This is the first in a series of posts about water safety. To read the post I wrote 1 1/2 years after the accident, click here. To learn more about water safety, check out this post.
I’ve literally spent the last few days agonizing about whether or not I should write this post for a number of reasons. I don’t want to make things weird between us. I feel like I’ve told this story over and over again and it feels weird to tell it again. I feel like I’m opening up a huge facet of my private life by sharing this story. I want to share information but not sound like an encyclopedia, and I want to make things personal but not have it sound like a bad Lifetime movie. So bear with me here.
I’ve gotta warn you guys that I can totally see how this can be a hard story to read, and that it might get under your skin. And I totally understand if you want to stop reading. But. I think what I have to share is important. I promise, because it’s something so intensely personal, I wouldn’t be sharing it if I didn’t think that it was important. I feel like if what I have to say can prevent even one accident like we had, it will be worth it.
I also ask that if you have something potentially unkind to say, to think really, really hard before you post it (and I subsequently delete it–just warning you now). I promise, there is nothing you can say to a parent in this situation that they haven’t already said to themselves.
Ready? Whew.
So as you guys know, Sara and I have been traveling a lot lately (and we just came back from our last trip! Woo-hoo!) We generally try to leave as late in the week as possible and come back on Sunday so we can be away from our families as little as possible, but it still takes its toll on everyone.
Last weekend, our event was in Salt Lake City and Sara had been planning on bringing her whole family. Through a series of kind of crazy and unusual circumstances (unexpected days off school, obscenely cheap airfare, unused frequent flier miles, a trip my dad and husband planned on taking together), we decided to bring our whole family as well. Sara’s and my kids completely adore each other and it was a chance for all of us to hang out for a few extra days and take a little mini vacation.
The night we got in, I was getting the kids ready for bed when Sara invited us to go swimming with them. I hadn’t brought my swimsuit and I didn’t really want to bring the baby in the water, but our kids were dying to see each other and hey, we were on a vacation. My kids have had a few summers’ worth of swimming lessons and can swim the length of the pool, so I wasn’t worried about playing around in the shallow end.
Here’s the thing. When it comes to water, bad things can happen quickly, and, unlike you see in TV and movies, those things are quiet. Here’s a fabulous article that talks about what drowning actually looks like and it’s something everyone should read and pass around to anyone who spends any time around water.
In our case, my oldest son was bouncing in an area where he could easily reach. And he did what anyone who’s spent a reasonable amount of time in a swimming pool has done–he landed where the pool started to slope. And it caught him off guard, and all it took was a gulp of water instead of air.
One of the reasons why I wanted to post this sooner rather than later was because KSL News in Salt Lake City did a story (you can read the whole thing here)Â on the teenage boy who pulled my son out of the water and I wanted to include it before the story and video are unavailable, largely because it spares me from personally having to share the harder details.
We’re not exactly sure how long he was underwater, but by piecing all the stories together and the fact that we were right there, it could have been anywhere from 1-3 minutes, but however long it was long enough to stop his heart and turn his skin blue. We really, truly could have lost him (and I thought we had).
After Greg pulled Clark out of the water, Sara’s husband gave him CPR and was able to revive him. He was rushed in an ambulance to Primary Children’s Medical Center where he spent a few hours in the ER and then was admitted to the PICU because he was having a hard time staying awake and his breathing was labored. Aside from the fact that hearing “ICU” is totally terrifying, it was really awful because I couldn’t stay with him (my husband did) because I had a nursing baby who wasnt allowed and there was no way for anyone else to feed him.
So I headed back to an empty hotel room quite literally in the middle of the night. And to say it sucked is the understatement of the century.
The next morning, he was much better and I was able to leave the baby with my husband and spend the morning with Clark in the ICU. They kept him long enough to get out of the danger zone and he left the hospital the day after the accident super tired with a cough, no appetite, and some antibiotics, but was otherwise completely fine (read: no brain damage).
In terms of facts and figures, I strongly encourage everyone to read the article I talked about earlier (and here it is again so you don’t have to go hunting for it). But I want to share, as a mom, some things to think about.
Kids aren’t as mature as we think they are. I think it’s easy to forget that bigger kids (like in the 6-10 range) are still pretty little kids, especially when you have younger kids in the mix. You’re used to relying on them to be mature and responsible, but in reality, they’re not as mature and responsible as we sometimes give them credit for. Additionally, Clark is my super-cautious rule-following kid; if I had to peg someone for a serious accident, it would have been my daughter.
Swim lessons (or floaties, or noodles, or life vests, or anything inflatable, or the presence of a lifeguard) are not a substitute for close supervision. I was there, keeping an eye on things, checking the pool, but I had a baby in my arms and friends I hadn’t seen in a long time and it had been a long day. Things literally happen in seconds and in the time it takes to run to the bathroom, have a serious phone conversation, deal with a fussy baby, listen to a child’s story, watch another kid jump off a diving board, or answer a text, it could be too late.
Supervision is not a substitute for excellent swimming skills. Like I said earlier, my kids have taken swimming lessons and Clark especially is a good little swimmer, but I think sometimes we forget that they don’t have the life experience necessary to not freak out if something catches them off guard. We’ve talked about the accident with him and told him he doesn’t need to get back in the pool tomorrow, or next week, or next month, but he does eventually need to continue with swim lessons and feeling comfortable in the pool.
Everyone should learn CPR. I don’t know what we would have done if Sara’s husband hadn’t been there that night. If I was hiring a babysitter and one of them was CPR-certified and the other one wasn’t, I’d most likely hire the CPR-certified babysitter, and yet I’ve been a mom for nearly 8 years and I haven’t had more than a brief overview of CPR a time or two as a teenager. I’m signing up for a CPR certification course ASAP so I never find myself in a situation where I couldn’t help someone who needed CPR. You can register for Red Cross classes here and even in my tiny community, there are a gazillion options available.
Don’t swim when you’re tired. My kids had been up late the night before in anticipation for our trip, then we’d been flying all day. It was an hour later for them than what the clock said and they were up way past their bedtime. Bad idea.
Don’t swim alone. That’s more for adults and teenagers, but even good, experienced swimmers can underestimate how close they are to a pool wall and hit their head or experience any number of other little accidents that normally wouldn’t be a big deal, but when you’re dealing with water, they become a big deal.
We all think it’s not going to happen to us. It’s so hard to strike a balance between being neurotic and thinking things aren’t going to happen to us; neither one is a good thing. Car accidents happen to bad drivers and water accidents happen to neglectful parents. Except that they don’t…they can happen to anyone. This accident has been a wake-up call for safety in all areas of my life, not to a point where I’m crazy, but it’s just reminded me that there are easy things I can do to make things safer: Water safety, locking doors, unplugging appliances, using car seats and boosters properly, not running the dryer when I’m not at home or while we’re sleeping, making sure our fire and carbon monoxide detectors are working properly, and ignoring the fact that my text alert has beeped 6 times in 2 minutes while I’m driving. You don’t have to live in fear, but a little caution goes a long way.
Thankfully, within 48 hours, he was nearly his old little self. Here’s a picture of Clark (the one with Perry the Platypus) and Sara’s little boy Tyler two nights after it happened.
and all the OBB kiddos (minus Baby Will)…
As for us, we’re doing fine. Clark had a little freak-out the night he was discharged from the hospital, but he seems to be handling it really well. Generally, I’m good, although I’ve been busy. Sometimes in a quiet moment, those scary images and “what if” thoughts creep into my head, and sometimes they completely blindside me when I’m out and about and they kind of take my breath away. I’m just so very grateful to all the people who happened to be there that night–Eric (Sara’s husband), Greg (the awesome teenager), Nate (who helped Eric), Sara (who kept me from completely and totally losing it and who drove me to and from the hospital a few times in the middle of the night), the nice ladies who held Will, the paramedics, ER staff, and Jen the ICU nurse who Clark is completely enamored with.
For those of you little detectives that figured out what happened after I posted last week and have sent such sweet comments, emails, thoughts, and prayers, I appreciate them so much. Thank you guys from the bottom of my heart for being such fabulous, supportive blog readers.Thank you for sticking with me through such a heavy blog post! I hope sharing our experiences will help keep your families and loved ones safe!
Questions & Reviews
Kate, I’m SO glad it all worked out as it did and Clark is alright. I still have goosebumps from reading what you wrote. I have great admiration for your willingness to share something so personal and so scary with all of us. You’re right: accidents can (and do) happen to anyone. I have a seven-year-old who, like Clark, is also quite a good swimmer. Your story has reminded me in a very real and meaningful way, how she IS still little and quite inexperienced in swimming – and in lots of life. I am so glad you had people there to help you. And, like you, I need to learn how to perform CPR, too. Thank you very, very much for sharing. You, Clark and your family will be in my prayers.
So glad to hear things turned out well! I hope your son doesnt have a fear of water and that he continues to love swimming his whole life!!
Thanks for sharing this super scary experience. I’m so glad it all turned out well and appreciate the reminder. (((hugs)))
This story sends chills through my body. I am happy and relieved to hear that your son is doing well. Sometimes I wish we could put our kids in a “bubble” and never let anything happen to them.
I am so sorry you had to go through this! I have been a swim teacher for 35 years, and I know how accidents can happen in seconds. You are doing all the right things, so I’m sure he will re-gain his confidence in the water! Be kind to yourself!
I am sorry that you went through that but appreciate you sharing your story for others to learn from. The tips you shared are terrific and may very well save a life. I nearly lost my daughter to drowning nine years ago and I still replay that day in my mind over and over. I am ever grateful that my daughter is still here today because of someone else’s quick thinking.
Thanks for sharing your experience, Kate. You are a brave woman to put it out there for everyone to read. I’m glad everything turned out ok. You’ve given me a good reminder to get CPR certified, which I think about ALL the time but haven’t done yet (I’m a mom of 3), and also to STOP answering my cell phone while I’m driving. I also love reading what and how you write. I’ve never met you, but I feel like I can really “hear” you through your words. Thanks again. 🙂
I am so glad you decided to share this! Though I am sure it must’ve been painful for you to do, you are doing a wonderful and selfless thing by sharing your story and raising awareness about water safety. I work as a lifeguard at a busy water park, and we have an average of three saves a day! Far too many people assume that water isn’t dangerous and are not properly educated about water safety. So many lives could be saved if more people knew how easy it is to drown, and how difficult it is to recognize the signs of drowning. Hopefully, sharing your story will encourage others to become educated on water safety and prevent future drownings. Thank you so much for sharing!
Thanks for sharing your story. I hope that it gives us all a wwake up call. We can never be too careful. You did what all of us have done for a moment and in that moment the worst happened. Thank God Clark is well. We all have the opportunity to digest what happened to you and your family and try to learn a lesson. Hugs to you all!
I am so grateful that your son is alive and survived the accident with no brain damage. Thank you as well for sharing your story for all parents and grandparents. God bless both families.
What a wonderful article. The Lord was watching out for your family that day. Drownings happen so easily and I have always said that as much as I love swimming lessons for kids, it is important to realize that is gives a false sense of security to parents. My son almost drowned when he was 3 and he was standing right next to his dad. We were at the beach, and my husband was blowing up a float, standing in the water. My son was right at his knee and Jess (my husb) thought he was fine. I was on a hill and saw a small wave knock Spencer over. I am waving and jumping and yelling at Jess and he looks down and sees Spencer under water. Luckily no damage. But it was an eye opener.
I am feeling very inspired to take CPR. Thanks for sharing.
I have goosebumps…this is one of my worst nightmares and am so glad that your little man is doing well–so so happy.
So very scary! But so glad he is ok.
Moments like these happen to us all and when we least expect it. So glad it all turned out well. Thank you for sharing this cautionary tale and making me think about keeping my little ones safe today. I’ll hug all of mine a little closer too.
Kate, thanks for your post and the article! My 2 year-old almost drowned once, right under my nose!!! Angels were watching! I’m glad he’s ok. You’re a great mom, love ya!!!
I really appreciate you posting this. I often keep less of a watchful eye on my oldest, because I think she is the big one and can take care of herself, when in reality she is only 5!! She is still such a baby and this was a good reminder of how quickly things can go wrong. I am sure this was hard to write and experience, but I think it will be an important reminder to all who read it. It was for me!
So grateful all is well in your family, and for the miracles that made it happen.
Kate- Thank you so much for this post. Just this past summer our 3, almost 4 year old, got comfortable enough at the lake to begin playing out past our pier and with the other kids his age. He usually has a life jacket on, but once, just once, he went back in the water without it. We told him to stay close to the shore and not go past a certain marker on the dock. Eventually, he just lost track of that marker, and that’s when our horror took place as well. I was sitting on the bank with our newborn in my hands when I saw him just start to sink. It was the most terrifying, silent moment of my life. As I type this now, and as I read your post I started bawling all over again. All I could do was scream my husband’s name, and luckily he and another guy who were lightning quick were able to get to him in time. I will never forget seeing his head disappear under that brown water, bob back up slightly, and see the terror in his eyes. I was so close to loosing my baby. Thank you so much for sharing this. I’ve been so ashamed and embarrassed by the whole event that I haven’t said anything to anyone before this. I posted your article that you shared on my Pinterest hoping that many of my momma friends saw it and read it. It’s amazing how I thought the same thing about the visualization of drowning, but now, fortunately and unfortunately I know better. Thank you for sharing. Seriously, thank you.- Sara (from North Carolina)
Oh, my goodness, Sara, thanks so much for sharing your story. I think there IS so much shame associated with stories like these, but they’re so traumatic that they just end up haunting you. I’m so glad your little guy is okay!
I agree with post #1 – every parent has done things which could have turned out bad (and sometimes do). But we are all human. I am so glad you wrote this (and it is written very well) and that your son is ok.
I’m so thankful that your son is okay! I cannot imagine the terror you endured in this experience. And I am so thankful for the young man who was there because of a prompting!!! Hugs to you and your family and prayers!
Kate, I’m so sorry you had to go through that. Anyone who would judge you for that experience clearly isn’t a parent (or is a parent who hires someone to parent their kids for them). Glad all turned out well.
I read this post a few days ago and have had you on my mind ever since. As both a mom and a therapist, my heart goes out to you. I can only imagine how awful it would be to see of my own sweet babes in a similar situation. There really are no words… a mom’s worst nightmare. The therapist part of me has thought about you personally and the difficult emotional path you’ve walked (and may still be walking). I hope the kind words from your readers have brought you some comfort and support. Thanks for your bravery is sharing such a personal part of yourself and your life. I’m sure your are hugging your sweet boy extra tight these days. I’m so glad your prayers for Clark were answered.
kate,
I’m so glad your little boy is OK. Accidents can happen so fast and that doesn’t matter if they’re in a pool, falling down the stairs or choking on a bite they forgot to chew up. Thanks to God and all the wonderful people he put in your life to make sure everyhting turned out well!! I can’t imagine how horrible that must have been for your whole family. So glad all is well so you can focus on having fun and loving them. (and maybe a little cooking. 🙂
It happened to me. Thankfully we had a happy ending, too. But I left my baby in the baby pool at the beginning of this summer. She was in a floaty and I had our babysitter with us. Unfortunately, 12 year-old babysitters don’t have the same understanding that babies can slip out of their floaties. She walked away from the baby as well, thinking she was completely safe in a floaty. HUGE LESSON LEARNED and I’m thankful Heavenly Father was so kind and gave us all another chance to be together.
It happens to the best of us. I’m so grateful you had a good outcome. This morning in my prayers I had this sudden realization that the Lord really, truly knows the desires of our heart. He knows you’re a good and loving mom. Take solace in that, and don’t beat yourself up (like I did), or waste hours not sleeping (like I did). It happened, it’s over. Lesson learned and move on. You’re a good mom and THAT’S what matters.
I think you just may save a child’s life by posting your experience and raising awareness. It could happen to ANYONE. Thank you for posting this.
I’m so sorry, what a terrifying moment for your family! I was there will a friend when her 18 month old son fell in a subdivision’s water feature, that was adjoining a park, without our knowledge. We found him floating in the water. It was a truly horrific experience. He ended up being just fine, we really believe he was blessed by angels. So I totally understand how quickly and unexpectedly things like this happen, so don’t take blame on yourself. But thank you for the reminded to be prepared, there’s always more I can do on that front. I hope your family heals emotionally from the experience!
Thank you so much for posting your story. We have 3 children and an inground pool. I can’t confidently say I would feel comfortable doing CPR correctly since it has been so long since I took a course. It is now my goal to take a CPR course before next summer. These types of accidents with kids truly only take seconds, but please try to give yourself grace and forgive yourself. You’re a very good mom and by sharing your difficult ordeal you may be saving many children’s lives. I’m so glad your sweet son is okay. Take care and God Bless!
So sad to hear about this. As a mother, I can only imagine what you and your husband went through (and the others there too witnessing it). So glad he is safe and sharing your experience with others to take heed is not a bad thing. (((HUGS)))
Like others, I am tearing up at work. Thanks so much for reminding us that even thought our kids are “growing up”, we still need to watch them closely! I am so glad your son is ok and I can not imagine the panic your heart must have felt. God Bless!