This is the first in a series of posts about water safety. To read the post I wrote 1 1/2 years after the accident, click here. To learn more about water safety, check out this post.
I’ve literally spent the last few days agonizing about whether or not I should write this post for a number of reasons. I don’t want to make things weird between us. I feel like I’ve told this story over and over again and it feels weird to tell it again. I feel like I’m opening up a huge facet of my private life by sharing this story. I want to share information but not sound like an encyclopedia, and I want to make things personal but not have it sound like a bad Lifetime movie. So bear with me here.
I’ve gotta warn you guys that I can totally see how this can be a hard story to read, and that it might get under your skin. And I totally understand if you want to stop reading. But. I think what I have to share is important. I promise, because it’s something so intensely personal, I wouldn’t be sharing it if I didn’t think that it was important. I feel like if what I have to say can prevent even one accident like we had, it will be worth it.
I also ask that if you have something potentially unkind to say, to think really, really hard before you post it (and I subsequently delete it–just warning you now). I promise, there is nothing you can say to a parent in this situation that they haven’t already said to themselves.
Ready? Whew.
So as you guys know, Sara and I have been traveling a lot lately (and we just came back from our last trip! Woo-hoo!) We generally try to leave as late in the week as possible and come back on Sunday so we can be away from our families as little as possible, but it still takes its toll on everyone.
Last weekend, our event was in Salt Lake City and Sara had been planning on bringing her whole family. Through a series of kind of crazy and unusual circumstances (unexpected days off school, obscenely cheap airfare, unused frequent flier miles, a trip my dad and husband planned on taking together), we decided to bring our whole family as well. Sara’s and my kids completely adore each other and it was a chance for all of us to hang out for a few extra days and take a little mini vacation.
The night we got in, I was getting the kids ready for bed when Sara invited us to go swimming with them. I hadn’t brought my swimsuit and I didn’t really want to bring the baby in the water, but our kids were dying to see each other and hey, we were on a vacation. My kids have had a few summers’ worth of swimming lessons and can swim the length of the pool, so I wasn’t worried about playing around in the shallow end.
Here’s the thing. When it comes to water, bad things can happen quickly, and, unlike you see in TV and movies, those things are quiet. Here’s a fabulous article that talks about what drowning actually looks like and it’s something everyone should read and pass around to anyone who spends any time around water.
In our case, my oldest son was bouncing in an area where he could easily reach. And he did what anyone who’s spent a reasonable amount of time in a swimming pool has done–he landed where the pool started to slope. And it caught him off guard, and all it took was a gulp of water instead of air.
One of the reasons why I wanted to post this sooner rather than later was because KSL News in Salt Lake City did a story (you can read the whole thing here)Â on the teenage boy who pulled my son out of the water and I wanted to include it before the story and video are unavailable, largely because it spares me from personally having to share the harder details.
We’re not exactly sure how long he was underwater, but by piecing all the stories together and the fact that we were right there, it could have been anywhere from 1-3 minutes, but however long it was long enough to stop his heart and turn his skin blue. We really, truly could have lost him (and I thought we had).
After Greg pulled Clark out of the water, Sara’s husband gave him CPR and was able to revive him. He was rushed in an ambulance to Primary Children’s Medical Center where he spent a few hours in the ER and then was admitted to the PICU because he was having a hard time staying awake and his breathing was labored. Aside from the fact that hearing “ICU” is totally terrifying, it was really awful because I couldn’t stay with him (my husband did) because I had a nursing baby who wasnt allowed and there was no way for anyone else to feed him.
So I headed back to an empty hotel room quite literally in the middle of the night. And to say it sucked is the understatement of the century.
The next morning, he was much better and I was able to leave the baby with my husband and spend the morning with Clark in the ICU. They kept him long enough to get out of the danger zone and he left the hospital the day after the accident super tired with a cough, no appetite, and some antibiotics, but was otherwise completely fine (read: no brain damage).
In terms of facts and figures, I strongly encourage everyone to read the article I talked about earlier (and here it is again so you don’t have to go hunting for it). But I want to share, as a mom, some things to think about.
Kids aren’t as mature as we think they are. I think it’s easy to forget that bigger kids (like in the 6-10 range) are still pretty little kids, especially when you have younger kids in the mix. You’re used to relying on them to be mature and responsible, but in reality, they’re not as mature and responsible as we sometimes give them credit for. Additionally, Clark is my super-cautious rule-following kid; if I had to peg someone for a serious accident, it would have been my daughter.
Swim lessons (or floaties, or noodles, or life vests, or anything inflatable, or the presence of a lifeguard) are not a substitute for close supervision. I was there, keeping an eye on things, checking the pool, but I had a baby in my arms and friends I hadn’t seen in a long time and it had been a long day. Things literally happen in seconds and in the time it takes to run to the bathroom, have a serious phone conversation, deal with a fussy baby, listen to a child’s story, watch another kid jump off a diving board, or answer a text, it could be too late.
Supervision is not a substitute for excellent swimming skills. Like I said earlier, my kids have taken swimming lessons and Clark especially is a good little swimmer, but I think sometimes we forget that they don’t have the life experience necessary to not freak out if something catches them off guard. We’ve talked about the accident with him and told him he doesn’t need to get back in the pool tomorrow, or next week, or next month, but he does eventually need to continue with swim lessons and feeling comfortable in the pool.
Everyone should learn CPR. I don’t know what we would have done if Sara’s husband hadn’t been there that night. If I was hiring a babysitter and one of them was CPR-certified and the other one wasn’t, I’d most likely hire the CPR-certified babysitter, and yet I’ve been a mom for nearly 8 years and I haven’t had more than a brief overview of CPR a time or two as a teenager. I’m signing up for a CPR certification course ASAP so I never find myself in a situation where I couldn’t help someone who needed CPR. You can register for Red Cross classes here and even in my tiny community, there are a gazillion options available.
Don’t swim when you’re tired. My kids had been up late the night before in anticipation for our trip, then we’d been flying all day. It was an hour later for them than what the clock said and they were up way past their bedtime. Bad idea.
Don’t swim alone. That’s more for adults and teenagers, but even good, experienced swimmers can underestimate how close they are to a pool wall and hit their head or experience any number of other little accidents that normally wouldn’t be a big deal, but when you’re dealing with water, they become a big deal.
We all think it’s not going to happen to us. It’s so hard to strike a balance between being neurotic and thinking things aren’t going to happen to us; neither one is a good thing. Car accidents happen to bad drivers and water accidents happen to neglectful parents. Except that they don’t…they can happen to anyone. This accident has been a wake-up call for safety in all areas of my life, not to a point where I’m crazy, but it’s just reminded me that there are easy things I can do to make things safer: Water safety, locking doors, unplugging appliances, using car seats and boosters properly, not running the dryer when I’m not at home or while we’re sleeping, making sure our fire and carbon monoxide detectors are working properly, and ignoring the fact that my text alert has beeped 6 times in 2 minutes while I’m driving. You don’t have to live in fear, but a little caution goes a long way.
Thankfully, within 48 hours, he was nearly his old little self. Here’s a picture of Clark (the one with Perry the Platypus) and Sara’s little boy Tyler two nights after it happened.
and all the OBB kiddos (minus Baby Will)…
As for us, we’re doing fine. Clark had a little freak-out the night he was discharged from the hospital, but he seems to be handling it really well. Generally, I’m good, although I’ve been busy. Sometimes in a quiet moment, those scary images and “what if” thoughts creep into my head, and sometimes they completely blindside me when I’m out and about and they kind of take my breath away. I’m just so very grateful to all the people who happened to be there that night–Eric (Sara’s husband), Greg (the awesome teenager), Nate (who helped Eric), Sara (who kept me from completely and totally losing it and who drove me to and from the hospital a few times in the middle of the night), the nice ladies who held Will, the paramedics, ER staff, and Jen the ICU nurse who Clark is completely enamored with.
For those of you little detectives that figured out what happened after I posted last week and have sent such sweet comments, emails, thoughts, and prayers, I appreciate them so much. Thank you guys from the bottom of my heart for being such fabulous, supportive blog readers.Thank you for sticking with me through such a heavy blog post! I hope sharing our experiences will help keep your families and loved ones safe!
Questions & Reviews
So great of you to share such a difficult story to help other people remember to be safe. I think that is very noble and I’m glad to hear that your son is doing well. Thank you for having such a darling blog with yummy recipes and clever writing. I love following it and impressing my friends with your fabulous recipes! I use them all. 🙂
Over 400 comments from a bunch of people who love a woman some of us will never meet. Over 800 arms who wish we could give you a hug and tell you how much we understand. You are loved for your service, your happiness, and for the absolutely lovely-in-every-way person you are. Thank you for sharing this experience with all of your “fans”. We love your great recipes and ideas, but we really love YOU! And Sara too :).
Wow, what a traumatic experience for all of you! Thank you for sharing your story, Kate. This reminds me once again the importance of swimming lessons for kids of all ages. It is such a disservice when parents do not teach their children water safety. I’m relieved that your sweet Clark is back to his old self. Angels were watching over him and his rescuer that night. Blessings to you all!
I am so glad that you all are well. Thank you for sharing the story and helping other families. May the outpouring of love you are receiving affirm your choice to share this situation. None of us are perfect and accidents truly happen. Please give yourself grace and know you are a loving and caring mother. I am praying for your family.
I think this is very valuable and while I am so sorry this happened, I am so grateful that everything is okay and that you did decide to share this. We are planning a hotel/swim trip in the next few weeks and I am better for these reminders. And as a mom of young kids that nagging reminder to be up on CPR seems a lot more pressing. 😉
Thank you for your post!! I can’t imagine what you were feeling and still are!! This post will save lives! We all need to be reminded that just because kids can swim accidents happen such as swallowing too much water! There is also an at home CPR kits the American Red cross puts out with a adult and child dummy to practice on and a video to watch. I have used them for family home evenings.
I am so thankful that he is ok. Thank you for sharing your story. I really think it can happen to anyone. I have seen my 2 year old sink with me being right in front of him. It’s a very scary feeling. My heart goes out to the two of you (you and your hubby) for it is an unimaginable, terrifying experience. We are putting a pool in our backyard right now and it’s a great reminder to always be cautious, especially with those older ones. Thank you for sharing.
What a wonderful, educational post! You are so brave to share your terrifying, personal experience. Your list of things to think about and learn will most certainly help me and I’m quite certain millions of others too. I’m so glad your experience has a happy ending! I’ve been a silent, but faithful follower of your blog for a long time and discovered you on my own. It turns out that we have some mutual friends as I live in the area you once did. 🙂 All of us Moms have had (or will have…) scary things happen. I would hope that the circle of moms would never judge each other. We’ve all had stuff. We all learn. Thanks to you for sharing. Now I’m off to make one of your delicious salad recipes!
That’s crazy! Where do you live? You can email/message me…that would be less weird. 🙂
Kate – Thank you for sharing. This breaks my heart and warms it at the same time. I can’t even imagine feeling what you must have felt for just one second. I’m so very thankful that things worked out well and everyone is just fine. God certainly must have had his eye on you and your son that day. My 2.5 year old son is in swim class, and I was considering not re-signing up for the next term because he is not enjoying himself, but this post made my mind up – he’s staying in, for sure.
As I started reading this post I was having anxiety. When I was 3 I was a near drowning at our local pool here in Arizona. A teenager pulled me out, not the adult that took me swimming or any of the lifeguards that were paid to do just that. My other 3 year old cousin tried to save me and was also pulled out. She was fine on the spot, but they did have to do CPR and revive me. I was rushed in an ambulance to the hospital where I stayed over night. I was young but still have serious fears about water. There were so many miracles that happened in my family during that time. I wont go into details about that here but I am so thankful that everything worked out okay and that you still have your son. Now being a mother I can only begin to comprehend what my mother must have gone through. She did say that for weeks I would tell her the story over and over again. Years later I started having nightmares and didn’t know what they were but my mom recognized them as the same experience.
Glad to hear that everything ended up okay! Hopefully Clark will become comfortable and confident in the water again soon. I was a lifeguard for many years, and it is scary how fast these things can happen.
All the best to Clark, you, and your family.
I really appreciate you posting that, it can’t have been easy, but I feel so strongly that it’s important to learn from others experiences and I can so easily see that happening to my 8 year old daughter. I would assume the same things of her. Thanks for posting and I’m glad you little guys okay!
I read the story on KSL, but had no idea it was your son. I was so touched when the teenager said, “I felt like I should go swimming.” It was no accident the teenager was there to save your son. And it is no accident that your son is alive and healthy. God puts people in our lives when we need them. This story is a beautiful reminder of that fact.
So thankful he is OK. As a pool owner, I sometimes think my kids can swim better than they might be able to, this is a great reminder that you just never know. Take care!!
Oh my gosh, Kate, that is terrifying. I’m so glad Clark is okay! And no criticism from me. Thank goodness he is fine now.
Not a fun experience at all!
Years ago, while attending a branch swimming social I watched a little 4 year old – who swam like a FISH nearly drown. I called to her mom and she dove in and got her. Two interesting things about that were this: The child was an ARMS-LENGTH from the EDGE of the pool and the child’s mother, a well-respected COLLEGE WATER SAFETY INSTRUCTOR (and a VERY attentive mother), was standing 5 feet from her! There were about 30 adults there and no one realized she was in trouble. Mom was talking and just glanced away for not more than 30 seconds. The child, whom as I said swam like a fish, got tired but was still trying to make it to THE END OF THE POOL! It seems that a lot of kids, when they are taught to swim, are taught to go to the END of the pool. All the child had to do to reach safety was reach an arm out and grab the side of the pool, but didn’t know to do it and started to flounder (quietly!) and went under a couple of times, surfacing and trying to get to the end of the pool.
So if you child(ren) have had swimming lessons, make SURE they know that it’s OK to grab the SIDE of the pool if they feel tired. And then have them practice it. As I said, they’re usually drilled to swim to the END of the pool. I (a former medic/paramedic), didn’t realize how much trouble she was in for several seconds and almost WATCHED her drown!
Please don’t beat yourself up over this. If a 20-year WSI can have a child almost drown, it can happen to anyone.
Glad every one is ok.
Kate,
First thing I have to say is I am SO glad your little boy is okay and is doing well. So sorry that this happened to you but thankful that teenage boy acted quickly to get your son out of the water. Thanks for sharing this story because it is a total eye opener that our little ones are so fragile and a accident like that can happen in a split second. Prayers for your family! Take care of yourself!!
Thanks for posting your story. Thank goodness it has a happy ending. As our family has a pool, all reminders of safety are appreciated. Lots of love to all of you 🙂
Thank you so much for sharing this story, if nothing else but what an important reminder that we need to always be on alert and prepared. My heart broke for you reading this story and could not help but cry just imagining the fear you must have felt. So relieved about the positive outcome of it all. Best wishes to your entire family.
Thanks for sharing and reminding us of God’s everyday miracles. I still remember the day my son fell out of my car as I was driving because his door was not shut all the way and as I was in a rush to buckle his baby sister I did not double check his buckle and door. How he survived I’ll never know but I believe angels were with me that day. I think as Mother’s we like to think we’re Super heroes and would never let anything terrible happen under our watch, but we must remember we’re still human and have to forgive ourselves for not being able to prevent and protect at every moment. Hopefully your experience will bring more awareness to all young moms out there!
Thank you for sharing your experience. A wonderful reminder to everyone, I am so happy that your little son is fine.
Oh my goodness, this made me cry! I’m SO glad your son is ok! And I appreciate your sharing the story, it’s a good wake up call for me….I definitely have not paid enough attention to my oldest (7 years old) when he swims lately.
Kate, Thank you for sharing your story. We had a near drowning experience a few summers ago with our son as well. It definitely shakes you to your core. So happy that your son is well and safe. Thank you for your thoughts and reminding us mommies how we can be better prepared.
Oh my goodness. What a scary situation. Praise God he’s doing well. Praying for all of you!
When I was 16 and juggling 6-8 3 year olds in a swimming class with no problem on a daily basis, I didn’t understand how it could be so hard for parents to keep an eye on their own kids. Now I understand how exhaustion can build up and how we sometimes trust our own kids more than we should.
What I still don’t understand, however, is parents who leave their kids alone at open swim (not accusing anyone here of it, just a huge pet peeve of mine). Yes, there’s a lifeguard there, but they are not responsible for your kid unless they are hurt somehow, they don’t know your kid by name, and they don’t know who their parents are. If, as a lifeguard, I counted 30 heads and then counted 29, I would scan the bottom of the pool, check the hot tub and sauna and then assume the 30th had decided to go home. It’s not the lifeguard’s job to know where they went or who they went with. It’s also not fair to ask the person who is making sure 30+ people don’t drown to stop your kids from drowning each other when they have an argument and there’s no one there to mediate.
Thank you so much for sharing! I am so sorry this happened and so thankful he is ok. Prying for peace that passes all understanding for your heart and your mind!
I am so glad your son is fine. Having raised three to adulthood, I remember those times when I realized that only God’s angels kept real tragedy from happening to us. God Bless those who where there to help and God Bless you and your family. 🙂
Every single time I think about your story and your sweet boy tears well up in my eyes. I sent this post to my hubby and some friends because your message is so important. I’m sending you and your family lots of love. Blessings and hugs to you.
Thank you, Rebecca!
I was thinking about this the other day for some reason. I’ve though that I needed to take a CPR course for a while, but seeing this story really made it hit home!! I am glad that your baby is safe, and everyone is recovering! Best wishes!
Kate, I can’t imagine going through this- I’m so sorry! I’m glad that you experienced the best possible outcome. I’m not a mother but I adore my friends children and am around them frequently. It’s amazing how such a simple mistake/move can have such dramatic turns. I’m happy that you are all doing well now and am really very appreciative that you shared this story. I am signing up for CPR and a refresher first aid course following this post. Take care!