This is the first in a series of posts about water safety. To read the post I wrote 1 1/2 years after the accident, click here. To learn more about water safety, check out this post.
I’ve literally spent the last few days agonizing about whether or not I should write this post for a number of reasons. I don’t want to make things weird between us. I feel like I’ve told this story over and over again and it feels weird to tell it again. I feel like I’m opening up a huge facet of my private life by sharing this story. I want to share information but not sound like an encyclopedia, and I want to make things personal but not have it sound like a bad Lifetime movie. So bear with me here.
I’ve gotta warn you guys that I can totally see how this can be a hard story to read, and that it might get under your skin. And I totally understand if you want to stop reading. But. I think what I have to share is important. I promise, because it’s something so intensely personal, I wouldn’t be sharing it if I didn’t think that it was important. I feel like if what I have to say can prevent even one accident like we had, it will be worth it.
I also ask that if you have something potentially unkind to say, to think really, really hard before you post it (and I subsequently delete it–just warning you now). I promise, there is nothing you can say to a parent in this situation that they haven’t already said to themselves.
Ready? Whew.
So as you guys know, Sara and I have been traveling a lot lately (and we just came back from our last trip! Woo-hoo!) We generally try to leave as late in the week as possible and come back on Sunday so we can be away from our families as little as possible, but it still takes its toll on everyone.
Last weekend, our event was in Salt Lake City and Sara had been planning on bringing her whole family. Through a series of kind of crazy and unusual circumstances (unexpected days off school, obscenely cheap airfare, unused frequent flier miles, a trip my dad and husband planned on taking together), we decided to bring our whole family as well. Sara’s and my kids completely adore each other and it was a chance for all of us to hang out for a few extra days and take a little mini vacation.
The night we got in, I was getting the kids ready for bed when Sara invited us to go swimming with them. I hadn’t brought my swimsuit and I didn’t really want to bring the baby in the water, but our kids were dying to see each other and hey, we were on a vacation. My kids have had a few summers’ worth of swimming lessons and can swim the length of the pool, so I wasn’t worried about playing around in the shallow end.
Here’s the thing. When it comes to water, bad things can happen quickly, and, unlike you see in TV and movies, those things are quiet. Here’s a fabulous article that talks about what drowning actually looks like and it’s something everyone should read and pass around to anyone who spends any time around water.
In our case, my oldest son was bouncing in an area where he could easily reach. And he did what anyone who’s spent a reasonable amount of time in a swimming pool has done–he landed where the pool started to slope. And it caught him off guard, and all it took was a gulp of water instead of air.
One of the reasons why I wanted to post this sooner rather than later was because KSL News in Salt Lake City did a story (you can read the whole thing here)Â on the teenage boy who pulled my son out of the water and I wanted to include it before the story and video are unavailable, largely because it spares me from personally having to share the harder details.
We’re not exactly sure how long he was underwater, but by piecing all the stories together and the fact that we were right there, it could have been anywhere from 1-3 minutes, but however long it was long enough to stop his heart and turn his skin blue. We really, truly could have lost him (and I thought we had).
After Greg pulled Clark out of the water, Sara’s husband gave him CPR and was able to revive him. He was rushed in an ambulance to Primary Children’s Medical Center where he spent a few hours in the ER and then was admitted to the PICU because he was having a hard time staying awake and his breathing was labored. Aside from the fact that hearing “ICU” is totally terrifying, it was really awful because I couldn’t stay with him (my husband did) because I had a nursing baby who wasnt allowed and there was no way for anyone else to feed him.
So I headed back to an empty hotel room quite literally in the middle of the night. And to say it sucked is the understatement of the century.
The next morning, he was much better and I was able to leave the baby with my husband and spend the morning with Clark in the ICU. They kept him long enough to get out of the danger zone and he left the hospital the day after the accident super tired with a cough, no appetite, and some antibiotics, but was otherwise completely fine (read: no brain damage).
In terms of facts and figures, I strongly encourage everyone to read the article I talked about earlier (and here it is again so you don’t have to go hunting for it). But I want to share, as a mom, some things to think about.
Kids aren’t as mature as we think they are. I think it’s easy to forget that bigger kids (like in the 6-10 range) are still pretty little kids, especially when you have younger kids in the mix. You’re used to relying on them to be mature and responsible, but in reality, they’re not as mature and responsible as we sometimes give them credit for. Additionally, Clark is my super-cautious rule-following kid; if I had to peg someone for a serious accident, it would have been my daughter.
Swim lessons (or floaties, or noodles, or life vests, or anything inflatable, or the presence of a lifeguard) are not a substitute for close supervision. I was there, keeping an eye on things, checking the pool, but I had a baby in my arms and friends I hadn’t seen in a long time and it had been a long day. Things literally happen in seconds and in the time it takes to run to the bathroom, have a serious phone conversation, deal with a fussy baby, listen to a child’s story, watch another kid jump off a diving board, or answer a text, it could be too late.
Supervision is not a substitute for excellent swimming skills. Like I said earlier, my kids have taken swimming lessons and Clark especially is a good little swimmer, but I think sometimes we forget that they don’t have the life experience necessary to not freak out if something catches them off guard. We’ve talked about the accident with him and told him he doesn’t need to get back in the pool tomorrow, or next week, or next month, but he does eventually need to continue with swim lessons and feeling comfortable in the pool.
Everyone should learn CPR. I don’t know what we would have done if Sara’s husband hadn’t been there that night. If I was hiring a babysitter and one of them was CPR-certified and the other one wasn’t, I’d most likely hire the CPR-certified babysitter, and yet I’ve been a mom for nearly 8 years and I haven’t had more than a brief overview of CPR a time or two as a teenager. I’m signing up for a CPR certification course ASAP so I never find myself in a situation where I couldn’t help someone who needed CPR. You can register for Red Cross classes here and even in my tiny community, there are a gazillion options available.
Don’t swim when you’re tired. My kids had been up late the night before in anticipation for our trip, then we’d been flying all day. It was an hour later for them than what the clock said and they were up way past their bedtime. Bad idea.
Don’t swim alone. That’s more for adults and teenagers, but even good, experienced swimmers can underestimate how close they are to a pool wall and hit their head or experience any number of other little accidents that normally wouldn’t be a big deal, but when you’re dealing with water, they become a big deal.
We all think it’s not going to happen to us. It’s so hard to strike a balance between being neurotic and thinking things aren’t going to happen to us; neither one is a good thing. Car accidents happen to bad drivers and water accidents happen to neglectful parents. Except that they don’t…they can happen to anyone. This accident has been a wake-up call for safety in all areas of my life, not to a point where I’m crazy, but it’s just reminded me that there are easy things I can do to make things safer: Water safety, locking doors, unplugging appliances, using car seats and boosters properly, not running the dryer when I’m not at home or while we’re sleeping, making sure our fire and carbon monoxide detectors are working properly, and ignoring the fact that my text alert has beeped 6 times in 2 minutes while I’m driving. You don’t have to live in fear, but a little caution goes a long way.
Thankfully, within 48 hours, he was nearly his old little self. Here’s a picture of Clark (the one with Perry the Platypus) and Sara’s little boy Tyler two nights after it happened.
and all the OBB kiddos (minus Baby Will)…
As for us, we’re doing fine. Clark had a little freak-out the night he was discharged from the hospital, but he seems to be handling it really well. Generally, I’m good, although I’ve been busy. Sometimes in a quiet moment, those scary images and “what if” thoughts creep into my head, and sometimes they completely blindside me when I’m out and about and they kind of take my breath away. I’m just so very grateful to all the people who happened to be there that night–Eric (Sara’s husband), Greg (the awesome teenager), Nate (who helped Eric), Sara (who kept me from completely and totally losing it and who drove me to and from the hospital a few times in the middle of the night), the nice ladies who held Will, the paramedics, ER staff, and Jen the ICU nurse who Clark is completely enamored with.
For those of you little detectives that figured out what happened after I posted last week and have sent such sweet comments, emails, thoughts, and prayers, I appreciate them so much. Thank you guys from the bottom of my heart for being such fabulous, supportive blog readers.Thank you for sticking with me through such a heavy blog post! I hope sharing our experiences will help keep your families and loved ones safe!
Questions & Reviews
So grateful your little guy is safe. I love those tender mercies from caring and skilled people.
Thank you for sharing your miracle with us and your helpful tips!
Kate, so sorry that you had to go through this. I was in PHX for your book signing and TOFW, and I think you are a great Mom, and you really inspired me.
Thank you for sharing your story and sharing that article. I think most people don’t understand how QUIET drowning is. My husband and I learned this when we used to take our toddler daughter swimming in our (unheated) hot tub. We’d be sitting there in the water with her and she’d be splashing and bouncing around on our laps. Even with us right there, there were a couple times when she’d slip off a lap and go under the water and I vividly remember thinking “oh my god, it happens so quietly.” We could grab her immediately, of course, but it gave me nightmares about how easily a kid could slip out of the house and drown in the space of a few minutes and there would be no warning. Still gives me chills thinking about it!
I’m so glad your son is okay! It’s an important reminder for us all to be more diligent because this can surely happen to anyone. HUGS!
Thanks so much for sharing! We could all use the reminders. I’m so grateful your son is ok!
How scary! I can’t imagine anyone would be critical of you in this situation. Accidents honestly happen. So glad he is okay!
Thank you so much for sharing your experience! All of us moms need a reminder of how dangerous water is ALL of the time. That article on what drowning really looks like is so informative – I didn’t really know what drowning is like in real life. I think it’s so important for all of us to be CPR certified too. I’m so glad your son is okay, and that you have a wonderful outlet to share your experience!
This was a tearjerker for me! I’m so glad he is ok and hope there is nothing residual – rather it be respiratory or fear of water!
Woo hoo for the brave teenager who stepped it up and did a miraculous deed! All the best to each of you!
How absolutely terrifying! I’m so very sorry that you had to go through that. And your poor little guy too! I’m all choked up reading this. Just losing sight of one of my children in the store makes my heart stop. I can’t imagine the agony you felt. But thank you for sharing the experience. You may have saved another child by reminding us of something so important that we often think could never happen to us.
Thanks for sharing. Accidents can happen to anyone. What a blessing for your family that everything turned out ok. I also feel like I need to learn CPR because I don’t ever want to be in a situation where I couldn’t help because I didn’t have the knowledge. Thanks for some incentive to look into it and get registered for a class.
oh mercy i’m crying. so glad he’s ok and thankful for that observant teenager who helped. thank you for sharing your story. as a result, i know i will be a lot more cautious with my kindergartener when we go to the beach in a few weeks.
I’m SOOO very happy that this story has a happy ending! Thanks for the wake up call…I know I could be more cautious with my boy and thanks to your post I will. I can’t imagine how scary that was for you and Clark. My thoughts are with you guys!
Thank you for sharing, Kate. I live in Utah and was touched last week when I heard the story of the high school hero. But now that I realize I “know” the family it happened to, it becomes so much more real and personal. Thank you for the reminder that we all need to be diligent because accidents really can happen to any of us. May you feel lots of love and comfort come your way!
if i was near you, i would give you a big hug. what a terrifying experience. i am so relieved your son is okay. !!!! if anyone sends harsh words your way – screw them. you are so obviously a wonderful wife/mom/sister/friend. take care and God bless you and your sweet family. 🙂
That sounds unbelievably terrifying, and I’m so glad Clark is okay. My niece actually choked on Saturday with three adults around her (she’s okay; my sister reacted amazingly quickly and calmly), so I know all too well that these things can happen to anyone at anytime. Thank you for sharing this information, from a non-mom.
Thank you for your post. It must have been awful to have to write, but is such an excellent reminder for all of us. Especially me, since I am always right next to my son (who has a seizure disorder) and not really by my daughter…this sort of thing could have happened to any child and any parent, so please don’t beat yourself up about it. Let it go knowing that your experience is helping all of your readers be more aware. And for those of you who won’t go to the hassle of taking a formal CPR class, at least learn how to do chest compressions to the BeeGee’s Stayin’ Alive song! Those are more important than worrying about how to get them oxygen right away.
You are a good Mom. Another hug from one mom to another.
Thank you so much for sharing this, even though it was hard. This information saves lives. I have a 6 year old who sounds like your son, she never ever breaks the rules and she is an excellent swimmer, but it really struck me when you said,”they don’t have the life experience necessary to not freak out if something catches them off guard.” That is so true. No matter how good of swimmers they may be, they are not adults. Thank you so much for the reminder, I know I will be more vigilant now.
Hugs from one mom to another!
Kate- You are brave and strong and really wise to share this information. My heart completely goes out to you for having faced such a terrifying situation and I am so deeply grateful that the outcome was okay. Don’t be too hard on yourself. You are an amazing mamma who seems to balance your work and family life brilliantly. Sending lots of lovely peaceful thoughts to you. Deep breath. You’re all going to heal!
My heart and prayers go out to you! What a scary experience. I had a similar thing happen when I was in high school and babysitting two little girls while their parents were out of town. I was sitting at the edge of the pool watching, and saw one of the little girls go under. I jumped in and got her out quickly, but she did come up sputtering and coughing. I had a lot of adults nearby tell me awful things about how negligent I was. It left me feeling sick for a long time afterward. Thanks for sharing your story and caution to all parents (and babysitters!).
I don’t understand how your saving her was negligent–what awful things to have been told! They should have been commending you for your vigilance!!
I completely understand! I almost lost my little boy when he opened the front door one morning and started walking down the street before I woke up. I now have a much more childproofed house and I am trying not to become neurotic. Baby #3 is due soon and I’ve been wondering how I’m going to sufficiently watch 3 kids under 4 in the pool next summer in this Texas heat or if I’ll just go stir crazy in my apartment. Thank you for sharing!
I know it was hard to write, but this is such a great post. It’s so important for all of us to be reminded that we need to be careful and be prepared and that bad things can happen so quickly.
My heart aches for you having to go back to an empty hotel room in the middle of the night. My daughter was in the PICU a few years ago and one of the hardest things was seeing her empty crib on the nights my family made me go home for a good night’s rest. I hope that by the time you got to the hotel you were sure he was going to be fine and there was some measure of comfort in that. I’m so happy for you that the right people were there to help him (and you!) and that he is ok.
I, too, had an incident this weekend where I put my two year old down for a nap and heard him screaming a few minutes later. He had swallowed a thumb tack which had been holding a map up above his bed. He kept grabbing his throat and we were scared that the tack was lodged somewhere. We had to take him to the ER. He is fine and that incident is not even on the same scale with yours, but it’s scary how quickly unexpected things can happen. We just do the best we can to keep our kids safe, but we can’t anticipate everything.
What an incredible story. I am amazed that everyone was where they were needed. You are so blessed and watched over. It is so comforting to know that Heavenly Father watches out for all of us, especially your little boy Clark. I’m so glad he is well, and thanks for helping me realize I have room for improvement in the safety department!
I so glad your little peanut, Clark, is ok! And what a wonderful news clip that was of the young man who saved him! Your words of being prepared and thinking things through are so important; for everyone, but especially those with little kids. Thank you for posting this!
I’m so very glad your little boy is okay. What a scary thing, for all involved.
My son had a very different, but nonetheless life-threatening experience a couple of years ago, with thankfully a happy ending. I found that the aftermath of the scary events could crop up in unusual ways. Kids process things differently than we do, and it may be helpful to have someone you or he could talk to about it. Also, I too was filled with “what-ifs” afterward, and found that the only way I could push those aside was to count all the blessings that led to a good outcome–the things that aligned in just the perfect way so that he was ultimately okay.
Blessings to you and your family.
Just want to say that all your kids are super cute! Also, one of my daughters was recued by the lifeguard 2 different times in one year. Both times I had left to change my baby and asked a friend to keep an eye on her (which they did; the lifeguard was just faster). She never had problems except when I left her, but I definitely know the guilt you put yourself through as a mom! So sorry this happened to you. I do love the opportunity to see pictures of your cute kids though!
Oh Kate! That is every mother’s worst nightmare! Thank you for sharing–we have often assumed that our oldest could be responsible in the pool for her siblings, but I just emailed your story to my husband and said we can’t be doing that anymore! It only takes a second! My heart goes out to you and I am so glad your sweet boy is alright!!
I am so very glad that you were blessed. Thanks for all you do for those around you. This is one heart you have touched with your honesty and integrity. Thanks for sharing your life. You have a wonderful family!!!
I’m glad you’re all okay. I hope no one says anything hurtful. You are already incredible in my book with all that you get done. Even with cereal for dinner! My life is better and happier because of all you share with us from dinner to kid projects to desserts to tears. I appreciate you so much.