few extra days and take a little mini vacation.
The night we got in, I was getting the kids ready for bed when Sara invited us to go swimming with them. I hadn’t brought my swimsuit and I didn’t really want to bring the baby in the water, but our kids were dying to see each other and hey, we were on a vacation. My kids have had a few summers’ worth of swimming lessons and can swim the length of the pool, so I wasn’t worried about playing around in the shallow end.
Here’s the thing. When it comes to water, bad things can happen quickly, and, unlike you see in TV and movies, those things are quiet. Here’s a fabulous article that talks about what drowning actually looks like and it’s something everyone should read and pass around to anyone who spends any time around water.
In our case, my oldest son was bouncing in an area where he could easily reach. And he did what anyone who’s spent a reasonable amount of time in a swimming pool has done–he landed where the pool started to slope. And it caught him off guard, and all it took was a gulp of water instead of air.
One of the reasons why I wanted to post this sooner rather than later was because KSL News in Salt Lake City did a story (you can read the whole thing here)Â on the teenage boy who pulled my son out of the water and I wanted to include it before the story and video are unavailable, largely because it spares me from personally having to share the harder details.
We’re not exactly sure how long he was underwater, but by piecing all the stories together and the fact that we were right there, it could have been anywhere from 1-3 minutes, but however long it was long enough to stop his heart and turn his skin blue. We really, truly could have lost him (and I thought we had).
After Greg pulled Clark out of the water, Sara’s husband gave him CPR and was able to revive him. He was rushed in an ambulance to Primary Children’s Medical Center where he spent a few hours in the ER and then was admitted to the PICU because he was having a hard time staying awake and his breathing was labored. Aside from the fact that hearing “ICU” is totally terrifying, it was really awful because I couldn’t stay with him (my husband did) because I had a nursing baby who wasnt allowed and there was no way for anyone else to feed him.
So I headed back to an empty hotel room quite literally in the middle of the night. And to say it sucked is the understatement of the century.
The next morning, he was much better and I was able to leave the baby with my husband and spend the morning with Clark in the ICU. They kept him long enough to get out of the danger zone and he left the hospital the day after the accident super tired with a cough, no appetite, and some antibiotics, but was otherwise completely fine (read: no brain damage).
In terms of facts and figures, I strongly encourage everyone to read the article I talked about earlier (and here it is again so you don’t have to go hunting for it). But I want to share, as a mom, some things to think about.
Kids aren’t as mature as we think they are. I think it’s easy to forget that bigger kids (like in the 6-10 range) are still pretty little kids, especially when you have younger kids in the mix. You’re used to relying on them to be mature and responsible, but in reality, they’re not as mature and responsible as we sometimes give them credit for. Additionally, Clark is my super-cautious rule-following kid; if I had to peg someone for a serious accident, it would have been my daughter.
Swim lessons (or floaties, or noodles, or life vests, or anything inflatable, or the presence of a lifeguard) are not a substitute for close supervision. I was there, keeping an eye on things, checking the pool, but I had a baby in my arms and friends I hadn’t seen in a long time and it had been a long day. Things literally happen in seconds and in the time it takes to run to the bathroom, have a serious phone conversation, deal with a fussy baby, listen to a child’s story, watch another kid jump off a diving board, or answer a text, it could be too late.
Supervision is not a substitute for excellent swimming skills. Like I said earlier, my kids have taken swimming lessons and Clark especially is a good little swimmer, but I think sometimes we forget that they don’t have the life experience necessary to not freak out if something catches them off guard. We’ve talked about the accident with him and told him he doesn’t need to get back in the pool tomorrow, or next week, or next month, but he does eventually need to continue with swim lessons and feeling comfortable in the pool.
Everyone should learn CPR. I don’t know what we would have done if Sara’s husband hadn’t been there that night. If I was hiring a babysitter and one of them was CPR-certified and the other one wasn’t, I’d most likely hire the CPR-certified babysitter, and yet I’ve been a mom for nearly 8 years and I haven’t had more than a brief overview of CPR a time or two as a teenager. I’m signing up for a CPR certification course ASAP so I never find myself in a situation where I couldn’t help someone who needed CPR. You can register for Red Cross classes here and even in my tiny community, there are a gazillion options available.
Don’t swim when you’re tired. My kids had been up late the night before in anticipation for our trip, then we’d been flying all day. It was an hour later for them than what the clock said and they were up way past their bedtime. Bad idea.
Don’t swim alone. That’s more for adults and teenagers, but even good, experienced swimmers can underestimate how close they are to a pool wall and hit their head or experience any number of other little accidents that normally wouldn’t be a big deal, but when you’re dealing with water, they become a big deal.
We all think it’s not going to happen to us. It’s so hard to strike a balance between being neurotic and thinking things aren’t going to happen to us; neither one is a good thing. Car accidents happen to bad drivers and water accidents happen to neglectful parents. Except that they don’t…they can happen to anyone. This accident has been a wake-up call for safety in all areas of my life, not to a point where I’m crazy, but it’s just reminded me that there are easy things I can do to make things safer: Water safety, locking doors, unplugging appliances, using car seats and boosters properly, not running the dryer when I’m not at home or while we’re sleeping, making sure our fire and carbon monoxide detectors are working properly, and ignoring the fact that my text alert has beeped 6 times in 2 minutes while I’m driving. You don’t have to live in fear, but a little caution goes a long way.
Thankfully, within 48 hours, he was nearly his old little self. Here’s a picture of Clark (the one with Perry the Platypus) and Sara’s little boy Tyler two nights after it happened.
and all the OBB kiddos (minus Baby Will)…
As for us, we’re doing fine. Clark had a little freak-out the night he was discharged from the hospital, but he seems to be handling it really well. Generally, I’m good, although I’ve been busy. Sometimes in a quiet moment, those scary images and “what if” thoughts creep into my head, and sometimes they completely blindside me when I’m out and about and they kind of take my breath away. I’m just so very grateful to all the people who happened to be there that night–Eric (Sara’s husband), Greg (the awesome teenager), Nate (who helped Eric), Sara (who kept me from completely and totally losing it and who drove me to and from the hospital a few times in the middle of the night), the nice ladies who held Will, the paramedics, ER staff, and Jen the ICU nurse who Clark is completely enamored with.
For those of you little detectives that figured out what happened after I posted last week and have sent such sweet comments, emails, thoughts, and prayers, I appreciate them so much. Thank you guys from the bottom of my heart for being such fabulous, supportive blog readers.Thank you for sticking with me through such a heavy blog post! I hope sharing our experiences will help keep your families and loved ones safe!
Questions & Reviews
SO glad he’s OK.
Thanks for the reminder that mature as they may seem, kids are just that- kids. Water scares me because I can’t swim, so I’m hyper-careful there. We had the same kid sliding down into the deep end experience, but I caught it immediately, because of my fear, but it amazed me how long it took to get the attention of the adult relatives all around my son, to get him rescued! It’s hard to remember though, that kids are still kids. Thank you for telling your story, it will make a difference in many lives.
You should probably change the name of the post to “That Time When OBB Probably Saved Someone’s Life”. It isn’t earth shattering information that you’re passing along, but it is information that, when presented in such a “comfortable” space for people will likely have the most impact. You could have chosen to keep the blog comfortable with happy stories and beautiful pictures of food and fun crafts, but by choosing instead to post this deeply personal story, here of all places, it will probably have the most impact in a positive way. As you can see by the number of replies, people have taken notice and I think that’s one of the more positive things you could hope for out of this experience. Thank you.
Im so sorry you had to experience that, but Im happy that Clark recovered so well. It must have been so difficult. Thank you for sharing your story as a reminder to us all.
My heart about stopped when reading this post, but I thank you for sharing it. This could save a life. Love and Blessings 🙂
Oh my goodness, this is so sad and scary and joyful all at once – joyful that your precious little one is alright. I can’t imagine the horror of such an event, but THANK YOU for the reminder and the oh-so-important info about kids and water. We really can’t be too careful with our supervision, and with a 5 year old budding “fish”, I will use this story and article to be extra cautious and watchful. Thank you for sharing, I pray for peace for your whole family!
I’m so glad Clark is okay! The right people were there for him that night.
Thank you for having the courage to share his story and the safety reminders. It proves that even kids with supervision and cautious parents can have accidents. My daughter was seven when she had a near drowning incident. It was no one’s fault, just an accident and there were at least a dozen adults in and watching the pool. We’ve had our kids in swimming lessons for a couple years now and I still have to fight my own anxiety every time we head to the pool. No one did anything wrong, but water is just plain dangerous!
Oh, I am so thankful that the situation has the outcome it has. Will be praying for peace and rest for you and the kids; thank you for letting us know what happened. Reading the blogs it feels like we get to know you and your family – thank you for the privledge to know what happened. Will be sending prayers and peaceful thoughts your way.
Oh, sweet Kate. Your words touched a place in my heart that remains quiet most of the time, but still nags at me when I feel like I’ve been a bad mother. Although my situation wasn’t nearly as serious as yours, it began the same. My son was the same age as yours, playing in the shallow end of the hotel pool with his two older sisters. I was sitting poolside, reading or something. I heard the girls calling from the pool and looked over to see my son’s eyes filled with panic as he was slipping down the slope of the pool. He could swim but was not a confident swimmer nor were his sisters. I froze. Blessedly, a teenage girl dived in and grabbed him. As I read the KSL article, I was so proud of you for diving in after your boy. Don’t you beat yourself up for a minute! I can tell you are a wonderful mom. Thanks for sharing your story. BTW, I watched your TOFW presentation via live streaming and was so impressed. Who knew you had been through such an ordeal before getting on that stage. I think you’re incredible. Plus you and Sara are delightful!
I am crying while writing this, and just the thought of what y’all have been through takes my breath away. Thank you for having the strength to share your story with all of us, opening our eyes to this possibility so that we can hopefully avoiding experiencing this first hand.
Your son had angels watching over him that night, thank God for having the right people in the right place at the right time.
May your family continue to heal, my prayers for all of you.
Thank you, Susan!
Oh my gosh! I cannot imagine how terrifying this would be. Thank you for the advice, and I’m so glad everything is okay. Thank God, literally.
Oh my gosh. I’m so glad everything turned out ok. Thank you for sharing this story. It’s a good reminder for all of us.
“Greg told me he was planning on going to the dance, but for some reason, something inside of him told him he was supposed to go swimming.”
You and I know what that something inside Greg was. Thank heavens he listened to it.
In the short 13.5 months I’ve been a mother to my precious little boy, I have quickly learned that accidents can–and do–happen to anyone and everyone. Sometimes the story has a happy ending and other times it doesn’t. I’m so happy for you that God spared your son and that Greg was able to follow his prompting.
Thank you for the reminder of how precious life is and how we shouldn’t be relaxed about simple rules of safety. Amazing how we all think these things could never happen to US! Again, I’m so happy your son is okay. God bless you!
I want to clarify: I wasn’t meaning you were intentionally being relaxed about safety. I just mean that it is easy to let our guard down a little or be distracted at times and things can happen so quickly!
I was so sad last Sat that I didn’t get to hear you two speak at TOFW that I sent them a quick email. They replied and they helped me find a way to watch it. I had just finished listening to your wonderful message when I noticed the email from you. I am so relieved for you. I am grateful for the smile on your sons face. I am thankful for your influence for good to your families and to all of us.
It is so true that things happen in an instant and even when you are being absolutely vigilant, things can happen. I’m sorry that you and your family have had such a horrifying experience. But am also glad that things have turned out so well. Thanks for the reminder that it can happen to anybody at anytime and we need to be watchful at all times. Good luck with you and your family and dealing with all of the emotions that accompany such an experience.
Kate, I am so sorry to hear that you and your family experienced such a scary situation. And while something so personal and so serious was, I am sure, terribly hard to share, I thank you for doing so. We all need to take time to remember to be cautious and like you stated it, can happen to anyone. Accidents happen to even the most overly cautious. I have been saying for months and months that I need to take a CPR class and just keep putting it off, after hearing your story I can’t do so anymore. You are so blessed that you had all those angles in your life that night. I will be keeping you and your sweet family in my thoughts for continued strength and recovery, both physically and emotionally. Remember, Your children are blessed to have you as their Mom!
I am so sorry Kate. How very very VERY scary! Last year I was in the pool with my three little ones, turned to help the youngest and when I turned back around my 3-year-old was floating face first in the water just inches from my reach. He was fine and it only lasted a split second but WOW, was it rattling. He is fine but I know I will never be the same.
Thank you so much for being willing to share your story with us. It is an important wake-up call.
I was so happy when I read that everything turned out o.k. It is a good reminder for me to update my CPR certification and a great reminder of how precious our little ones really are. You are an amazing mother!
thanks so much for sharing this story. i think it’s a good reminder for all of us. I have a pool in my backyard and it’s so easy to be complacent or get comfortable, but then things like this remind us how fragile life can be. we’re all so glad your little guy is fine.
I am so glad your little man is alright, and I can’t imagine what you must have gone through. Thank you for sharing your experience, and helping us all remember that we are human, and that we need to be cautious. Take care.
Thank you so much for sharing! I read that article about what drowning looks like and I feel much better prepared now. I’m so glad your story turned out okay. <3
I’m so sorry that happened. It’s true, drowning can happen so quickly. So glad he is ok!
As a mom who has walked where you walked, I say thank you for sharing your experience with others. I will also apologize as this will end up longer than it should be! We also almost lost our oldest 2 1/2 years ago. He was involved in the kind of accident you only read about and say a prayer of thanks that wasn’t your child. That day is still a blur of ambulance, helicopter, doctors and a medical vocabulary I had to learn quickly. While he suffered internal injuries and faced surgeries, we too walked away with our blessing still part of our family and a new found awareness, appreciation and responsibility for our children. I won’t tell you that you will suddenly sleep easier or relax any time soon. I won’t say that you won’t find yourself creating new “safety” rules, procedures,regulations……and see danger in places you previously thought safe. But I will tell you that our family walked away from that experience stronger, closer and more determined to make time together a priority. I would never want to go there again, but when I look back, I see God’s hand all over my son’s life and will be forever grateful.
Oh my gosh – I can’t begin to imagine what you went through that night! And I’m really grateful you shared your story and the article – I had no idea what drowning really looked like. My prayers are with both your families, and praise that everything turned out so well!
I am so glad everything turned out ok, God bless you and your family. We had a similar accident at a pool in Gatlinburg and it is like nothing else I have ever gone through. After a while you will feel less leery but the scariness of it has never left me. My heart goes out to you. Take Care.
This brought tears to my eyes. I so appreciate you sharing, we had something similar but not quite so serious happen last summer. Just like you, there are moments where it all comes rushing back, the vivid memories, the what-ifs. I’m so thankful for your family that everything has come together and you are all okay, especially your sweet boy. Thanks again for giving us all a good reminder.
I am so happy it all turned out alright. All my kids are 17 and above, but one day it may be a grandchild, so I will keep this in mind. you did the right thing posting this.
Don’t be hard on yourself. We all understand. Anyone with children knows how fast stuff like that can happen. That’s why I pray everyday for angels to help me watch my children- cause I just can’t do it all the time. No one can. So grateful yours were safe and it’s a good reminder to the rest of us. God bless you:)
I am so glad he is ok. And I am so grateful for this reminder. I have a cautious 7-year-old who is a great swimmer that I probably trust too much in the water. This is such a good wake-up call. So glad everything turned out ok. Makes me sick to even think about it.
Thank you for sharing your story. It is always a good reminder to be a little more careful and watchful.